Today I'm talking TV, both on Works for me Wednesday and Wifey Wednesday! And I need to tell you, one of the best things we ever did as a family was cancel cable.
We did it about twelve years ago, when the children were very young. I used to watch TV non-stop during the day, just to have noise on. I still played with the girls, but the TV was always there.
Then one Thursday night I realized that I was depressed again. And I was always depressed on Thursdays. Tracing it back, I realized it was because I watched ER, which was a very depressing show! And I decided that I didn't need that in my life anymore. So the TV was gone.
And because of that, my children weren't exposed to inappropriate things too early. They know how to play by themselves. They used to make up games. They read a ton.
It isn't that we're total saints. We subscribe to the Canadian version of netflix, so we do watch DVDs. But we're very picky about what we watch, and so we're not watching just anything because it's on, like I used to. You don't even miss TV shows that way, because the good ones come out on DVD a year later anyway. We're catching up on Heroes right now, which is quite good in its first season. But we don't watch TV all night. Just for an hour a few nights a week, after the kids go to bed. And they hardly watch any at all.
I mentioned all of this in a syndicated column recently, and then got into an email conversation with Deanna Grove, who runs The Garden Place in Frankford, near my home. She writes this:
As a side thought, I also don't believe the excuse some people may use that it's cheap entertainment. I wonder what would happen if we challenged parents to try leaving the t.v. off for one whole week? I can guess that a typical family would be wondering around the hallways after supper like lost souls...for a couple of days. But then I think they'd find far more interesting and productive things to do. And, hey, they might actually get around to doing things they've wanted to do for a long time, but never had the time to do it! It may be a little more difficult for teenagers, though, with their peer pressures.
I was thinking about what she said, and it reminded me of meeting Gordon Korman when I was 13. He was 18 at the time, and had several best selling youth novels under his belt. He wrote his first at 13. It was a school project his teacher recommended he expand upon. And since then he's written dozens of novels.
But imagine: being a published author at 13. You can do that when you're not wasting your time on television.
It's hard to quit, I know. I did it. You're sure to get resistance from your family. But I tell you, it was the best decision we ever made. Even if all you do is keep TV for weekends, so that the kids have to save up for it, or only let them watch one show a week, that they pick in advance, that's better. But the problem is that TV isn't only bad for the kids; it's bad for the adults. It keeps us from doing more productive things.
Let me leave you with something else Deanna wrote, as she details her journey to give up television (remember Deanna owns a garden shop):
John and I live in Frankford, and after reading your column on "television watching," I just had to let you know how much we agree with you and what steps we've taken to realize what a waste of time (sorry to be so blunt) watching t.v. is/was.
A few years ago, before moving from Mississauga to Frankford, we questioned the amount of "useful" t.v. we watched and up until then subscribed to many stations. Because we spent from April to October outside (partly because we love being outside and partly because of our business - please help yourself to our website) we didn't even turn on the t.v. during those months at all. So, we "downsized" the channels. We didn't miss the extra channels one bit. Then when we moved here in 2007, our cable options were non-existent and again, we questioned whether we were interested in watching t.v. The answer was an honest "no." So, for 2 years, we haven't watched t.v. Do we miss it? Well, we get all our news whenever we feel like it from the internet, are more in tune with our community, because we have more time to do so, thanks to organizations such as the Quinte West Chamber of Commerce, and occasionally purchase good movies for entertainment in the winter. We have time to read books and be together. The house is actually clean (in the winter), we enjoy cooking and having friends over - in an unstressed manner - and (here's the real kicker) are less annoyed. Yes, "annoyed." We get tons of extra jobs done in the house that we never had time for before and are happier people. Of course, to be fair, we have also changed our lives from living in the big city with 9 to 5 office jobs, to living in the country, and are following our passion - designing and creating gardens. Once in a while we pop round to our friends' house to watch a hockey game and/or doggy-sit. And when we put the t.v. on, can't believe the useless entertainment with commercials inserted every 7 minutes or so intruding on our precious time. So, the answer is a great, big "NO." I doubt we'll ever hook up our t.v. now. We both think that most television programs are useless, uninformative, fake, annoying, loud, an insult to our intelligence, transparent, did I mention annoying, and such a waste of time!
So, in answer to your question in your column "...leave that infernal screen behind, are you with me?..." Our answer is "YES!!!" And now, I'll stop being a hypocrite and get off the "checking my emails" computer, and get outside while the sunshine and birds and fresh air are calling us. These are the important things to us.
And they're important to me, too. So if you've been feeling the urge to cut down on TV, here's a roadmap to help:
1. Post sign-up sheets on the fridge where people can sign up with what TV shows they want to watch that week.
2. Make them earn TV by spending time outside/in active play.
3. Post a list of at least 20 ideas on the fridge of things to do instead of television, so that if anyone says "I'm bored", you can send them to that list.
4. Invest in some fun board games, and start a family games night at least once a week after dinner.
5. Move the TV to the basement, to an out of the way place, so it's not staring at you in the living room all the time.
6. Set up the furniture in the family room so that instead of being oriented towards the television, it's oriented towards playing games.
7. Pray!
Good luck, and may you beat the TV habit, too!
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Just a quick thing for Works for Me Wednesday this week--
When I was in grade 9, my history teacher taught us how to write essays. She drilled it into our heads so much that we couldn't forget: thesis statement, three points, topic sentence for each, concluding sentence. She also drummed the proper way to write a book report into our heads, too. Don't retell the plot: analyze the book. I hated her with a passion. And now, looking back, she was my favourite teacher. She helped me immeasurably.
I've taken what she taught and turned it into outlines for book reports and essays that you can download for FREE here. They're great for grades 5-12. I use them in our homeschool, but even if your kids aren't homeschooled, if you want them to write awesome essays, or help them plan book reports, they'll be useful! Just pick them up here. (scroll down for the links).
Have a great day!
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Every now and then I post some funny things about the traffic on my blog: how people got here using searches; or the top blogs to send readers my way.
And I've had some readers ask me how I managed to figure all this out. So I thought today, for Works for Me Wednesday, I'd let you in on the secret.
I use Google Analytics. You just sign up with your Google account, which is often the same thing you use to sign into Blogger with, if you have a blogspot blog. But Google Analytics will work on other blogs, too. You have to register your blog, and go through a confirmation process. And then the ugly part. You have to wait a few days before any statistics show up on your page.
But once the information's there, it's really interesting!
Here's the stuff I find most intriguing: you can look at Traffic Sources Overview. They divide the traffic into 3 sources:
Direct Traffic Referral Sites Search Engines
I get about 21% direct, 65% referral, and 13% search engines.
It's the referral and search engines I'm really concerned about. With the referral sites, I can see which blogs sent me the most traffic, and what percentage of that traffic was new traffic. So I know where my new readers are coming from!
That's where I get the information every month to award my prize for what blog sent me the most traffic! If you blog roll me, I keep track of who sends me people. And at the end of every month, I send the top blogger a free copy of one of my books! So blogroll me! You just might win!
You can also figure out how long each reader spent on the page. So, for instance, my best readers seem to be coming from Breathing Grace, because they spend an average of over three minutes here! Cool.
But by far the funniest things are the search engine searches. How did people get here? Here are some of my favourite searches:
How to rag hair. One of my most popular posts ever. They're heading for my photo tutorial here.
Pie in his face. I guess that refers to my husband's birthday party.
Hair growing on chin. I feel your pain.
What days do you do laundry? Only on the days that the kids wear clothes.
Fitting room modesty. Don't know where this one was sent to, but personally, I think fitting rooms should have doors.
Husband stinks. Poor girl.
Is university overrated? yep.
And then there's a whole ton of gross ones of various sexual things one can do with vacuums. I'm sure Emergency Room physicians are quite knowledgeable about such items.
So that's how I analyze my blog! I hope it helps you, too!
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I love allowances. I really do. I think they're a great way to teach kids how to save money, how to spend money, and especially, how to work.
We've always tied our allowances to chores, starting at age 3. They receive quite a hefty sum, $1 per age per week, but with that they have to tithe 10%, save 30% for university, and divide the rest into short-term savings and spending.
And the chores have increased as they've grown older. It sounds perfect. It sounds foolproof. It should work.
But it doesn't always. And I'll tell you why.
It seems to me that allowances should be given out AT THE END OF THE WEEK. So naturally, that's Saturday. The kids, then, should be finishing their chores Saturday morning, and on Saturday afternoon they take their money and divide it up.
That's what everybody does. That's what you're supposed to do. On Saturday, you get your allowance. And that's what we've done for eleven years.
And then last weekend, while we were away yet again, something hit me. The reason my kids miss 66% of their allowances is because we're away 66% of all weekends. We're just not around on Saturdays. So having allowance day on Saturday (as we all know is the natural allowance day) is just plain stupid.
So I am freeing myself from the shackles of the Saturday allowance tradition and moving to the Wednesday allowance tradition. After all, we're always home on Wednesdays. We're home on Mondays and Tuesdays, too, the days leading up to the allowance. And besides that, we always have people over on Wednesday nights, so it's good to have the house cleaned on Wednesdays.
Sometimes you have to look at your routines and see what is working and what isn't, and why it's not. I've always loved allowances, but it took me 11 years to figure out that weekends don't work for my family. That's a little slow, don't you think?
If you have a routine that you think should work, but doesn't, step outside and take another look at it. Is there something simple you can change to make it work again? Maybe there is.
And so for me, Allowances Work for Me on Wednesdays!
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They say that guilt is women's number one emotion. At any particular time, we're feeling guilty about at least two things. And if you're not feeling guilty right now, if you thought about it for a while, you could talk yourself into it.
Some of those things are serious. We feel guilty for not exercising. We feel guilty for not eating right, praying enough with our kids, cleaning more.
But some are more frivolous. For instance, do you have a closet in your house where you place all your unfinished craft projects? My house is filled with UFOs. My mother says that she's leaving me hers in her will. We have them everywhere. We spent all that money on scrapbooking supplies, and then we've done so little with it. We started that needlepoint for the baby's nursery, and the baby is now 11. We started that quilt, and now we have basting all over the place and it looks ridiculous.
So we feel like we can never follow through.
I used to do that. I started every new craft under the sun. I made soap. I sewed. I painted, stained, and stencilled. I made cards. I wove.
And then I realized something. I don't actually like doing very many of those things. I really don't. What I do like doing is knitting. And so I have decided to do one craft for the rest of my life, and only one. I may occasionally choose a one day project, like making soap, that I can do with my kids, but on the whole, I will not feel guilty about not quilting. I will not beat myself up for not painting my old piano in interesting ways. I will not feel guilty about not refinishing my coffee table.
Because I knit awesome socks. And you should see the sweaters I make!
That colourful one I made when I was 19. It's got a little out of style, so since that picture I remodelled it and made it into a cardigan. It's nice.
Of course, I still have lots of unfinished projects. They're just all knitting. But I know I'll get to them sometime, because I really enjoy them.
So I don't think there's anything wrong with finding one craft that you really like, and concentrating on it. And all those other things you started, but never finished? Give them to someone who actually likes that sort of stuff and get them out of the house! You'll feel a lot better.
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Here, at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, we're celebrating Complaint Free Week! For one week we're trying not to complain, but to react to things with gratitude, instead. It's been a challenge, because I'm naturally a complainer.
And one thing I've always complained about is exercise. I just don't like doing it, but I feel great after I have. So what can you do to make exercise more fun?
First, let me tell you my jogging saga. I started jogging about two years ago, and then I could barely do two minutes straight without getting out of breath. So I would run for 2 minutes, and walk for 2 minutes. Gradually it became run for 5 minutes, walk for 2 minutes. And then I got to the point where I could run for 20 minutes straight.
But I hit a brick wall. And it's because I have no attention span. After running for 20 minutes, I get REALLY REALLY bored.
I had the same problem on the treadmill that I used to have. We got rid of it because it just wasn't fun. How was I supposed to keep going when I was bored out of my skull?
I have now found the solution. I bought a Zune, which is like an iPod, it's just made by Microsoft. My daughter had one, and I thought I'd try it, too. I have some music on it, but not a lot. My big thing is podcasts.
I love podcasts. They're audio files that you can listen to. I myself produce a podcast every week (it's right here, and this week's is about How to Stop Complaining!). They're not long, but they're fun. Here's a comment from this week's that a listener left:
I LOVE your podcasts! I subscribed through iTunes and I listen to them while my oldest is in his Taekwondo class. Thanks for doing those. :)
But that's just me! There are so many other ones out there. And when I'm listening to something, I can keep going. It's just like when you're in the car, and you're listening to a fun radio program, and then you reach your house. Do you stop listening? Many times I've sat in the driveway listening for the end--because it's engaging! So if we're listening to podcasts, we may just be able to keep running.
How do you find them? Ask around on Twitter or blogs what podcasts other people listen to. I love Ravi Zacharias, and I listen to some Focus on the Family. I also search for audio sermons that are free online by some of my favourite speakers. You can just download them, and then sync them with your iPod or Zune.
I don't actually subscribe with iTunes to podcasts, because when you do they download every single episode, and if I haven't synced my Zune and iTunes in a while, you get way too much material. Instead, I subscribe with the RSS feed, that funny orange square icon. Then you can read the descriptions of all the episodes in your feed reader (located at the top left hand side of Internet Explorer. Just click the yellow star), and save the .mp3 files that you want onto your hard drive. You can then transfer them easily to your Zune.
It really does work, and it helps you exercise for longer! Plus you learn a ton! There are homeschooling podcasts, knitting podcasts, comedy podcasts, fashion podcasts, investing podcasts, even the Bible on podcast. There's everything. So have fun!
What if you want to exercise but it's hard to find that twenty minutes or half an hour because of kids? My Works for me Wednesday post a few weeks ago dealt with exactly that. Check it out!
And remember, you can subscribe to my podcast easily right here!
One of the most frustrating things as a mother is getting kids to clean up after themselves! You're forever finding toys everywhere, clothes everywhere, crafts everywhere, and food and dishes everywhere. So what do you do?
If you're like most moms, you make them clean up every now and then. But on the whole you just get frustrated, and every now and then you blow a gasket.
There is a better way.
Here are a few strategies for getting them to learn to clean up.
1. Make it routine.
Scheduling and routine take the frustration out of most things. When kids now they're going to have to do something everyday, they stop complaining.
I homeschool, and we have three clean up times: in the morning; right before lunch; and right before dinner. I set the timer and make the kids do the rounds of specific places in those times, and put their schoolwork away, or in the marking pile. But it only works if we do it everyday so that it becomes routine. If you do it haphazardly, they start to complain, and try to get out of it. Make it regular and they'll do it.
If your kids are in regular school, I'd suggest changing the times a little. Do first thing in the morning; as soon as they get home (for putting their lunches away); and right before bed. But having multiple clean up times helps kids remember to put things away immediately. And it often doesn't take much more than five minutes.
To institute them, just tell kids that nothing else gets done until the place is clean. No computer, no TV, no iPod, no games. No food, either. And you CAN enforce this, even for older children. You are the boss. Those iPods are not rights and they can be taken away. You have power!
Recently I've had to ban my girls from the computer and game boy until 5 p.m. because their rooms weren't getting cleaned and piano wasn't getting practiced. I consider computers and game boys privileges, and so now we have things they have to get done first.
The main thing is just to pick one method and stick to it. Deny privileges and allowances if they don't come through and respect you. It's hard work, because being consistent is always hard work.
But it's worth it! Now here's another method:
2. Use a jubilee box.
In the Old Testament, every fifty years the Israelites had Jubilee year, where all seized property was returned and debts were cancelled. I think they actually only practiced it once, but it's a good idea.
So here's what I'd recommend: Keep a basket in your room where things they leave around the house get placed. Even if it's iPods, or jackets, or the remote for the Wii. And then every Sunday can be jubilee day when they get it back. But if they want to redeem it early, they have to pay you something, according to their age. It could be a quarter, or a dollar, or whatever.
And then you can use that money to save for a spa day for youself!
You'll find you don't need to use Jubilee methods very often. Once you start, they'll clue in. And if you do have regular tidying periods, it's not so bad.
The key to both is CONSISTENCY. If you stick to it one week, but give up the next, you'll ruin all the work you already put in. Make it a routine for you, too, and it will become routine for them.
And one final thing:
3. Make it easy to clean up.
Make sure your children have appropriate furniture with lots of drawers to hold their stuff. Sometimes kids don't clean because they honestly don't know where things go. You may need to take a week or two and help them organize their rooms and the playroom just so you get a sense that everything has a place. And if you find stuff without places, create places. Label the drawers if you need to. Then they know what's expected.
Right now I am stressed. I have a surprise party I'm planning on Saturday, another party on Friday afternoon, and all next week I'm working with a group of 15 children from a Kenyan orphanage to put together a show that they can use on a choir tour for fundraising. It's just a lot of work!
So I have all these to-do lists in my head. And when I get overcommitted (my husband's birthday would have to come in the middle of Easter and these kids visiting), I get stressed.
I think lack of organization is the cause of most of our stress. I'm getting it under control today, but I believe that most of us, if we were more organized, and less cluttered, would also be better mothers, better wives, and better employees, because we'd be able to concentrate on what's important, rather than worrying because we don't know where stuff is or what we're supposed to be doing.
So today, on Works for Me Wednesday, I just want to point you to some resources that I have found really helpful! A couple of them are paid things, but they're really cheap and I find them worth their weight in gold!
Now, how about Food Storage Tips? These gals are awesome, and they help give awesome checklists and ideas for figuring out what your essentials are, developing grocery lists, and more! http://foodstoragemadeeasy.net/
The Ultimate Homeschool Moms Book, to organize everything in your life, from goal setting to menu planning and lesson planning and exercising. Really great resource, with everything you'll need from kindergarten to graduation. And it's really CHEAP!
Donna Young, with tons more organization charts and calendars, especially those you can print out yourself and make into little daytimers. Lots of fun stuff!
FitDay. Don't join up with expensive weight loss groups! You can track your exercise, food intake, calories, fat, etc. all at one FREE website. And you can set goals for yourself!
Menu Plan Monday. Writing menus early in the week for the week ahead helps cure so much aggravation later. So drop on by OrgJunkie to participate in Menu Plan Monday, or just read other people's menus! Chances are you can use theirs, and your work is done!
Dine Without Whine. Here's a way to take ALL the worry out of menu planning. They do it for you, and write up your grocery lists. It's awesome. And it's only a penny to try it for a month, so it's really risk free. They also give great tips on getting your kids to eat healthy, and specials for how to celebrate every holiday. Dine Without Whine - A Family Friendly Weekly Menu Planner
Flylady. The grandmother of all organization sites. She keeps you on your toes, cleaning your home and organizing everything in sight! Some women swear by her, some find it overwhelming. But try it for even a little bit. The habits she starts in you will bear major dividends!
Organize Your Photos Without Losing Your Mind! Wondering what to do with all those photos you have sitting in boxes? Organize them so they tell a real story. Figure out what it's okay to throw out, what you should save, and how you should save it. Takes you through a great program for getting your mementoes in order. Click Here!
Add your own in the comments! I'd love to see some new ones!
But seriously, girls. Let's get organized. Have a huge garage sale this spring and get rid of all the stuff you don't use. Let's get our homes decluttered and our lives decluttered, and we'll find we're much nicer to live with!
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Today I want to talk about the never ending task of laundry. A few years ago I was reading the Little House on the Prairie series out loud to my kids, and I was so impressed by how organized Ma was. She had a day for laundry, a day for baking, a day for ironing, a day for cleaning. Each day had its work, and each work had its day.
Of course, in those days laundry would take all day, and hence the emphasis on it.
I tried that for a while, and it simply didn't work in a modern context. First, I hated to see laundry build up over the week, but more importantly, I hated to do all that folding at one time, and I found that it just sat on my bedroom floor.
I've had other laundry mentors, too. My aunt used to do laundry every day, but she never ever folded it. All laundry would be placed on the guest bedroom, and if you needed something, you went and fetched it. Again, not my cup of tea. What if you actually had a guest? And then nothing stayed wrinkle free.
So I came up with my own laundry method. Every morning I put a load on, right after I get out of the shower and get dressed (I want to make sure I get most of the hot water for my shower!). Without fail, a load of laundry gets done every day. And then--I know this sounds radical--I fold it immediately. When it's done, I carry it downstairs where I'm homeschooling, and I fold it there. It's not hard to fold one load of laundry. It is a pain to fold four.
Once the laundry is folded, I put it in piles by person on the stairs, and each person puts their own pile away.
Socks are a different story. If I can't find an immediate match, they go in a box. Then, once a week, one of the girls has the delightful chore of going through the sock box and trying to make matches. They started when they were four. It was a fun task in mathematics and colour recognition. So they can certainly do it when they're 14 and 11.
For years I tried not to iron, but I've just realized that I like things ironed. So ironing is the one thing that does have its own day. Every Tuesday I iron (and every Wednesday I change the sheets, and every Thursday I mop, etc.). It's not fun, but it gets done. And my 11-year-old absolutely LOVES ironing napkins. So she gets all of those.
My daughters each also have their own day to do laundry and fold it, as part of their chores. So two days a week I do not have to do laundry. It's bliss.
Now for some more nitty gritty about laundry. I wash almost all my shirts, including good T-shirts, on delicate. It keeps them for longer, and they don't pill as quickly. If they're heavily stained, obviously, they go into regular wash. But most tops aren't stained; we just want them freshened up. So delicate is the way to go!
And never, ever put bras in the dryer. It wrecks the elastic and the clasps. If you want them to last long, dry them by hanging them in the bathroom or laundry room. Sure the males in your household may be grossed out. But bras are expensive, and we want them to last!
One more thing, and this is more radical. I don't use fabric softener. We have one of those dryer balls that softens clothes as they get tossed around, and I figure that's good enough. Fabric softener costs a lot, and we have such sensitive skin that it can give me a rash. In the summer I use it if I'm going to hang the clothes on the line, but in general, no fabric softener.
So what about you? Any laundry tips?
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Spring is here, and with it comes the chance to stop this yearly hibernation and actually get some exercise and some vitamin D!
But there's a problem. How do you get exercise with toddlers in tow? I mean, they have really short legs. Really short. So jogging doesn't work. Even walking is difficult, because you walk so slowly for them to catch up. Biking may work, but they're so slow on their tricycles or with training wheels that it's not much fun for you. So what do you do?
When kids are little is a bit of a struggle. But with some creativity, you can find ways to get outside and be active!
Let's take the biking thing. I think biking is one of the best forms of exercise you can get, and you can bring kids along! When our children were young, we used a bicycle trailer that looked like this:
Now, that can get a little pricey. But you can often find them second hand. We still have ours today. I just use it for groceries in the spring! The girls and I bike to the store and we carry the groceries home in that. Now that's exercise! But when the girls were little, I would load them both up in the bike trailer and we would go places. I was in the best shape of my life in those days. Often I would bike to a park where they could then get out and play and I could rest before having to take them home again!
When they get to be about five, you can add the wheel extension onto your bike, so that they bike on your bike, but on a different wheel. They have their own handlebars and pedals, but it's a lot easier on you. It takes a while to get the balance, but it works!
And of course, there's the baby accessory that you can add. We never did this one; I was always afraid of what would happen to the baby if I fell over. But it works well for many! You can often get really good deals on any of these accessories second hand, too!
When children are still in the 3-5 range, another idea is to let them bike while you walk. To bike at the same time as them is often frustrating because you're going so slowly. But they can bike to a park, and you get some exercise walking with them!
We've always been the type that takes walks as a family, so that's been our exercise. And we've done big hikes since the time the kids were little. If you stop frequently and have snacks, they tend to go right along without getting too tired. Kids really do have abundant energy.
Soccer is another great way to start some exercise. It gets all of you running, and it's fun. To make it more interesting for the adults, try it with two balls. Kids have a harder time getting to the ball and kicking it, so you and your husband can keep one ball going between the two of you while you also try to get the ball going with the kids. That makes it more of a workout for you, while the kids still have fun!
What about you? What do you do to get exercise when you have little kids? I'd love to hear it!
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Have you ever gone to bed at night and just felt that your day wasn't well-spent? You have this list of stuff that you would love to do, including simple things, like playing board games with your kids, or taking a walk with your hubby, but it never seems to happen.
A few years ago I was feeling like this quite a bit. But I was also feeling depressed a lot when I went to bed, especially on Thursdays.
And then one night it hit me. On Thursdays I watched ER. And that was a depressing show!
Around that time I read the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Great book! Not written from a Christian perspective, but with truths about human nature and family that are truths nonetheless.
And one thing he said that really stuck with me is that we can divide everything up into four categories, based on whether things are Important or Urgent. So you have your Important/Urgent, like going into labour, having your son arrested, having your husband walk out. Then you have your Urgent/Not Important, like answering the telephone, even if you're reading to your kids. And there's your Not Important/Not Urgent, which is basically your time wasters, like television and video games. This is where we spend most of our time.
But the time that really matters is in the Important/Not Urgent category. This is stuff that is so important to do, but there's nothing pushing you to do it. Stuff like spending time with your children, spending time with God, spending time with your hubby. And if we don't do these things, then we're going to find there are more crises in our lives.
The more we do these important things, the fewer problems we will have.
And I read that, and looked around at my life, and realized I as wasting most of it on TV. At that time, my husband wasn't home a lot. He was doing his residency, and I was often home alone with the babies. The TV became my lifeline. But I realized it wasn't a good one, so I quit watching, cold turkey. It's been 10 years, and I don't miss it at all. And I was a soap opera addict, drama addict, everything addict.
To a certain extent, blogs have replaced TV, and I have to be careful I don't let that take over. But it's a step I've never regretted making.
My children aren't into TV. They play instead. My husband and I do stuff together. And it's wonderful.
If your hubby would never consent to getting rid of TV, you can still stop watching yourself. But I'd encourage you to think about it. TV wrecks family life. Why let it into your house in the first place?
Thanks for stopping by! Why not look around a bit? I've got lots of posts on marriage, parenting, and more!
I'm cheating a little bit this morning. I'm combining Wifey Wednesday with Works for Me Wednesday, because they're in the same category.
I've been talking a lot lately about how we women can increase our libidos. I've even written a book about how to turn up the heat. (Now some of you have the opposite problem: he's the one with the headache. I'll tackle that one soon, too!).
And I want to talk today about a method that sounds a little edgy, and maybe even a little scary, but believe me, it can work.
One of the problems we women have is that for us, sex is in our heads. We're not usually aroused on our own in the way men are. We have to be thinking about it, and meditating on it, and feeling close to him first. Our bodies follow our heads; for him, his head often follows his body.
What that means is that we are often plagued with indecision. We're lying in bed, wondering if we should tonight. "Am I in the mood?", we incessantly ask ourselves. We don't want to start if we're not, but on the other hand, it's been a while since we did. I really should. But that's not a good reason, is it? And does he expect it? I'm not sure. Can I get in the mood? How do I know? I wonder if he's asleep yet.
Have you ever had nights like that? The funny thing is that if we just DECIDED early in the day that we were going to have fun tonight, and we started deliberately feeding those thoughts to ourselves, and then we threw ourselves into it, our bodies probably would follow. Maybe not for you if sex still hasn't felt good (and if that's the case for you, I recommend this post), but for many of us it's not that sex isn't good; it's that sleep is better.
Unfortunately, that doesn't help our marriage. When I was writing Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, I talked to a woman who was in exactly this position. She realized her marriage wasn't as strong as it could be because their sex life wasn't great, but she didn't know how to increase her libido. So one birthday she presented her husband with twelve sex coupons that he could use, one a month, when he was especially desperate. That way she promised that they would have a fun time, and she would throw herself into it, and he didn't have to worry about living in a sexual black hole.
It worked like a charm. And what she found was that when the decision was taken away from her (not by force, of course, but by giving him some control), she was able to enjoy herself more because she didn't put herself through all that rigamorale about "am I in the mood"?
I took that to heart, and I created coupons that we can use, too. They're not X rated, but they are fun, and if you want to try it, just go here!
If that's a little too scary, don't worry about it. But I challenge you to think about this: are you the one who always decides when to make love? Even if he initiates, are you the one who always says "yes" or "no"? That's not a good place to be in, because he can start to feel like he has no control in an area of his life which is really important to him. So how about this? Decide that over the next week, you will say yes, or better yet, even initiate, even if you're not particularly in the mood. Throw yourself in it for him. I'm not talking about placating him; I'm talking about deciding to have fun. We do have control over our minds, so let's start thinking positive thoughts about it. And if he feels more loved, then your marriage really will improve!
Now, what about you? Do you have an advice you'd like to share with us about marriage? It can be about anything! Just go to your own blog and write a post, and then leave the URL in the Mr. Linky!
One of the problems I have in my house is CLUTTER. I'm big on decluttering, and I take at least one day a month to shove all the useless stuff out of my house.
But here's a problem: some of the stuff that clutters up our house isn't useless. It's the things that hold priceless memories for our families.
We don't want to get rid of them, but we also don't want them messing up our homes!
You know what I'm talking about: the finger painting pictures on the fridge; the little stories our 7-year-old writes; the crafts they bring home from Sunday School. And most of all it's all the photos! I don't print a lot out anymore since we have a digital camera, but that doesn't stop OTHER people from giving me photos of my kids! And I can't put them all in albums.
So what do you do with all these mementoes? These are things you want to keep, but you don't necessarily have room? Well, today on Works for Me Wednesday I want to direct you to two resources that have worked marvelously for me. These aren't my ideas, so I'm not going to pass them off as mine! I'll just point you to where I got them.
Control Kids' Clutter First, a great blog post with awesome ideas of how to save children's "artwork" and other papers. When I was married my mother read from something I had written in kindergarten, which was just hilarious and had the whole wedding party in stitches. But we wouldn't have had that moment if she hadn't managed to save it--and remembered where it was when the time came.
Great advice for what to throw out, what to keep, and how to keep it!
Maybe you're a scrapbooker who loves to make photo pages--but you only use about 1% of your pictures! Or maybe you're like me, and you just have hundreds and hundreds of old photos that aren't yet in albums. You don't know which ones to keep, and it seems overwhelming to even get started!
Here's where Christine & Tracey can help! They've come up with a great resource that will help you Save your Photos & Your Sanity! Learn which to keep, how to organize them, where to store them, and best of all, where NOT to store them! Don't miss these amazing tips, and the motivation they give you to get your photo clutter under control! (Now this is a paid e-book, it's not free advice, but it's really good!). Click Here to Save Your Photos
I'm in the middle of reorganizing my office right now, and turning it more into an office/guest room. My whole house is an absolute mess, which always happens as soon as you try to organize. But as I'm leafing through myriads of papers, I've realized the true blessings that come when your mementoes are well stored. At least you know they're safe, and you can find them quickly!
I hope these help you deal with your prized possessions!
Thanks for dropping by! Why not stay a while? I've got great blog posts on marriage, parenting, s-e-x (in marriage) and more!
Okay, ladies. I want to talk about s-e-x today. I'm having a big party for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight today, and I want to talk about it!
I'm going to start with something really basic. Men want to be wanted. They don't want to be placated.
So when it comes to intimacy, I think we women need to step up to the plate a little bit more. You may think you're meeting his needs because you're making love a few times a week, but he won't feel it as love unless you put some energy and enthusiasm into it! And that can be hard for us women.
I wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight to talk about this, but in a nutshell, here's what I think: for women, sex is in our head. We don't need it physically the way men do. So if we wait for the urge to hit us, we may be waiting a long time! But, because it is in our head, if we decide to throw ourselves into it, our bodies will likely follow!
But so often we lie there in bed, with this running conversation through our heads: "Do I want to? Does he want to? Will he be upset if we don't? Am I too tired? If we start now, what time will I actually get to sleep? How much sleep do I need tonight, anyway? But maybe I do want to and I'm just wasting time? Or do I need the sleep?"... And it goes on and on and on.
If we put a stop to that conversation and decided to jump in enthusiastically, chances are our bodies would follow, as would our husbands! I don't mean every night. But enough that you both feel connected and close.
So rest up, get the chores done, and destress your life so you have energy for him. In the end, it's amazing how much nicer your marriage will feel!
I know this can be a challenge if sex is physically or emotionally difficult, or if your husband is addicted to pornography and it feels degrading. I deal with all of this in my book. Let me just say that God doesn't want you to degrade yourself. And if your problems are more healing from past issues, God is big enough for that, too. Just commit yourself to not losing hope, and let your husband know you want to enjoy intimacy, too! That's the best gift you can give to both of you in your marriage.
Now, if it seems pretty impossible to boost your libido, because your kids demand too much attention, and your husband doesn't show you any love, I understand. Believe me, I do. But there is a way out. Throughout the day today I'm going to be posting some of my ideas on how to restore our sex drives.
But I also have something else that will help. Today only, when you buy Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, you're going to get a ton of free gifts, including an audio download of my talk, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! Check it out!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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