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I need to have my final edits for my book, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, in at the publisher tomorrow.
I don't actually have to make that many changes, and most of them I've done. But there are a few additions to the book that I've had to write--not long ones, but things that really need to be addressed.
But here's the problem. My book was already WRITTEN. It was already FINISHED. Everything flowed beautifully. So it's no problem to write the additions; I just can't figure out where to put them because they totally wreck the flow.
So I have a new strategy for doing my edits. It goes something like this:
Write the addition.
Stare at the computer screen.
Check email.
Wander into the girls' rooms, where they are working, to see if either needs to talk. How do they feel about life?
Get kicked out of the girls' rooms.
Fold some laundry.
Stare at the computer screen some more.
Read blogs.
Clean my shower. (It really needed it).
Read some more blogs.
Check Facebook.
Repeat.
Unfortunately, this strategy has not been working tremendously well to actually get anything accomplished, and so I may have to mix it up a bit today. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot of blogs, and I've found some interesting things you may like, too.
Tons of blogs vie for your attention. You can find blogs on organizing, cooking, cleaning, parenting, getting close to God, renewing your marriage, and so many more.
So why do you read this one?
Over the weekend I began to think more about why I write, and what the main message is that I'm trying to convey. After all, I don't just want to write so that I entertain you, or so that you all boost my traffic numbers. I want to write to challenge you--and at the same time to challenge myself, because through blogging and writing I often clarify my own goals and thoughts.
What am I trying to do? Let me start by telling you what my primary purpose is NOT. I am not trying to teach you how to clean, or get organized, or parent, or even how to be married. I am not even trying to teach you how to get closer to God (though I hope you do that through this blog). There are so many blogs that specialize in each of these things, and do it better.
What I am trying to do is to spur you on to live deliberately; to challenge what other people have told you you should do with your life. I want to ask those questions that open up our minds to the possibilities that God really does have for our lives, and see how things could be richer, more fulfilling, more meaningful, more intimate.
That's the meaning of the name of the blog: To Love, Honor and Vacuum, which was originally the name of my first book. Sometimes we get into this groove where it feels like most of our lives is a job, an endless assembly line, and we can't get off. But life isn't like that. You always have choices, and those choices can take you closer to God's heart, and thus closer to true joy.
I firmly believe that our culture works directly against that as it seeps into us, even when we don't want it to. And that culture teaches primariliy three things: laziness, selfishness, and dissatisfaction. It teaches laziness because it says the most important thing is to be entertained. We aren't to try hard at anything; we are to find the shortcuts. Get away with the least effort possible! It teaches selfishness because it says that the most important thing is to be happy, rather than to be purposeful. We are to find happiness, and if we don't have happiness, we should dump what we're doing. And it teaches dissatisfaction because it's always showing us how we could be doing a little bit more, trying a little bit harder, and finally achieving success. Except that it's always that little bit more out of reach.
I don't want to teach you how to work harder; frankly, I think most of us are busy enough. I simply want to teach you how to think differently about how we live. Most people, I think, go through this life of being a wife and mommy without giving it real thought. What am I building? Are we growing closer? Does my family love God? Are we spending time in a meaningful way? A lot of us don't have time for these questions because we're so busy trying to get laundry done and chauffeur kids and head to work, because we've bought into the idea that life has to be that chaotic. It doesn't.
Yet we won't see those possibilities unless we stop drifting through life. That, I think, is the modern malady. We are drifting, allowing the stream of our culture to push us where it wants us to go. We are working for more and more stuff. We are sending our kids into more and more activities and not seeing them enough. We are busy so we don't connect with our spouses. We expect our spouses to meet all our needs. We feel dissatisfied, but we can't identify why?
Now please understand; I do not have all of this figured out. That's one of the reasons I write! As I blog, I remind myself what I should be doing, and should be focusing on. But these are things I have thought deeply about. My husband and I had to work to get our marriage strong, because it did not start out that way. We had to fight to stay strong when our son died, and everyone told us that our marriage now faced a crisis. I had to make the decision to give up what would have been a lucrative career because I wanted to watch my kids grow up. And my husband is right now struggling with how much he should work, given that the kids will be out of the house in four short years.
We live in a poisonous culture, and I don't want it to poison me or my family. And so I challenge everything we do. Why am I doing this? Is this necessary? I want to make sure that at the end of my life, I can look back and at least say, for better or for worse, I made choices to do what I did. I'm not blaming anyone else; I deliberately thought about it and prayed about it.
So that's who I am, and that's why I blog. I want to live deliberately, especially in my marriage, in my parenting, and in my home. I hope in these writings that I will both inspire you on towards purpose and meaning, and give myself the occasional kick in the pants, too. I want us all to live for God, not for our culture.
From now on, then, when I write a post, I'm going to ask myself, does this fit? Am I urging people to live deliberately, to stop drifting? And if I am, I'll post it. If I'm not, I may leave it. I want you all to know who I am, so that you know what you'll get when you come here.
So that's me. Now, who are you? Why are you here? What do you like? I'd love to know!
It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!
Today I want to talk about a letter I received from a woman recently. She writes:
I love my husband very much, but one thing that bugs me is that he is always receiving texts from another woman at church. He thinks it's funny, and he keeps texting her back, but the texts don't stop. I think it's inappropriate for a married man to text with another woman, but they both think it's harmless. Help!
So what should this wife do?
At the same time, I recently read an article that quoted a British study which found that Facebook was implicated in one out of every eight divorces. I personally know a few divorces where Facebook played a major role, because someone reconnected with an old flame.
So I thought today we should address the whole technological threat to one's marriage.
Let's start with some basic rules.
1. In marriage, there shouldn't be secrets. That means you should be able to use each other's phones.
If your husband won't let you use his phone, or you hesitate before turning your phone over to him, you have an issue. You should never be texting or talking to someone of the opposite sex in a way that would make your mate upset. Everything should be interchangeable.
I know many of you have friends that you talk to on Facebook who are guys. I'm not saying you can never comment on a guy's status, or "Like" someone's status. I'm just saying that if you're tempted to turn the computer screen away so your husband won't see, you have an issue.
2. Remember that work relationships can easily cross the line
If I can be totally transparent here, the only times in my marriage when I have even been remotely attracted to another man has been in a work situation, when that guy really did not know Keith. Now, those things never went anywhere, and it wasn't as if I had a crush or anything, it's just the only times I ever even noticed that a guy was attractive were in scenarios where my husband didn't know the man, like during my university days.
In a work situation, it's very easy to think of yourself as separate from your husband, because your coworkers don't tend to know him. And that's when these things can creep in.
Now, I haven't been in very many work situations in my marriage, so this really hasn't been an issue for me. But most men are in these work situations all the time, and many women are constantly, too. We need to guard against these things.
So set boundaries where you work, and don't start texting or Facebooking a coworker inappropriately.
I was texting a co-worker (someone I'm often on tour with) recently about a few things, but Keith was right in the car with me, and I was reading it as I texted it. (and laughed and read his reply out loud to Keith, too). I don't think that's a big problem. But texting constantly, when your husband doesn't know, is wrong.
3. Don't chat
Communicating information is one thing (sometimes with coworkers we have to); chatting is an entirey different story. I can't really think of a scenario in which Facebook chat with a man who is not your husband is appropriate. If he needs counseling, for instance, you're not the one to give it to him anyway. If it's an old friend you've just found after twenty years, it's more important to write a long "catch up" letter, with pictures of your kids and husband, etc., then it is to chat.
Chatting really starts a relationship and some intimacy, so don't do it.
4. Talk about these boundaries with your husband
If it's your husband that's violating these boundaries, you need to talk about it. But asking him about a specific woman will often backfire. Instead, why not wait until you're both relaxed and having fun, and then ask if you can talk about general boundaries.
Ask him what he's comfortable with you doing: does he think it's okay for you to text other men? To talk on Facebook to other men? To go out to lunch with male coworkers? How should you decide? Make it about you first. Then talk about him.
Ask if you can regularly use his phone, and tell him he's always welcome to check your phone. Leave it in a central place, and ask him to do the same.
If he can't agree, then you have an issue, and you need to speak firmly about that. Affairs often begin over an emotional connection that people have made, and it's easy to make that emotional connection over technology.
The problem with texting and Facebook is that while they can easily start a relationship, we see them as far less personal than phone calls, so we're far more likely to do them. I may never have picked up the phone and called an old boyfriend, for instance, but if he's up on Facebook, that's when people find it easy to "chat". You wouldn't phone, but you'd chat, and quite honestly, chatting can be worse. We'll often type things we would never actually say, because it seems as if there's a technological boundary between us. But there really isn't. And it's all too easy to step over that line.
This problem is only going to get worse as we're all connected constantly, so we have to step in now. Set up boundaries. Make an open policy towards everything you do online or with your phone. Share passwords. Let him know that you WANT to be open with him, and ask him to do the same. And then be smart. Just because you don't feel something for a guy now, and you have no intention of going down that road, does not mean that it wouldn't develop if you started talking to him all the time. So don't take the risk, and keep your eyes on your man!
Now, what advice do you have for us today? Have you ever had to draw boundaries around what you did with technology? Or do you have something else to tell us? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!
First, I've updated my blog roll, including blogs that I like that have also linked to me lately. I want to start my blog roll representing more of a community, rather than just other blogs. So all the blogs at the side are people who have linked in to me, too, and who I'm also linking to! And if you have a neat blog, leave it in the comments, and link in to me! I want to form more of a community here. So check out those links!
I've been checking out my Delicious bookmarks for things that I've found interesting, and I thought I'd share some with you! First, here's an amazing post about how the big problem with modern life is that we've become disconnected. At Paratus Familia, Enola Gay writes:
We pay someone else to cook for our husbands and clean our homes. We hire someone else to grow our food, butcher our meat and milk our cows. Someone else provides our water and produces our electricity. Someone else teaches our children. We send our parents to nursing homes and expect someone else to care for them. When someone we loves die, someone else washes them, dresses them and prepares them for the grave. Someone else digs the hole and fills it in. We are absent from life. We are no longer engaged in actively living. And we are missing out. When we were connected to our family, we were connected to our neighbors and we were connected to our communities. If someone was in need, we, as a family member, neighbor or community saw to that need. There was resolution and accountability. Taking care of each other was a matter of life and death. It was not a perfect system. People fell through the cracks. Families were not perfect. But it was personal. It was connected. It was real.
She's right. There is something beautiful and satisfying about actually actively living, rather than just being entertained.
At the same time, I do not believe that we should attempt to turn back time. Often we romanticize prior generations, thinking that they had it right. They may have done some things better, but it was often a lonely, isolated life. It was a scary life, without modern medicine. It was a life with few possibilities of getting out of poverty. It was a life when a move a few hundred miles away often meant you never saw certain family members again.
So, no, I don't want to go back there. But there's nothing wrong with seeing how perhaps in our progress we have thrown out some good things, and perhaps it's time to get back to them, even if it's just committing to more home cooked meals and maybe an herb garden to share with neighbours!
Here's The Happy Housewife sharing 5 Ways to Be on Time with Kids! I like her way of thinking. The most controversial one: Skip pyjamas and let the kids sleep in tomorrow's clothes! I'm not sure--what do you think?
Echoing what I've said here before about taking an interest in your husband's hobbies, here's an older article telling women to watch the Superbowl with their husbands! I know the Superbowl's over, but I think the lesson remains: Don't wait for him to take an interest in your stuff; start taking an interest in what he likes. You need to form a life together, and if he won't take the initiative, you should.
Here is a super-cool tutorial on how you can turn unwanted catalogues into the cutest envelopes. It's really not that hard. And it will make you feel so crafty!
10 Surefire Ways to Cut Clutter. I actually do a bunch of these already, including skipping paper receipts (I take photos of the ones that matter).
Those are my links for today! If you want to follow me on Delicious and see links as I share them, I'm right here. And remember to join my Facebook Page, where I share interesting articles immediately!
I've had such a busy couple of weeks, and this weekend I was away with my girls at a Bible quizzing meet in Syracuse, New York (if you haven't read my account of my utmost humiliation at the hands of my Blackberry, you really should). So I thought I'd write a post with a bunch of little things that I've found interesting lately.
First, Kamille from Redeeming the Table emailed me after reading this post on Entertaining vs. Hospitality. She's written a great post on the difference, too, with lots of links to her thoughts on real hospitality. It's worth a read!
Second, the online world is far too small. Last week I posted about my daughter growing up, and how one of these days one of the boys she chats with on Facebook is going to ask her out, and it turns out that one of those boys googled me to find out what I write, and saw the post. Becca wasn't actually upset (it all ended well, and so far she's still single :) ), but I felt really stupid as a mom. I thought her friends never read my stuff (well, except the text on the Blackberry). I shall have to be more careful.
Every now and then I look at who links to this blog. I just find it interesting what other blogs out there have me in their blogroll. And I noticed last weekend that I was getting a lot of traffic from True Femininity, a blog written by a really interesting 21-year-old girl. I'm going to send her blog to my daughter, but I thought this post about cleaning one's closet was sure to motivate some of you on a Monday morning! Love the pictures. And here's an interesting take on why she wears skirts (fashionable ones, mind you). I'm not really a skirt person except in the summer, because I find it too cold in the Canadian winter, and I can't be bothered trying to track down nylons, etc. I do love summer skirts, though. But she brings up some interesting points, and perhaps we all do need to get back to more feminine dressing, at least once in a while!
Want to make your blood boil? Apparently Abercrombie & Fitch is now selling push up bikini tops in sizes as small as child's 8. Remember: they wouldn't do this if mothers didn't buy them. And if this company is making this stuff, none of us should be buying anything there. Nothing at all.
Is video going to replace traditional teaching? Joanne Jacobs shows how the Khan Academy model might revolutionize schooling--at precisely the time when budgets need help. I think Khan Academy is awesome, and my kids have been learning this way for years. I think it's the future, and I like it. Learning at one's own pace is so much better, anyway. Let's make teaching closer to tutoring.
That's all I have for now! Have you read anything interesting lately? Let me know in the comments (just shorten the links, please, or it throws off my formatting!).
Are you all excited it's a Monday? Likely not. who likes Mondays? But I must say that I'm feeling more invigorated than usual, because I just got back from vacation yesterday. We went on a cruise with the four of us, my husband's parents, and my nephew, who turned 16 while away. We had a great deal where the kids almost sailed free, so it was just such a blessing to get away and have some time with each other.
I didn't announce I was leaving before I went because I have known a blogger who announced it, and then got robbed while she was gone. Yelling to everyone on Facebook and your blog that you're leaving seems too much like placing a "Come rob my house! It's empty!" neon sign above your door. So if you're wondering why I didn't jump in in the comments last week, that's why. I even had some blogging buddies email me asking where I was, and expressing concern, which I thought was so special! It's great to feel like we're making real friendships through this.
So yes, I was more than fine, and I'm more than fine now that I'm home, because I feel rejuvenated (and, to be honest, it was so relaxing to be away from the computer for a week). Next time maybe I'll just say that I'm busy for a week and I won't schedule posts!
Anyway, as wonderful as the vacation was, I came home to the very sad news that a friend of mine's 15-year-old daughter passed away last Thursday. It wasn't a surprise; Katie had had cancer for several months, and it had gone into her lungs. I didn't know Katie, but I did know her grandparents and her mom a bit. It wasn't like I am very close to the family. We followed her journey on Facebook, and I prayed a lot for them, but I don't KNOW them.
Yet I can't convey to you the sadness I felt, sitting in the Tampa airport yesterday and checking Facebook. I feel sad for her family that is left behind. I feel sad for Katie's older sister Jacqui, with whom we are a little more acquainted. I think of my own two girls, and how they would be if either of them passed away. It would be a hole you never, ever filled this side of heaven.
They are a wonderful family of faith, and God has really sustained them, yet that does not make it any less sad. Death is just awful. It was never meant to be this way.
Katie's funeral will be huge this week. They are very well connected in our small little geographical area, involved in so many community things. It will be a big comfort to the family, I think, to see how many people support them. And yet I can't fathom how many tears will flow.
It seems such a juxtaposition, to get back from a wonderful family vacation, only to hear that another family has been so wrenched. It is not that I am sorry I went; on the contrary, I think I'm even more glad. We don't know what the future will bring. A year ago Katie was a track star, active in her high school, surrounded by tons of friends and a promising future. Today she is singing with Jesus.
My nephew is 16, and we wanted to do something to show him that we really do care about him, and so we took him with us. It was really a bonding time again, and we needed that. When he grows up, I want him to look back and know that his aunt and uncle love him. I want my girls to have memories like that, too.
And so this week, as I get back into the business of blogging and editing my book and homeschooling, I will say a prayer for Katie's family.
I have this song on my iPod, and I've been singing it to myself for the last few months, thinking of Katie everytime. She had her leg amputated about a month before she died, because of the cancer, and I always think of the "Dance with Jesus" verse for her, and now the "Fly to Jesus". I'll just leave it with you, in case you've never heard it. It really is beautiful.
In many ways 2010 was the best year of my life; I got to return to Kenya, which was an amazing experience. I sold a book to a major publisher, which was also amazing. My children both made the international team in Bible quizzing with the Alliance Church, which sounds geeky but really was one of the most fun things we did all year. And I am just having so much fun with my kids as they grow.
But I'm looking forward to 2011, too! I'm hoping to repeat that international Bible quizzing experience, and though it doesn't look like I'll get to Kenya again, I'm really expanding my speaking tours, so I may make it to your neck of the woods! I'll put up more announcements once I know where I'll be.
Yet I thought it might be fitting, at the beginning of this new year, to look back on the top 10 posts of 2010. I'm choosing the ones that generated the most comments (and thus the most controversy), but also the ones that I liked the best. I know over the last few months my following has grown quite a bit, so many of you may not have read all of these. So, in no particular order, here they are:
2. What To Do When Friend's Marriage Falls Apart. An important post for me personally. Do we have a strategy that actually is effective when a friend announces they're splitting up? Here are my thoughts!
3. Does Modesty Really Matter? Probably the most ardent debate on the blog this year. Many readers accused me of blaming women for rape, which wasn't my intention at all. I was just simply saying that women should think about what they are wearing. See what you think!
4. On Day Care, Attachment, God's Will, and More! I don't know why I'm linking to all the posts that had people the most riled up, because I really don't feel like stirring up a hornet's nest again. But this one had a lot of traffic, and if you want to go chime in, go ahead! I can take it.
6. Should a Child's Room Be a Castle? Should kids have TVs and computers in their rooms? Is their bedroom the most important room in the house? Interesting debate!
8. Weird Culture Alert: Definitely the strangest interactions I had all last year. I commented on how promoting pole dancing for health reasons is ridiculous, and then a bunch of pole dancers chimed in. A guy's comment definitely ended the whole thing! Pretty funny.
9. Wifey Wednesday: Learning Not to Dissociate. Usually when we think of porn problems we think of men. But 30% of porn addicts are women, and women have just as much trouble battling images in their heads during sex as men do. Here's the last in a series of posts I did about porn and women, which generated a ton of email to me. I hope it helps!
10. Just Do It. Finally, a post that I wrote near the launch of the new year last year. How do we really accomplish change? Maybe we should stop thinking about it and planning for it and just do it!
I had a ton of other posts I really liked last year, but these are the ones that seemed to get the most response in their respective months. I hope you enjoy them, if you missed them the first time around! And I hope this year that I can keep writing things that make you think, encourage you, and point you to God!
I have a HUGE announcement that I'm going to make on this blog--on Thursday! And on that day, I'll also give away a bunch of my audio downloads to a few people who comment on THIS post! So leave a comment do check back in.
Wanna hint? It has to do with my next big project. I've been signed on to do something big, and I so want to share it with you. I just need to sign on the dotted line first.
It's been a whirlwind of a journey around my house for the last few months as I've been trying to get this finalized, but I'm really excited (and I hope you will be, too!). But in my other life online I don't blog for moms, I blog for speakers and writers. I have training for those who want to develop a speaking or writing ministry.
And last week I wrote a long post about my journey. I thought you may want to read it, just for some inspiration and to understand where I come from a little better. Here's the beginning:
My story starts in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) at Women’s College Hospital in Toronto, back in August of 1996. My son Christopher was sleeping in a bassinette after I had given him his bottle. He was born with a serious heart defect, and would never come home (until he reached his ultimate home with Jesus a month later). But on that particular afternoon I was just enjoying him, singing to him, letting him rest, memorizing his face.
And as I was doing that, I overheard one of the nurses tell another nurse an absolutely hilarious story of something that had happened to her the weekend before.
I went home, wrote up that story, and sent it to Reader’s Digest.
A month later I received a cheque for $200 (which I split with that nurse). And I thought to myself: I wonder if there are other magazines that take little anecdotes like that, because I’m sure I can think of more!
So I started doing research on the internet for markets for writers, and lo and behold, Sally Stuart’s annual book Christian Writers’ Market Guide came up. I ordered it.
It arrived shortly after my son’s death. And in those months where I couldn’t do much else I started to leaf through it. And I found a whole host of magazines that I had never heard of that wanted Christian articles–even some that wanted articles on grief.
I had never met any other writers before. I had never written for publication before (except in academic journals). But I figured I could do it, and I sent off a query to Today’s Christian Woman, then the largest of the Christian magazines. No one told me you weren’t supposed to target the biggest first. They took my query, and I started writing articles. Lots of them.
For the next few years, as my babies napped, I wrote. I was published in all the major magazines (many of which, unfortunately, have since gone under), and five years later I decided it was time to start a book. So I pulled out Sally Stuart’s book again (I had a more recent version), and I looked at all the Christian publishers who would take a book proposal without an agent. I bought a book on how to write a book proposal, and I spent six months writing as good a one as I could. I sent it to eight publishers. One took it.
Here's the rest. And now you know so much more about me! Leave a comment to enter my contest, and then come back Thursday and you'll know even more! (tomorrow's Wifey Wednesday will still be here, too!)
I've seen some interesting stuff around the internet lately, and I thought I'd link to some of it for you!
1. TV makes kids fat; computers don't. A new study shows that if you put a TV in a child's room, they're far more likely to become obese, but computers have little impact. The thought is that kids tend to eat in front of the TV, but they don't in front of computers.
I'm still in favour, personally, of having kids hang out in a family room!
2. Do you know what drowning looks like?
We often assume that kids will flail their arms and that it will be obvious if our child is in trouble. This lifeguard explains how that's not true--and why parents' misunderstandings about drownings often mean that their children can drown right in front of them. A VERY important read!
3. 50 Reasons to Breast Feed Anywhere
I have to admit before my babies were born I could never picture breastfeeding in public. But eventually I got tired of hanging out in the bathroom and decided to let Rebecca eat where she wanted. And it didn't bother me one bit. I covered up with a baby blanket and was perfectly modest, but we were all much happier. It just got a little bit awkward when they slurped loudly or sighed a little too happily. Nevertheless, see if you agree with all of these reasons!
4. Israel Does Security Totally Differently
If you're sick of the scan vs. pat down debate, this will make you even more mad. See how Israel does security (with a dose of common sense).
5. Is College Worth It?
I collect articles, it seems, on the economic problems with college. Here's a good overview on why, for some, a degree doesn't pay.
6. A Very Quick Explanation of Why Men Hate it When Lights are Left on
I so appreciate my loyal followers, and those who comment frequently on this site (and for those who just read, I encourage you to leave a comment and introduce yourself! I'd love to know you better!)
Today, then, I thought it might be nice to meet just a few of those who stop by To Love, Honor and Vacuum on a regular basis.
1. Terry from Breathing Grace, A Life in Bloom, thinks so much like me, and is a real encouragement! She writes from the perspective of a woman who feels called to stay at home and immerse herself in family, while still engaging the world spiritually and intellectually.
Here's an excerpt from a beautiful post she wrote about learning how to love her husband:
As I was sitting watching my hubby coloring with Lil’ Princess yesterday, I was struck by all the things I’ve learned about love, and marriage, and family. Things I could never have learned any other way than being in this family. Things I could never have learned without the trials as well as the triumphs. And thinking about how blessed I am to be a part of the work God is doing in each of us through this family that He bound together to love and learn from one another. In particular, I was thinking about growing in marriage.There is a difference between falling in love and living in love. And learning the difference between the two has made all the difference in where we are compared to where many couples end up.
I remember how difficult it was for me as a young wife to be happy and accept my husband when we began to unpack the emotional bags that we’d kept safely tucked away while we were dating and putting our best feet forward. Every cross word, forgotten request, or lack of attention was magnified because I didn’t know what it meant to live in love. I only knew what it meant to fall in love, and it was causing me a world of misery. My husband though not perfect, handled it much better when I unpacked bags that frankly hid far more dysfunction and selfishness than his.
Read the rest to hear how she navigated out of selfishness and into learning how to create a real, loving relationship. And then subscribe to her blog, because I love reading her posts!
2. Jennifer Sikora at For Such a Time as This blogs a ton, with lots of book reviews and thoughts on marriage & kids. Here's a quick post on how to boost your marriage:
I love to do something really special for my husband when I know he is coming home from work. I don’t do this all the time, but most of the time I will. Maybe you can do this as well or something similar for your man–something that says to him you are important to me and I love you very much.
Read some of her really easy ideas here, and then try to do something tonight!
3. Megan atA Sanctuary Soughtcomments a lot and has been faithful with Simplify Your Life month! She's been jugging kids & grad school for a while and has a lot of great insights. A few weeks back she wrote an eye-opening article on how badly society has deteriorated with video games. Commenting on an article she found, she says:
"Only in Japan, Real Men Go To a Hotel With Virtual Girlfriends". Basically, a former honeymoon destination in Japan is trying to find a way to survive in a country where the population is shrinking and the marriage rate is falling. So they're catering to a new idea of "couple": real men taking their video-game character girlfriends on expensive weekend vacations. In the first month of the promotion, over 1500 men brought their virtual dates to Atami for romantic walks, an afternoon kiss and an evening of fireworks. They paid for two people to stay in a room at the hotel featured in the game, adding to the "realism".
Wives, homemakers, helpmates...if you ever doubted your value, consider this as proof positive that men NEED us in order to be their best.
Read the rest here, and then stop by and get to know her a bit better!
4. Kristine at Kristine Remixed writes some really interesting posts about coming out of a very anti-Christian lifestyle and finding peace in Christ. She's very honest about her struggles. Here's a really challenging post, asking us, "do you really belive in the power of God"? Before you say yes automatically, read what she has to say.
5. Cherish over atBrownies and Onion Dip has luscious recipes, so if you like recipe blogs, check her out! I'm sure there's something that you'd love to eat!
If I've left you out, it's not intentional! I'll try to make periodic posts to highlight some of my followers, and I tend to find people just by clicking through the comments or on links. So if you want to be "noticed" by me (and by others reading this blog), just leave a comment, either on this post or on future ones! Leave a link to your blog there if you'd like, too. Next time I write a post like this, I'll look backwards through the comments and start finding new gems to introduce to my readers! I'd love to meet more of you!
Hi everybody! I'm still on my extended vacation, and so Wifey Wednesday is going to be absent today and next Wednesday! I will be back to it with bells on after that, though!
I'm enjoying a few days with my girls before they start homeschooling again next week. They're growing up so fast, and I've found that I've spent a lot of the last few days thinking back--thinking back on the end of past summers, and getting out the fall clothing and seeing that nothing fit anymore. And getting out the crayons to start homeschooling. Now they get out the laptops.
I just want a few more days with them, so forgive me for ignoring you! But I have some VERY important posts scheduled to pop up over the next week, so come on by!
I have two daughters who are both very spiritually mature--far more mature than I was at their age! They are both great mentors to their friends, and in general they're a joy, although my 13-year-old is rather grumpy right now because I signed her up to take her grade 6 piano exam on Monday, smack in the middle of the summer!
My 15-year-old, though, has recently launched a blog where she posts her thoughts, and even though she doesn't know it, I read it. And I think it's great. Here's an excerpt:
For a while now I’ve been struggling a lot with feeling worthless, like I’m not worthy of people wanting to be my friend, or that even if I do find some amazing person they won’t stick around once they realize who I really am. I’m pretty sure all of us think this to some extent, but I’ve been actually crying myself to sleep over it for the last couple of months. Pathetic, I know.
But anyway, I was looking through a whole bunch of stuff that I had shoved into the back of my closet from when I was ages 2-about 11. Reading through it was just hilarious… my messed up attempts at writing stories as a 9 year old, pictures of Lord of the Rings characters from when I was 10..
But I found this one poem I had written when I was 8. It was the typical kind of little kid poem, but then the last verse stated that I loved Jesus best of all, because he loves me and stays with me no matter what happens, and no matter what I do.
So I started thinking, if I knew that Jesus was by my side and telling me that he loves me when I was 8, why don’t I get it now, at 15? So often I figure that I just asked Jesus into my heart and then he was content to just watch from heaven as I stumble my way through life, and that whenever I’m “good enough” he’ll come and be with me again.
But that’s not it at all. God is right with me no matter where I go, and no matter what I do–he’ll be there holding my hand. No matter how many people leave my life, no matter how many times I feel I’m nothing, he’ll be right there beside me, sharing my pain. I don’t know why, but I had forgotten that he was always there beside me, that I don’t have to prove myself for him to love me.
Isn't that beautiful? She also made some insightful comments about "teen girls' Bibles" that have quizzes on "your perfect date". (She was not impressed). I'd like to get her some more readers, so if you're interested, why not stop over at Throwing Pebbles and read some of her writings and encourage her? Or if you have teenage girls yourself who might benefit from reading, send them the link! Link it in your Facebook account, or if you're involved in your youth group, maybe put a link to it up on your youth group's Facebook page.
I think what she's writing is really good, and I'd love for it to get more exposure. So if you could help, that would be great!
Do you know of other teens who write great blogs? Let me know in the comments, and then maybe I can send Becca there to learn more tools of the trade!
Today I thought I'd offer a hodgepodge of stuff that I like from around the web for you to look at!
1. We must use our knitting powers for good, and not for evil. Take a look at these hilarious knits for men that probably were largely responsible for the acceleration in the divorce rate during the early 70s! (Warning: some language in the text, but it's mostly the pictures you're looking at!)
2. Someone had way too much time on their hands. But if your kids like gummy bears, they'll like Gummi Bear Transplants!
3. For some reason I just love this craft idea! Paint old baking tins for storage. I've asked my girls to do this for me for my birthday, so I have a place for my Bible, pencil crayons, a pen, and my journal for when I do my devotions.
5. Interesting recipe for homemade liquid laundry soap. I'm actually thinking of trying this! Anyone else do it?
6. Bribery strikes out. They tried paying parents to be better parents. Didn't work.
7. This really is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It's a video of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with the words being the literal version of the picture on the screen. Warning: There's one really bad line. But I just can't help laughing at the rest of it. I wish they'd just left the line out (it's near the end, if you want to just watch the first three minutes).
Have anything else you want to share? Leave it in the comments!
And along those lines, here's another good post on how to get little ones to help you tidy! And another very worthy one (with pictures!).
Here's an interesting article on why a woman decided to be a SAHM. I like the feel of this article--I might chronicle my own journey soon in a post!
Now for something complete different: Here's what's supposed to be a feel good article about teachers in Reader's Digest: 20 Things Your Child's Teacher Won't Tell You. It's written by the American Federation of Teachers, so it's slanted. I find things like this a little difficult to read. One point, for instance, says:
4. We don’t arrive at school 10 minutes before your child does. And we don’t leave the minute they get back on the bus. Many of us put in extra hours before and after school.
Ah, but I know teachers who DO arrive 10 minutes before (or sometimes after class is supposed to begin) and they leave early. Some do work long hours. But not all.
The truth is some teachers are amazing. Some do have a calling. But not all do. I don't understand why teachers get so defensive about this. If you're a great teacher, parents will know it. We parents talk about who the good teachers are. We try to arrange to get our kids into your classes.
If you're a lousy teacher, though, parents know that, too. We're allowed to criticize electricians, pastors, plumbers, and cashiers. Why is it so sacrosanct to not criticize teachers? Hint to you teachers: it makes you look incredibly thin-skinned, and makes us not take you seriously. We love the great teachers. If your unions would stop whining, we may appreciate the rest of you a little more, too. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's how we feel! You do yourselves no favours when the line taken so often in the media is, "teachers are awesome. They do a great job. The fault lies entirely with parents." We know some parents are lousy, but not all are, just like with teachers. When you take "it's everybody's fault but ours" line, it sounds like you're just passing the buck, and it's hard to respect someone who does that.
Another note: whenever I post on teachers, I invariably have commenters questioning my right to post on this, because I homeschool my kids.
That assumes that the only people who have a stake in the education system are parents whose kids are there right now. But I have friends with kids having great trouble in school because of teachers, or curriculum, or bullying. I have nephews and nieces in the school system.
But more importantly, aren't we all stakeholders in the education system? First, we're stakeholders simply because our tax dollars go to fund it, and so we all should have a say. But secondly, we're stakeholders because all our future doctors, nurses, clerks, garbage collectors, lawyers, designers, and computer engineers are currently in school. If we care about the future of our country, we care about schools, whether our own children are in public schools right at this minute or not.
I hope that addresses that concern!
What do you think on these issues? Any great suggestions for kids' chores? Why did you decide to stay home (if you do)? Any thoughts on schools, teachers, or thin-skinned unions? How do we help teachers and parents get on the same page again? I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these issues!
In a recent post about friendships, one commenter asked what was going to happen to teens, who spend their lives on social media sites but don't actually interact in person very much.
It's something I'm concerned about, too. I see so many teens that I know relating to other teens solely on the basis of technology. Many teen boys now have sleepovers with multiple TVs and Playstations so they can play Call of Duty together. Girls spend their lives on Facebook writing back and forth. I've been in groups of teens where everybody is texting--each other! Rather than just talking, they're clicking. It's strange.
We at least escaped much of this until we were adults. I spend far too much time on Facebook, etc., and I'm the first to admit it. But I do have real friends. And my husband and I got to know each other the old-fashioned way: we talked face to face. We didn't have to add smiley faces to the ends of sentences because we were there in person, and we could read each other's expressions.
Now it seems like so many relationships exist primarily online. People start dating online, and the world knows about it because their Facebook info changes. I know one guy who realized his wife was leaving him when her status changed from "Married" to "Single".
The internet has its benefits, but it's also changing how we relate. We talk in 140 characters, rather than in real sentences. We don't know how to look someone in the face. And even at university, where you would think the goal was to find a life partner, stats show that sexual activity is actually down because more people are simply using porn. When they're not, they're "hooking up", so that serious relationships in university are getting rarer. When I was in college, everybody was seeking out their mates, and many of us found them there. Today that's becoming increasingly difficult because real relationships aren't happening.
I was talking to a friend of mine, the mom of 4, about this and she dismissed it. Her sons, who are in their late teens, know how to have real relationships, even though they text all the time. But I pointed out to her that she and her family eat dinner together every single night. They grew up learning how to talk to one another, and so it's already natural.
What about all those teens who do not grow up talking around the dinner table? What about the majority of kids who don't have dinner with their parents, who rarely talk to their parents, and who are living in an almost entirely online world? Will they know how to share their thoughts? How to talk? How to get to know someone in real life?
There's so much in our society working against marriage and strong relationships. Pornography pulls us apart, and makes an intimate sex life much more difficult to achieve because so many are battling images they can't seem to get out of their heads, or addictions they can't seem to break. All around us are messages that we should do what makes us happy, and not necessarily what we have committed to. And now we have added to all that the takeover of the friendship realm by computer. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm not looking forward to seeing the results.
So what do you do in your house to make sure that your kids know how to live in the real world? Let's talk about it!
Every month I award one of my books to the blog that sent me the most new readers in the previous month. The only conditions? They have to have me on their blogroll or their Google reader list on the sidebar. It's super easy! You don't even have to let me know that you're doing it, because I use Google Analytics to track my traffic sources.
And here's the best bit: you could win, too! Even if you think your blog is too small to matter. The big blogs have already won, so the field is wide open!
So here we go! Drumroll, please!
The winner for March is Wiegold's Words! She can't get the book right now since she's in Prague on vacation (that's the best thing about adding me. You do it once and then you could find yourself a lucky winner sometime in the future when you're not expecting it!).
You could be the winner for April! Just put me on your blogroll, and next month I could be sending you a book!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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