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Wifey Wednesday - WFMW: Turning Up the Heat

I'm cheating a little bit this morning. I'm combining Wifey Wednesday with Works for Me Wednesday, because they're in the same category.

I've been talking a lot lately about how we women can increase our libidos. I've even written a book about how to turn up the heat. (Now some of you have the opposite problem: he's the one with the headache. I'll tackle that one soon, too!).

And I want to talk today about a method that sounds a little edgy, and maybe even a little scary, but believe me, it can work.

One of the problems we women have is that for us, sex is in our heads. We're not usually aroused on our own in the way men are. We have to be thinking about it, and meditating on it, and feeling close to him first. Our bodies follow our heads; for him, his head often follows his body.

What that means is that we are often plagued with indecision. We're lying in bed, wondering if we should tonight. "Am I in the mood?", we incessantly ask ourselves. We don't want to start if we're not, but on the other hand, it's been a while since we did. I really should. But that's not a good reason, is it? And does he expect it? I'm not sure. Can I get in the mood? How do I know? I wonder if he's asleep yet.

Have you ever had nights like that? The funny thing is that if we just DECIDED early in the day that we were going to have fun tonight, and we started deliberately feeding those thoughts to ourselves, and then we threw ourselves into it, our bodies probably would follow. Maybe not for you if sex still hasn't felt good (and if that's the case for you, I recommend this post), but for many of us it's not that sex isn't good; it's that sleep is better.

Unfortunately, that doesn't help our marriage. When I was writing Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, I talked to a woman who was in exactly this position. She realized her marriage wasn't as strong as it could be because their sex life wasn't great, but she didn't know how to increase her libido. So one birthday she presented her husband with twelve sex coupons that he could use, one a month, when he was especially desperate. That way she promised that they would have a fun time, and she would throw herself into it, and he didn't have to worry about living in a sexual black hole.

It worked like a charm. And what she found was that when the decision was taken away from her (not by force, of course, but by giving him some control), she was able to enjoy herself more because she didn't put herself through all that rigamorale about "am I in the mood"?

I took that to heart, and I created coupons that we can use, too. They're not X rated, but they are fun, and if you want to try it, just go here!

If that's a little too scary, don't worry about it. But I challenge you to think about this: are you the one who always decides when to make love? Even if he initiates, are you the one who always says "yes" or "no"? That's not a good place to be in, because he can start to feel like he has no control in an area of his life which is really important to him. So how about this? Decide that over the next week, you will say yes, or better yet, even initiate, even if you're not particularly in the mood. Throw yourself in it for him. I'm not talking about placating him; I'm talking about deciding to have fun. We do have control over our minds, so let's start thinking positive thoughts about it. And if he feels more loved, then your marriage really will improve!

Click here for your love coupons!

Now, what about you? Do you have an advice you'd like to share with us about marriage? It can be about anything! Just go to your own blog and write a post, and then leave the URL in the Mr. Linky!

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At 8:53 AM , Blogger Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said…

Love coupons- how fun!


At 1:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

How did you know the exact inner monologue I recite a little too often?! lol

Yes I can relate. I have found I do need to think on lovemaking through the course of my day. When I do I'm more willing to initiate sex. It's amazing but it works every time. And I'm one of those women who says, "Ahh I could go the rest of my life without sex and be fine." Don't get me wrong I enjoy it...sleep just always wins out. And as to going my whole life without it...NO I couldn't. *wink* It's just a lame excuse for being tired.

What my DH and I did to spice things up (and get the fire burning long before he gets home for me) is we text each other throughout the day. Some people call it sexting, but we're not "flying solo" through the texts if you catch my drift. We're just stoking the fire with a little love talk. Little reminders of what would be fun that night. By the time he walks in the door we can barely keep our hands off each other. It's amazing! We just found what you said to be soooo true...women need to start their fire long before the lovemaking actually starts.

I told a close friend about it and she tried it. I catch her texting every now and then with blushed cheeks. I've noticed her and her DH are closer lately. Guess it's working for them too! :)

Sorry but I have to sign this anonymously I wouldn't want my kids to accidentally read this! lol

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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