I don't usually mention politics in this blog, but I just have to talk about something or I will just burst.
As many of you know, I am Canadian. And up here in Canada, the opposition Liberals and NDP are making a huge issue out of the fact that some prisoners that we captured in Afghanistan were ALLEGEDLY handed over to the Afghan army, where they were tortured.
I don't agree with torture, but here's what I don't get: What would the Liberals rather we do instead? We can't keep them ourselves if they're dangerous, because the Liberals are also against Guantanamo Bay like facilities. We can't release them, because they're really dangerous. And the Liberals don't want us to stay in Afghanistan. They want us to get out. Which means that the Afghan army is going to have to be looking after these prisoners anyway.
I just don't like it when people criticize something when they don't have any better ideas. Our troops are doing an amazing job in Afghanistan (I have several friends who are over there right now). They deserve our thanks, not the defense critic of our nation calling them "war criminals".
And now, an end to my political time-out. I promise not to stray too far into politics again soon!
In this post, Cassandra says that often it's only when looking back that she can see how God had faithfully led her, and I agree. She says:
It's usually easier for me to see in hindsight that God was guiding me. Is that the way it works for you? I find it's like climbing a steep cliff. I feel the strained muscles, the shortness of breath, the sweat on my brow. Then I pause, turn, and look back.
The view fills me with astonishment. Oh, I can see where he was with me, how he guided me and protected me. How surely he watched over my steps! What dangers he led me around! There were hints of his voice, which I saw dimly then, but now they sparkle like jeweled lakes in the light of the alpine sun.
I'm like that, too. It's not always as I'm walking forward that I hear God. It's often when I take time to stop and think and then I see how He was telling me things.
That's often the case with my writing. I'll pray and pray and ask God to show me something I should talk about in a book, and nothing will come. And then one day, I'll sit down and a book proposal will flow right out of me, and I'll wonder where it came from. And then I look back and I can see all the different people He put into my life, the radio snippets I heard, the newspaper articles that got me thinking, and the Bible passages that held me captive that started my thinking in a certain direction. But it's not until afterwards that it all comes together.
I think we misunderstand what God's voice is supposed to sound like. There are a few times in my life when I have actually heard God speak to me (I talk about those times in my audio download, "Getting Rid of the Guilt"). They were very specific things at very important junctures in my life. But there were 3 times in total when I heard specific words. Other than that, God gently guides us in all sorts of ways.
So often we're waiting for a thunderbolt, and we feel paralyzed until it comes. But I think we need to walk forward in faith, knowing that God will steer us.
When our son was sick, my husband agonized about certain medical decisions we might be forced to make. What if we had to choose between surgery and just letting him go (if surgery would be horrific for him, and likely have little impact?) Should we put him on the heart transplant list? What should we do? He didn't want to do the wrong thing, and he was so desperately trying to hear God.
Our minister took us aside and said very firmly to Keith, "If God has a specific path He wants you to take, who is most invested in you figuring that out? God or you?"
"God," Keith admitted.
"Then don't you think He's big enough to show you when the time is right?"
That minister was right. If God has something specific He wants you to do, He will show you. What we need to do, I think, are two things:
1. Walk forward, as much as we can, in His Spirit. Read the Word, do what we know is right, and pray.
2. Take some time to listen and think. Let God guide you. Take some time to look back over the last few weeks or months and see where you have already been. Look around you. Open your eyes. Don't let life pass you by so quickly.
God does speak, and He does lead us, but often we miss it because it doesn't usually do it audibly. He does it gently, and unless we take those times to look, we'll miss the wonder of what has happened in our lives.
Don't beat yourself up if you're having trouble hearing God's voice. I think He wants you to press ahead anyway, and if you need to make a U-turn, He'll tell you. Just make sure you always have time to listen and look. That's when you'll see the patterns of what He is already doing and where He is already leading, which we often miss in the busy-ness of our lives.
Cleaning with toddlers in the home is like trying to drain the Pacific Ocean. You can work and work and work and never see a dent!
Have you ever spent twenty minutes vacuuming, only to turn around and find that a two-year-old has been following behind, munching on crackers all the while? Housework is a never ending chore. When my children were small, cleaning was almost impossible because:
1. The kids would roll around on the bed as soon as I started to make it.
2. They would pile the clean laundry in the living room up like a pile of leaves and jump in it.
3. They would write on the walls.
4. When I told them to clean off the walls they would also use the soapy water on all the books in the bookshelves.
5. When I took the markers away they would paint on each other with sunscreen.
6. They dropped popsicles on the couches.
7. They hid apple cores behind furniture.
What's the point of cleaning when that's going on around you?
And toddlers also have a sixth sense whenever water is involved. If you pull out a mop, they will come running and want to help. And what do we do? We send them away so we can just get it done.
Wrong.
The emphasis on keeping a clean home is misplaced. When kids are small, perfect will be difficult to achieve. But what we can do is make it more likely that the house will stay clean as they grow. And make it more likely that our children will be able to clean when they are older!
Life is chaotic when the kids are little, but let's harness the energy they do have, and the instinct to explore and learn new skills, and teach them to clean now. Here's how:
Let Them Do a Portion of Your Job If you're mopping, hand them a wet cloth and ask them to clean a part of the floor, or the bottom of the fridge door. If you're folding laundry, have them do the facecloths and the dishcloths. And teach them to do it in halves!
If you're using a chemical cleaner, fill a spray bottle with water and let them "clean" the bottom of some kitchen cabinets. Train them to start doing these jobs, and by the time they're 3 or 4 they'll actually be proficient at it!
Give Them Their Own Specfic Tasks Even a 3-year-old can dust a coffee table! A toddler at that age can also learn to put toys in a toybox, or clothes in a hamper. Instead of doing all the cleaning for them, have them do a specific job that is at their level, easy, and fast.
Keep Track of Their Chores On a prominent place in your home, such as the fridge, keep a list of their little jobs, and add stickers each time they are completed. Give positive feedback for when the children complete their chores. Amazingly, the more they do, the more they will want to do.
Make Chores Routine If chores become routine for a child, similar to brushing their teeth before they go to bed, they are more likely to do them without complaint. So have a clean-up time at the same time everyday, such as right before dinner or right before naptime. If you've assigned chores like folding the facecloths, matching the socks, or dusting the baseboards, give one to them each day. Children are far more likely to participate readily at three or four if it is something done on a daily basis, rather than on a weekly basis.
Your home will not be perfect when the children are little, but perfect is not the aim in parenting. Raising independent, capable children is. So start them cleaning when they're young, and they'll be more likely to help you later. And more likely to grow into responsible adults!
Instead of bemoaning the fact you don't have time to clean, take the time to train your kids. You just may find that cleaning is not such a chore after all.
I've got some prizes of my own to tell you about, and then one that I get to give to a lucky winner! Read to the end to find out how you can win a free copy of one my books!
First, my friend Terry from Breathing Grace gave me an award for being a Beautiful Blogger! Thanks, Terry! I now get to give the award back to seven other bloggers who I read faithfully, who make me think, or who just provide awesome content!
I need to give it back to Terry, because she is such a godly woman and writes amazingly well thought out posts! If you haven't bookmarked her, you need to!
Next is Teri-Lynne (guess I have a thing for Terrys!) at Pleasing to You, who writes very intelligently and insightfully about things of faith.
Courtney is one of my young readers, and frequent contributors to Wifey Wednesday, who blogs frequently about what it means to be newly married and newly mom. She's working through things that many twenty-somethings can relate to, and while she's moving right now and has guest posts up, you'll appreciate reading some of her older stuff!
Barbara at MommyLife updates frequently and often with plenty of humour! A Catholic blogger with a ton of kids, she's bright and loving and inspirational. Maybe I'm partial to her because of her kids with Down Syndrome (our son was a Down's baby).
Christie, another Catholic blogger, writes about anything and everything at Garden of Holiness. What I really appreciate are her marriage posts. Scan the archives for them, and then breathe them in. They're lovely.
Donetta at My Quiet Corner tries to find peace there in her busy family with health concerns.
And now I have to tell you seven random things about myself, so here goes:
1. I am trying to break my Diet Pepsi habit. It's not going well. 2. I used to hate my oily skin. Now I love it. Almost 40 and no wrinkles! 3. I don't actually know what my natural hair colour is anymore. In the last year I've been a blonde, brunette, and a redhead! 4. I love lipstick. Absolutely love it. It makes me feel so feminine! (and my hubby loves leaving the house with kiss marks on his cheek). 5. I still fight with my husband sometimes. The difference is that now we pray about it and work it out. 6. I am incapable of growing grass. Whenever I move into a new house, the grass automatically dies. 7. My 12-year-old daughter makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. Jealous yet?
I've also been named one of the top 100 Christian women's blogs by A Woman Inspired! See the list here!
Now, do you want to win something? You can! Every month I award a book to the blog that sent me the most new readers in the previous month. The only conditions? They have to have me on their blogroll or their Google reader list on the sidebar. And you can't win twice, so the blogs that win now aren't overly big. They're just women blogging, just like you. For February, the winner is:
Ria from Life as a Wife! She's a newlywed writing about the transition to being married, and she's awesome! Thanks, Ria! She gets to choose from one of my books, which I'll mail to her for free!
You could be the winner for March! Just put me on your blogroll, and next month I could be sending you a book!
That's about it for prizes for this weekend. Hope you're a winner soon!
I'm trying to post quick intimacy tips on Fridays, when I remember, to inspire you all to pucker up before the weekend!
So here's this weekend's challenge: gross your kids out! That's right: kiss in front of them, hug in front of them, pat your hubby on the behind! Make your kids moan in agony. They secretly love it, anyway. I know my nieces and nephews, who have parents who are divorced, actually like to see Keith and me hug and kiss!
My youngest daughter always says, "EEEwwwwwww!", but then she stands there and watches. They like to see their parents kiss. So tonight, when your hubby gets home, greet him at the door and lay a big one on him, with the kids right there. And tell the kids how much you like kissing Daddy. It'll make him feel like a million bucks!
Want more intimacy tips on how to get in the mood? Listen to Sheila's audio download, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! Filled with lots of laughs and practical tips to boost your marriage! Download it now!
Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario. Here's this week's! It's based on a blog post I wrote a week ago. I tried to make it more secular, and see if you think I did a good job:
Ever since the earthquake struck Haiti my family has been busy raising money. My daughters have baby-sat and helped at bake sales; we’ve mailed off cheques. So please understand, what follows is not mean to discourage anyone's fundraising efforts.
Nevertheless, I have to admit to finding the remake of “We Are The World” strange. I first heard the original song in the mid-80s when celebrities joined together to rescue Ethiopia. Now it’s out again as singers croon for Haiti. Their hearts, I believe, are in the right place.
However, as I listen to the “we are the children” chorus, I am struck by something. It’s actually a grammar query, but I have faith that you can figure it out. Sing the chorus to yourself, and then answer this question: who is the subject in the majority of phrases?
It's "we". The song is supposed to be about people who are suffering, but instead it's actually a song about how we feel about the people who are suffering, and how we can make a difference, and how we feel about the fact that we can make a difference. It's a song glorifying us!
Does anyone else find that a bit jarring? First of all, we aren’t the children. I think the point they're poetically trying to make is that those children are no different from us, so we should give. Yet would it matter if they were different from us? Shouldn't we give anyway? No matter which way you look at it, the reference point in this song is us, not those who need help.
We’re the ones who make a better day, just you and me! We can sing about ourselves and feel better about ourselves because we care about others who are just like ourselves.
It's a perfect metaphor for what has happened in our society over the last few decades. As the idea of objective truth has grown passé, it's been replaced by the ultimate idea that our feelings are the proper arbiter for the goodness or rightness of anything. Truth is what feels right to us.
At one point, people believed in a higher morality, even if they themselves weren't religious. People gave generously, or volunteered, or lent a hand, because it was the right thing to do. They didn't have to be convinced to do it because it would make them feel good about themselves; they did it simply because it was the right thing to do, and doing the right thing mattered.
We no longer believe in "the right thing" as much as we believe in "the right thing for me". I am the reference point, and everything revolves around me. We aren't then honouring the poor in Haiti; we're actually diminishing their humanity by saying they aren't important in and of themselves; they're only important inasmuch as they remind us of ourselves. We can only have sympathy for those who are like us, because our world has been reduced to what we want and what we think.
Even worse, if it's really about us, and we decide we don't want to do the right thing, who’s to say that’s wrong? If we don’t want to stay married, or be bothered to be good parents, or care for our parents or neighbours, then that’s our prerogative!
The world is bigger than you and me. Yes, it’s noble to give because we think of people as just like us. But isn’t it nobler to give simply because it’s the right thing to do, regardless of how it reflects on us? When we stop looking so much at ourselves, and start looking at others, perhaps then we will make a brighter day, and a brighter world.
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Are you frustrated by the fact that your home is out of control, and no one else seems to want to help get it back into control? Has life become chaotic, and you feel like you bear that burden alone?
That's the life of most women these days. And I don't think it should be! My philosphy in my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum--and in this To Love, Honor and Vacuum blog--is that everybody should grow closer to God, and that means that everybody should learn to show love, should bear their own load, and should be responsible.
Including your kids.
So how do you do that? You can yell, which doesn't work, or you can institute conseqeunces. Sometimes, though, consequences are difficult to figure out. And it's hard to be consistent. I thought today I'd publish one of the consequence ideas I had in my book, and then ask you to add your own!
Don't Pick Up Things Off of the Floor
Rationale: Picking up toys and clothes that family emmbers leave lying around in common areas (not bedrooms if this is agreed upon) teaches them that others will step in when they are irresponsible.
Consequence: Some families have a "jubilee" basket, similar to the jubilee in the Old Testament, where all land is returned to its original owner after a set time. In the same way, after children leave for school in the morning, or after they begin work (if they're homeschooled), or go out to play, you pick up everything left in common areas and leave it in a basket in a closet. You can return them on Sunday, or the owner can redeem them prior to that for a dime or a quarter or whatever you think is appropriate.
On occasion, our family has had to do something more drastic. After repeatedly asking the kids to clean the playroom, or their bedroom, to no avail, we've hauled out the garbage bags and filled them with toys for the Salvation Army. If they had too many toys to keep tidy, then some had to do! Sometimes the kids helped us weed through, and other times they wailed on the sidelines as we confiscated stuffed animals they hadn't looked at twice in two years. But when there are fewer toys, it's much easier to clean up, and children are less likely to be overwhelmed by the task.
The jubilee system is one of those things that doesn't need to be used very long. It puts fear into children, and pretty soon they stop leaving stuff around!
What do you do for consequence based discipline in your home? Leave a comment, and share it with us!
And don't forget to check out To Love, Honor and Vacuum! Get an autographed copy from me here, or order from Amazon!
Every Wednesday at To Love, Honor and Vacuum we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you either write your own post in response, or leave a comment! That way we learn from each other!
Today I'm going to let the movie Definitely, Maybe launch our discussion. Every now and then a film or book comes along that gets me thinking about marriage in a new way, or shows something that's rather interesting. Definitely, Maybe is definitely not a great film for teaching one how to remain married. It's not even maybe a good film to do that. It focuses on a divorce, and it portrays the child of that divorce as getting over it a little too quickly, and in being primarily concerned that her dad finds someone he really loves. Children don't really work that way. It's like a fantasy to help adults not feel guilty, as opposed to a realistic portrayal of what divorce is really like.
Nevertheless, I did enjoy it, and here's the interesting part: April, a single woman, at one point reveals to her best friend that at some point a light goes on in your head, and you're ready to settle down and have a family and a mortgage. You're tired of the single life and you're now ready to commit. And because you're ready, the person you're with becomes the right person. The person you were with a decade ago wasn't the right person because you weren't ready. So it's more about a person's willingness to commit and settle down than it is about magically finding the right person.
She may be on to something, although personally I'm far less enamoured of the single life than many appear to be. I married at 21, and would have happily done so at 19 if I could have found someone I loved to ask me. But I understand that outside of the Christian context that's not that common!
However, our character April may be on to something, according to Lori Gottlieb in a new infamous article she wrote for Atlantic Monthly called "Marry Him!". She has since turned its popularity into a controversial book, but this single, forty-something mom's premise is this:
When women are young, they're looking for that "perfect" guy. They don't want to settle for something that's not perfect. They don't want a guy who doesn't read enough, or who can't cook, or who doesn't share her sense of humour. So they reject guy after guy, until they find themselves in their late 30s and wanting to have a baby.
Lori Gottlieb had one via the sperm donor route, and quickly discovered that life is hard. It would be so much easier with a partner. And now she wishes that at 25--or even 35--she had not been so picky. She didn't want to settle, but now she wishes she did, because life is more than just a romantic fairytale. Someone else still needs to change the diapers, take the trash out, and help with child care.
She just wants someone to be with, to talk to, to share your life with, but there isn't anybody. Can't she just settle now, though, you ask? I'll let Lori answer that:
No, the problem is that the very nature of dating leaves women my age to wrestle with a completely different level of settling. It’s no longer a matter, as it was in my early 30s, of “just not feeling it,” of wanting to be in love. Consider the men whom older women I know have married in varying degrees of desperation over the past few years: a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t always go to his meetings; a trying-to-make-it-in-his-40s actor; a widower who has three nightmarish kids and who’s still actively grieving for his dead wife; and a socially awkward engineer (so socially awkward that he declined to attend his wife’s book party). It’s not that these women are crazy; it’s that the dating pool has dwindled dramatically and that, due to gender politics, the few available men tend to require far more of a concession than those who were single when we were younger. And while I have a much higher tolerance for settling than I did back then, now I have my son to consider. It’s one thing to settle for a subpar mate; it’s quite another to settle for a subpar father figure for my child. So while there’s more incentive to settle now, there’s less willingness to settle too much, because that would be a disservice to my son.
This doesn’t undermine my case for settling. Instead, it supports my argument to do it young, when settling involves constructing a family environment with a perfectly acceptable man who may not trip your romantic trigger—as opposed to doing it older, when settling involves selling your very soul in exchange for damaged goods. Admittedly, it’s a dicey case to make because, like the divorced women I know who claim they wouldn’t have done anything differently, because then they wouldn’t have Biff and Buffy, I, too, can’t imagine life without my magical son. (Although, had I had children with a Mr. Good Enough, wouldn’t I be as hopelessly in love with those children, too?) I also acknowledge the power of the grass-is-always-greener phenomenon, and allow for the possibility that my life alone is better (if far more difficult) than the life I would have in a comfortable but tepid marriage.
But then my married friends say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky, you don’t have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons” or “You’re so lucky, you don’t have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want.” I’ll even hear things like, “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to.”
The lists go on, and each time, I say, “OK, if you’re so unhappy, and if I’m so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!”
Not one person has taken me up on this offer.
So what's the point I'm trying to make? I think April was getting something that Lori didn't get until it was too late: when you're ready, you better find somebody to love, instead of trying to find the perfect person. Don't look so much for someone who measures up to your every fantasy; look for someone YOU can love.
Perhaps there are things your husband does that bug you. Maybe you wish that you had found someone more romantic, more wild, more thoughtful, more intellectual, more humorous. The list could go on. But we need to heed what Lori is saying. Life as a single woman is not easy. Marriage has so many benefits, even if your husband does not fulfill every one of your wildest dreams. Perhaps it was not meant to.
If you wait to find someone who does, chances are you're going to end up like Lori. Instead, the lesson is to do as April wanted: find someone and love them. Make them into the right person because you have chosen to be with them. That doesn't mean that we should just marry anybody; but it does mean that if you're not happy in your marriage, perhaps we should stop focusing on whether or not he was the right one to marry, and start focusing on how WE can become the right one.
It is hard going through life alone. If you are married, you now no longer have to. That is a blessing. Does the fact that he doesn't take the garbage out without you prodding really make that much of a difference? Does the fact that he belches in bed really matter in the long run?
The more we love, the more we work on ourselves, the more we change the dynamic in the marriage. I have seen Keith and me grow closer and closer together personality wise, interest wise, and faithwise just because we have chosen to walk this life together. It's not about whether or not he meets your every fantasy; it's about whether or not you commit to loving him and walking with him. Nobody will ever meet all your fantasies; but your marriage can become a glorious union when you stop judging him and start being grateful for what you do have.
I know Lori wishes she could trade places. So let's not take our husbands for granted!
Now, do you have any marriage advice for us? Thoughts on how to be sure that YOU'RE the right person, instead of waiting for him to be perfect? Share in the Mr. Linky below, or leave a comment! Let's talk!
I'm a big believer in helping your children learn to do chores! It's important for character development, for training for independence, and for your own sanity!
Unfortunately, if you haven't inculcated these chores when kids are young, it's harder when they're older. I recently received an email from a woman wondering what to do with a 23-year-old son who is living in their basement. He doesn't clean his bathroom, doesn't change his sheets, and doesn't do much of anything. The husband also expects this woman to clean up after the adult son. What is she to do?
Here's the email I sent her:
That is a tough problem! It sounds like you have several issues:
1. Your children believe it’s your job to clean up after them. 2. Your husband believes it’s your job to clean up after them. 3. You’re worried about your children’s ability to be independent.
I would say that there’s also a fourth issue—your children need to learn to care for others, and not take others for granted, and the best way to do that is to do chores!
It’s hard to get kids to do chores when they’re in their 20s if they haven’t been doing them all along. It’s especially hard if your husband isn’t really on board. But I would suggest that you start presenting this as “Everybody in this house helps out because we all have a lot to do. We all need to learn to clean up after ourselves and look after ourselves.”
Don’t do it because “I’m sick of cleaning up after you all”, but do it because it’s good for THEM. It’s good for them for several reasons: first, they do learn independence and how to care for themselves. Second, their relationships later in life will be stronger, because it’s rare to enter into any long-term marriage relationship today and have the other person willing to bear the entire burden of housework alone. Most people expect it to be shared, and if they marry someone who doesn’t know how to clean, or who assumes that someone else will do everything, that relationship is going to be very strained.
Finally, it’s good for them because it teaches them to be responsible for their own actions, something that is key if anyone is going to develop a strong moral core. If people assume that someone else will always clean up their messes, then after a while they stop noticing their messes. They don’t even see how they are inconveniencing others. They assume someone else will be there to fix the things they don’t like. And that’s not healthy.
Since your son is already well into his twenties, it’s going to be hard to stop this pattern. But you have to try. I would start with having a talk with him and setting new ground rules for what it means to live in your house. He is, after all, an adult, and you are doing him a favour by letting him live there. It’s time for him to start acting like one. Why not set up a chore chart for everyone in the house that they have to follow? I have some free ones you can download here that are helpful. Talk through the expectations you have of him, and explain that you want these chores done every week. I don’t know if you’re charging him rent or not to live in the house, but if you are, I would also tell him that doing chores is part of that deal. And if he can’t live up to the deal, then he needs to find somewhere else to live. It’s not pretty, and you’ll need your husband’s support, but it really does need to be done.
If your husband is undermining you in front of your son, then I would recommend talking with your husband and explaining your reasons for wanting him to pick up after himself and clean up after himself. It isn’t because you’re being selfish; it’s actually because you’re thinking of your son’s future relationships and future independence. Hopefully he will understand. I know it’s hard, because sometimes husbands don’t understand, and then they think that your sole job in life is doing everything for your kids, but I don’t think that’s what God intended. God put us on this earth to raise responsible, independent, godly people, not to pamper our kids. I hope that your husband can understand that, but if not, I would suggest that you just keep talking about it, little by little, because it is important to you.
Ask your husband what he wants for your son. What does he want your son’s relationships to look like? What does he hope for your son in terms of jobs, or independence, or morality? What is he looking for there? And then ask your husband if you think that you’re on the road to leading your son in that direction. If your son is going to lead a family one day, and raise kids of his own, then he needs to start learning to take responsibility now.
I hope that helps! The key is to keep talking with your husband so that you can present a united front. So pray about it, be gentle, and be clear why you want to make the change—for your son’s good, not yours!
Now, for the rest of you, what would you say to this woman? Do you have any thoughts on how to get adult children to start doing chores? I'd love to hear them!
Klassen is an Austen-lover, and she's created a very Austen-like plot, though with a little more dysfunction and tragedy that one would find in Jane Eyre. So if you like the classics, you will love this!
Set in the early nineteenth century, 24-year-old teacher Olivia Keene has to flee her home and everything she knows to escape a dark secret. In her stumbling journey, though, she inadvertently becomes privy to another dark secret--this one belonging to Lord Bradley, a young, wealthy man in need of stability and purpose.
My daughters, who are 12 and 15, both read the book too and really enjoyed it. Of all the Christian books I've read lately, I would say this one was the best. It's a fun read, it has a marvelously happy ending for pretty much everyone you want to have a happy ending, and a bad ending for those who deserve a bad ending, so it's immensely satisfying in that way.
It does focus quite a bit, though, on the plight of the lower classes in Britain. If you were a woman, you were in a desperate situation unless you married well. Life was not pretty. Find yourself pregnant, and life became even more bleak. We see in this story what happens to girls who find themselves the victims of rape or seduction by the upper classes--they're tossed out, die in childbirth, or die penniless. Otherwise they end up in marriages of convenience, just trying to survive.
Life was not pretty. And yet, even in this darkness there are lights of people who choose to live properly and honourably, and who do believe not just in a jealous and mean God, but also in a God who loves us personally.
I found myself, after reading this, thanking God for the opportunities that women have today, and mourning for our sisters around the world who are still in such desperate plights where the only thing they have of worth is often their bodies. When women can't earn a living any other way, life is pretty terrible indeed. I hate to think where I could have ended up in a different time, a different place, a different family.
And yet there is redemption, even in these trying times. Babies who entered the world in a horrible way can be used powerfully, with purpose, anyway. And we all have our unique roles to play in the world.
I like books that my daughters can enjoy, too, and this was definitely one of them. But don't let your daughters read it if you have yet to really go over all the birds and the bees stuff. It's not explicit, but people do end up pregnant, and if you don't want to get into an awkward conversation about what rape means, you might want to keep this one until they're a little bit older.
Altogether, a great read for a lazy Sunday afternoon--one that will stay with you and cause you to thank God again for the blessings we have here!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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