I pulled in to the driveway at 3:30 this morning, after a late flight from Calgary and then a drive from Ottawa. Keith and I were speaking at a Weekend to Remember conference in Banff. Yes, poor me, I had to go to Banff! Oh, my goodness, it was gorgeous!
Anyway, I'm still exhausted, but I thought you may enjoy this five minute clip of me from the "sex" talk explaining why sex for women is all in her head:
I've been out in Alberta speaking for the last two weeks, and returned home at 1:00 this morning, to find that my husband and girls had cleaned the whole house for me. I think I'll keep them.
So as I'm getting back to my real life, here are some of the things that hit me:
1. Why can't life ever just stop for a bit?
I'm away for two weeks, but the emails don't stop coming. Now I have to spend at least a day taking care of them all. It would be nice if other people stuck to your schedule, but they don't seem to. And sometimes going away makes more work when you return!
2. Sometimes it's fun to have "another" life
It can be really fun on the road, meeting new people, and just feeling like a different person. At home I'm supervising homeschooling, and schedules, and chauffeuring, and volunteering at church, and cooking, and doing laundry, and on the road I don't have to do any of that. I get to speak, and do some TV and radio appearances, and people tell me how great I am.
It's loads of laughter, but it's not REAL, if you know what I mean (I am great, of course, but I don't need to be told it all the time). But I really do understand why so many women find it hard to give up careers. I have a very strange career, in that I speak and write. Every now and then I'm away from home, but usually I'm here, plugging away, just like everybody else does. But when you're gone and you're able to use your gifts in another way, it is a little intoxicating.
One thing that I really appreciated, though, was that my family flew out to Alberta and actually saw two shows. It was the first time Keith had seen me speak in my usual "venue"--to women--rather than just at the marriage conferences when we speak together. And that was awesome. It was also great because on that particular night when this picture was taken my oldest daughter did my eye makeup, and she is way better at eye makeup than I am.
But that's beside the point. It was neat to combine my two lives, and have them see who I am up on stage, but also have me not get too full of myself or too comfortable away from them. So I'm glad they came. I didn't announce on the blog or on Facebook when they were there, because I didn't want to put up a big sign online that said, "my house is now empty!", but they did fly out last week.
3. Boston Pizza has really awful food.
I'm sorry if you're a Boston Pizza fan, but it really is lousy. We usually didn't eat until 11 at night, after the shows, and BP was the only thing open. I ate through the menu and still didn't find anything I liked. Except the dessert.
4. The Winnipeg airport is boring.
It just is. And the internet is hard to get onto. So don't ever have a stopover in Winnipeg if you can help it.
5. I missed my crockpot.
I like having homecooked meals. I know we women just love the idea of being taken out for dinner, but it's amazing how when you eat out for ten days straight all you can do is dream of vegetables and a crockpot. I'm going to put dinner in mine as soon as I hit send on this post.
6. There's no place like home.
I love being back, even though it's not nearly as exciting. But sometimes not exciting is very, very good. Last night, when I tiptoed into the girls' bedrooms and kissed their foreheads, everything felt right with the world again. And tonight I get to have a date with my hubby!
I'm working on developing a new event when I come into churches and talk to women about marriage and s-e-x. It'll be fun, upbeat, but also have some very practical and challenging teaching. So I may be on the road a lot more in the next few years. But each time I am, it will remind me how great it is to be back again!
And now I'm home for a few weeks, before I have to leave for just a weekend again, and I am going to enjoy it.
I'm sorry there's no Wifey Wednesday post up this week! I'm currently in the middle of a twelve day tour in Alberta with Girls Night Out, and it's been hard to find time to post! We get up early, drive for several hours to the next venue, set up the show, and then perform. We don't even get dinner until 10:30 at night.
So I thought instead of writing a typical post for you all, I'd show you some pictures of what I've been up to. Here are pictures from Monday night's show:
We've got nine shows over the twelve days (actually 10, but I didn't do last night's; I got a day off and another speaker, Connie Cavanaugh, did it). And it really is quite hectic! It's a lot of fun on the road, but you don't get much time to yourself. And the eating is a challenge. It's often hard to grab lunch because we're driving somewhere and the guys need to set up, and then we can't eat dinner until after the show.
The other day in Red Deer, Alberta, we went to Boston Pizza (the only restaurant that's open at 11 at night), and saw the poster for our show on the window.
And I got to meet Tessa W in Sylvan Lake the other night! Tessa comments all the time on this blog, and for some reason I always pictured her in Nebraska!
So I've met a bunch of blog readers on this tour, and had a ton of fun, but I'm getting a little tired. My family, however, is flying out for two days to see me (which is awesome)!
But until then I'm stuck on the road with three guys who are trying to figure out who is the Alpha Male by doing PX90 (is that the term?) workouts everyday in the hotel, and then spending the rest of the time complaining how much they hurt. I did one of those workouts on tour in the Maritimes just to see what all the fuss is about, and man, did it hurt the next day! I don't know why these guys do it when they have to be setting up and tearing down all the time, but it must have something to do with a need to be cool or something.
Anyway, I'm having a great time, love meeting new people, but I do miss my kids and especially my hubby. But if you're in Alberta, come and say hi! And regular blogging will resume next week (hopefully).
By the way, I sent my manuscript for The Good Girl's Guide to Sex in on Monday! Woo hoo! It's all done! So I hopefully will have some more information for you on when that will be out soon!
Last night I flew from Ottawa to Calgary, getting ready for a twelve day, 9 gig speaking tour with Girls Night Out in Albert. (I'm coming to Texas in May! More about that soon!).
Anyway, I'm sitting now in a church in Medicine Hat while the guys on the road crew set up, and I'm trying to get some editing done on my book and prepare for tonight.
But I had just a very few thoughts I would share with you.
I still think it's amazing that you can get into a plane in one part of the country and wind up thousands of miles away in just a matter of hours. That's such a tremendous blessing. Even a century ago a move of a few hundred miles often mean you never saw certain family members again. Now travel is so relatively simple. I've flown a lot in my life, but I never cease to marvel at it.
I love plane rides. I love them because once you're actually at the airport, and then actually on the plane, there is absolutely nothing you can do except relax. You can't fold laundry, even if you think you should. You can't chauffeur someone, or answer the phone to find a telemarketer, or do dishes. You can't feel guilty for not vacuuming or not ironing. It's time just for you! Sure, I did some editing on the plane, but it was wonderful to just get to sit down.
Yet, as great as sitting is, it is not so great when the stewardess offers to let you keep the can of Coke Zero--twice--and then the pilot keeps the seat belt sign on for pretty much the entire four hour flight. Finally, in desperation twenty minutes before landing I got up anyway and went to the bathroom. A girl can only sit still so long.
That's about it! I hear a crazy group of women from Saskatchewan are driving across the border to Alberta to hear me tonight, so it will be great to see some prairie women! I'll tell you all when I'll be in Texas once I get the dates finalized!
Hello everybody! Great comments on yesterday's post on children's rooms. Keep commenting and reading if you haven't already.
I thought I'd fill you in on what I'm doing this week. On Sunday I flew out to Moncton, New Brunswick, because all this week I'm speaking at "Girls Night Out" events in various churches in the Maritimes. Last night I was in Summerside, PEI, and tonight we're in Charlottetown. Later this week we return to New Brunswick and then Nova Scotia.
I love speaking, and I love meeting people. But at the same time it can be rather stressful. I had a huge Saturday the day before I left, because my kids, who are in Bible quizzing, had a quiz meet three hours from my home. I run the quiz program for the 20 youth who participate at our church, so I was responsible for getting 20 youth to Ottawa and making sure they actually quizzed.
Our kids did great, but one of my daughters had a few disappointments. But then, at the end of the night, I had to hug them goodbye for a week, instead of getting back on that bus with them and heading home so we could talk about her disappointments.
My husband also wasn't feeling all that great, and I knew he'd have to deal with things while I was gone. He'd have to make sure Katie and Rebecca got to piano; make sure the milk and eggs were bought; make sure that Katie finished her Science assignment; and make sure that some laundry got done.
Rebecca, of course, will likely end up doing a lot of that, but Keith's ultimately in charge. I haven't left for a whole week before, and it's a new thing to me. And I'm feeling a bit guilty.
To make it worse, my husband and I didn't really communicate well that I was going. I thought he knew, since everyone else seemed to. I had told him (I'm sure I had), but it didn't stick. Then I began to pack all last week, since the airplane lets you have 2 50 pound bags, and I need to make sure I use all that 50 pounds (I have to bring my books to sell, you see). So I was packing for a good three or four days, the suitcases all over the floor. I thought that would have been a clue that I was going somewhere, but it seems like Keith didn't really realize it until I started making the list of all the things he'd have to attend to the week that I was gone.
He was gracious about it; they all were, because they support me. But it's hard, because I feel like I've left them in the lurch. I guess that's just what mothers feel. I don't think I'm wrong, of course, because let's face it. I homeschool my kids. I'm home with them all the time. If I'm away for a week, they'll survive. And Keith has gone to work or gone on a 48-hour shift many times when I wasn't feeling well, and that was par for the course. So it's not that this is wrong. I just always feel pulled in two directions.
I spent an hour and a half on Skype on Sunday night, once I landed in Moncton, talking to my daughter who had the bad day. We sorted a lot of things out, and I think she's all set to go now. I'm so glad we can keep in touch. But this being a mom thing is hard.
I know Keith can look after the kids. I know Rebecca can handle the house. And I know Katie will be all right. But I still feel like I should be there, managing everything and making sure everyone is happy.
What is it with mothers, anyway? Even when I'm doing something I know I am called to do, I feel vaguely like I'm letting people down.
Last night, when I was sharing my story, I encouraged the women to ask themselves, "Is God Enough"? Usually when we hear that question we answer glibly, "of course He is", but is He? Because a lot of us are holding things back: I love you God, but I really want a baby. I love you, Lord, but I really need that job. I love you, God, but I can't live with this pain. And I told them how to wrestle through that question.
After the break a woman came up to me who had only recently lost a baby, in a similar situation to the way I had. We talked for a bit, and I hope that I encouraged her. And I realized: this is where I'm supposed to be.
But my heart is in a house in a different province, where a 15-year-old girl is doing laundry, and a 13-year-old girl is healing her heart, and a 40-year-old man is trying to pull it all together. Life can be tough, can't it?
Last month I was at World Vision headquarters in Canada for a training session. As I walked towards the entrance, I saw this stone at the base of a tree.
I don't know who Brian Tizzard was, but I found myself tearing up nonetheless. I know nothing about the man, except that he was a man of God, and a champion for children.
I'm sure he's happy to be remembered that way. And then I started to think, how will people describe me? Will they say, "she was a bundle of energy?" Will they say, "She was always running around doing something." Will they talk about how busy I am, how much I do, how much I'm involved in? Or is there something more fundamental that shines through?
I am very busy this year with speaking, and with writing. And the thing that motivates me is twofold: one, in my work with World Vision, God's using me to get children sponsored. And given my love for Africa, I'm honoured to be a part of that.
But two: I'm speaking a lot on marriage. I'm writing a book on marriage. And the reason I do this? So that kids don't have to grow up without a mom and dad who love each other, like I did. So that kids can grow up feeling secure, and safe, and loved, because their parents love each other.
Think of what a difference we can make in this world if we do one simple thing: love our mates. And then encourage others to do the same. Family is the key to everything: it ends poverty, gives hope, teaches kids about God's goodness, and stabilizes our society, our hearts, our souls.
In sixty years, I hope under some tree there's a little plaque that says,
Sheila Gregoire Woman of God Champion for Children
That would make me very happy indeed.
What about you? What are your passions? What do you want to be remembered for?
Ever had one of those weeks where just weird things happen to you? Allow me to share three tidbits from my life which demonstrate how upside down things are sometimes.
1. When your day starts off with having to kill a bunny, you know it can only get better from here.
One morning this week the girls and I were jogging, as we do almost every morning, when we came upon a bunny that had been partially run over. We assumed the thing was dead, so we all groaned the obligatory, "Ahhhh, that's so sad," when all of a sudden said dead bunny started moving its legs.
We screamed and jumped back, as if this bunny were about to charge or something. But since blood was coming out of its eyes, I think the chances of that were rather slim.
Nevertheless, I now had a dilemma. A bunny was lying on the road, not dead, but obviously in pain. And crows were circling. What do you do?
My youngest decided this was ridiculous and she headed for home, but Rebecca and I continued to fret about this bunny's fate. We'd beg passing motorists to run over it and end its misery, but no one took us up on the offer.
"I could run over it with the van," I helpfully suggested, but we both agreed I'd be too chicken to do it.
Because we wanted some way to help, we went to fetch shovels, thinking at least we could move it to the grass so it could die somewhere comfortable. Walking around in sunny weather with winter shovels we approached the bunny, who was still not quite dead. Then I thought, "if it has a broken leg and we move it, we're only causing it more pain." I briefly considered decapitation, but then realized I could never do that, either. Drowning, perhaps?
In desperation we headed to my nephew's grandparent's house, which is just around the corner. My nephew, who is 15, happened to be home, and he came with us and promptly finished the bunny off with a quick blow to the skull. Then he and his grandfather buried it.
Moral of the story: sometimes it's good to have 15-year-old boys around!
2. Props can come in handy.
Last Saturday I spoke at a Girls Night Out event in Niagara Falls (if you live in the Maritimes, I'm coming in November! Check it out here). I planned to make the three-hour drive home that night, rather than staying in Niagara, because I had to be at church the next morning. I don't mind driving at night; I had CDs ready to go, and Diet Pepsi to keep me awake. I was ready for anything.
Except a major traffic jam, that had me sitting on the QEW for three hours. After I had travelled only about 40 miles I finally got through the jam, was able to exit, and got a hotel for the night.
"But I'm going to have to sleep in my clothes!", I moaned. Then, as I was going through my car to see what supplies I might have for an overnight stay, I found the famous nightgown that I use as a prop when I speak.
And lo and behold, I was all set.
If you want to see the routine, here it is from a few tours back:
3. Be Wary of Sales Staff
This year, as I went through my speaking wardrobe, I realized I would need some new clothes. The Girls Night Out set has a background that's royal blue, and most of my clothes were blue. Take a picture of me up there and you can't see me.
I have lots of nice clothes, and didn't really need anything personally, but I needed a few speaking outfits. So I headed down to a locally owned boutique where I have bought some nice things in the past and tried on some clothes. I was in a hurry, so I didn't look that closely, but the women there told me that the jacket and the blouses looked "just fabulous!"
They were awfully pricey, but I wanted quality, and I knew I'd wear them again. So I bought them. Then, last Saturday, when I was getting ready to leave, I tried on an outfit.
It looked hideous.
It was too big in the shoulders and it just hung there, making me look like a box or a giant rectangle. I had no shape. I called the girls in and we frantically tried to make it work, but nothing did. They said, "we tried to tell you in the store, but the women kept shushing us."
Note to sales staff: never shush my kids. They have good instincts.
I wore something else, went into a store in Niagara Falls and bought some much better--and cheaper--stuff, and was happy.
So I went to return the things this week and they almost wouldn't take them back. They're "special occasion" wear, and I guess boutiques don't even do exchanges on special occasion wear. I was mightily ticked, but talked them into it. So now I'm in the position where all I can do is exchange (not get money back), and I don't want or need any other clothes. I wanted to spend money redoing my basement.
I bought some jewellery and a few sweaters, and came away much wiser.
Lesson: When you're trying on clothes at a boutique, start with something absolutely hideous and ask the salesperson how you look. If they say, "Fantastic!!!", walk out of there as fast as you can. They only want your money; they're not interested if you actually look good.
Last night I spoke at a Girls Night Out event in Niagara on the Lake, Ontario, in the lovely Orchard Park Bible Church!
Had a great time meeting all the women there--like Stacey Weeks, who was instrumental in organizing it. So many churches from the whole community were represented, and it was a great night! Comedian Leland Klassen opened, and then I gave a little comedy portion, a sponsorship appeal for World Vision, and then a thirty minute talk on what it means to be able to say that "God is enough".
Loved talking to women afterwards, and so appreciate the two hurting women I shared with for a while--one whose husband just left, and one who has a family member dying of cancer. Hard, hard things, but let's remember Romans 8:18:
For we know that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us.
I love that verse. It means that no matter what hardship and crap you're sludging through right now, no matter how terrible it is, it's not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. Isn't that beautiful? My son's death was horrible, but even that is not worthy to be compared with what God will do.
What joy!
The drive home, however, was not so joyful, since I hit a traffic jam and sat on the QEW for two hours. I realized I wouldn't make it home that night and woul d have to stay at a hotel intead. I thought to myself: "I didn't bring any pyjamas!" And then, for those of you who have seen the show, I remembered that flannel nightgown I always hold up for laughs. Sometimes props come in handy!
Girls Night Out is coming to the Maritimes in November! If you have friends in the eastern part of Canada, point them here to find dates and times. And I'll be touring the U.S. in the spring and fall, so maybe I'll see some of you there then, too!
I've been trying to find some order to what I blog about, just to help me figure out what to write and when to write, and to help you figure out when you want to read (although I'm sure you find all my posts absolutely incredible and enlightening!).
But at the suggestion of a friend, I'm launching Media Mondays, where I give book and movie ideas, to go along with Wifey Wednesdays. And now I think I'll add Spiritual Saturdays.
So that's what this is: Spiritual Saturday.
Spiritual Saturday One of the reasons I love blogging is that I can get all my thoughts out without worrying about editing or who is going to publish this. So much of what I write is eventually for publication, and it's stressful. Blogging is my release.
And so I want to share something that happened to me a few weeks ago.
I spoke at a retreat, after a week of feeling very jetlagged and rather ill. I was not at my best. But the retreat went well, everybody said. People shared their thoughts of the one point that really hit home, and many had those "one points". I should have felt good about it.
But I felt as if something had been missing. I have given that same retreat in the past and felt much greater power, and it seems to me that sometimes I feel the Holy Spirit's strength, and sometimes I do it in my own strength.
The next day, at church, the sermon was on exactly that: how to have the Holy Spirit work through you, instead of doing it by yourself. And I found myself desperately praying for "thirst". Thirst for God, thirst for Him to work, rather than me.
On Monday I was reading my devotions, and my Psalm for the day just "happened" to be 42. Here's the first two verses:
As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
It was so timely! And so I read on. And here's the point: I was desperately worrying about what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I experiencing God? That's what David was doing, too. He was consumed with feeling alone, with wondering why God wasn't there. And this is what David kept coming back to:
My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you.... Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me. Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him...
In both cases, David is feeling alone. He's burdened. And the solution is not to think about how alone or burdened he is. It's to remember God and what He has already done in your life, and then to turn your attention to the hope you have in God.
God doesn't ask us to DO anything except hope. Except Remember. Except think and meditate about Him. He doesn't want us to work ourselves up into knots trying to reach some major level of spirituality. He just wants us to focus on Him.
And it reminded me of this clip from the retreat, where I talked about this exact thing:
When you're down, focus on God. Don't put yourself through a guilt trip. Don't worry. Just focus on Him, remember Him, and let Him do the rest. He is the source of our hope, not our own effort. And that was a good reminder for me last Monday!
Don't have time for a long post today, because I'm still cleaning! I'm putting Christmas decorations away, getting my study ready to use when I get back to work on Monday, and in general hoping that by some miracle other people in my household decide to cook all the meals today.
But I thought I'd still pop in and say hello, and let you know about some other stuff I do around the web!
First, thanks so much for all who nominated me for the 10 Best Christian Women's Blogs! You can keep nominating until January 15, so if you haven't done so already, I would so appreciate it! The form's right here, and just fill in "To Love, Honor and Vacuum" for blog name. Thank you!
Now, as most of you know, when I'm not blogging or homeschooling, I'm speaking and writing. And I know many of you are interested in speaking and writing, too, but perhaps you don't know where to start.
Here are a few resources I have that can help.
First, I've never been able to write full time because I also homeschool. Here's a long interview I did on how to combine homeschooling and writing. (Or even just stay-at-home mommying and writing).
Next, every Tuesday at noon EST I host a BlogTalkRadio show that's free to listen to! It's called Use Your Words, and this week we're going to get very practical and talk about how to schedule your year to start growing your ministry. Even if you're just starting out, I'll have some great tips!
If you really want to delve into how to speak, though, you absolutely need to listen to my audio downloads. I gave some in-depth teleseminars this summer on how to launch a speaking ministry, and how to craft a life-changing talk, and more. And these are packed full of information that I know will help you. If you want to start your year off with a bang, and really fulfill some of your dreams this year, then do check them out! It's my prayer that they'll help equip even more women to share God's message with confidence!
Happy New Year, ladies! I'm off to keep cleaning now!
Regina is COLD. Very COLD. And I forgot my hat. I do, however, have yarn and knitting needles, so I shall have to make one today.
I'm here speaking (five times over three days). I've got two down, three to go. So far it's been very rewarding, and I love the feedback I get from people. I love the actual events; I don't like the traveling so much. But apparently my kids are decorating the house while I'm gone, so I get to come home to Christmas!
I'm feelng much better about life, too, because I've had the chance to knit in the hotel room off and on. I don't know why I don't knit more when I'm at home. It always relaxes me. So all you women reading this this weekend: get off the computer, stop shopping, and go knit or crochet or scrapbook or something. Even if it's only for two hours. You'll feel better.
Here's a question for you: I think God's been talking to me about fostering lately. It's a long story, and I'll have to share it more fully when I'm not on a public computer in a hotel lobby, but I've been praying about it quite a bit. So any of you have any thoughts, either positive or negative? Have any of you fostered? Love to hear about it!
A fried one, that is. Or perhaps it's more like a little scrambled.
I'm a little tired this morning. I remember when my children were babies, and one night I left them with Keith so I could walk down to Fabricland--alone--and buy something for a new sewing pattern. I was only gone for about 45 minutes, but it was bliss. I was thinking about something for myself, and I didn't have any babies hanging off of me. It was "me" time, and though I didn't have much of it, when it did come along, it renewed me. It's funny the things we think of as treats when we have babies. Even escaping to the grocery store on our own can be a break.
Now my children are older and I don't have to worry about the diaper bag, but I still find myself feeling a little fried.
I've been writing a lot lately about time management, because it's something I've been thinking and praying about quite a bit. I'm busy, like we all are, but it seems like it's all important stuff. So where do I cut?
This fall has been really full. I've been speaking a ton on the weekends, which is great, but it does take a lot out of me. I've been good at managing my time--all the things I've written about lately really do help. But there's a point where you can't just move stuff around. You can't squeeze anything more juice out of that lemon.
Here's my problem: all during the week I'm homeschooling my kids. I honestly love that, and I do spend a lot of time with them. Their friends come over and we do stuff together. We're starting a homeschooling co-op in January, and again, I really love the other homeschooling kids in the area that are the same age as my kids. So I'm looking forward to it.
But in the middle of all the homeschooling I'm also cooking, and doing laundry, and mopping floors, and ironing, and all those things that have to get done. While they're at piano I'm running to the bank and the occasional dry cleaners. I'm taking the car in for oil changes. You get the picture.
So I spend my week trying to squeeze in all the things I need to get done. Then, at the back of my mind, I'm thinking about the speaking engagement that's coming up that weekend. And then, when the weekend hits, I hit the highway and away I go.
Often it's just for a Saturday (I've only done three complete weekends so far this year), but what that means is that I lose the day that would normally have been for me. I have no downtime.
And it's that downtime I think I need. It's not that I don't enjoy speaking--I do. But a lot of what I speak about is rather heavy. It's not all heavy. I have quite the comedy routine I do at the beginning, which is a lot of fun. And it involves a Barbie. You can see part of it here. After the laughs, however, when we get serious, I end up sharing my testimony, which includes talking about the hurts in my life, including my son dying. It's hard talking about that so often.
And when I do the big conferences, we inevitably get deeper into the subject of suffering--are you relying on your life to make you happy, or are you able to say that no matter what happens, God is enough? It's an important question, and it's one that we all need to deal with at some point. Today, though, I'm wishing that I didn't have to deal with it all the time.
Yesterday I did take a day all to myself. I sat down and I started a new knitting pattern that I really enjoy, and it's knitting up really quickly. I think I'm going to like the finished product. And I need more of that.
But what I also need is a sense from God of where my limit is. I love speaking. I want to speak. Because I homeschool, I can speak without abandoning my children, because I am home so much during the week. But I'm starting to realize that I can't just abandon me time. We need that me time.
Do you ever feel like that? If you have young children I'm sure you do. If you try to balance a job outside the home with mothering I'm sure you do, too. Sometimes it's not that we're not managing our time well; it's that we need more time for personal renewal. Susanna Wesley, the great mother of the faith from the eighteenth century (she was mother to evangelists and composers John and Charles Wesley), raised twelve children in a tiny home. Periodically she would go into her kitchen and throw her apron over her head as a symbol that she was "praying" and no one was to bother her.
I think I need to throw my apron over my head a little more often. I'm looking at my winter and spring schedule and I've decided to cut down on speaking. Several publishers are looking at one of my book proposals, and if that gets bought, I want to spend some time writing this year. I just need to be able to focus on me, just for a little while. I don't think it's selfish; I think it's realistic. Are any of you feeling the same way? Have any advice for me, or for each other? Tell me in the comments!
We all want a calling in life. We want to know our purpose. We want to know that we're on the right road. We search for affirmation that this is what we're supposed to do. And I think we do that the harder the road is that we're on.
For instance, if you stay home with your kids, and you gave up work to do so, you may think God called you there. You may be sure God called you there. But then, as the months and years go by, and you find yourself tired, you constantly second guess yourself. If this really what I'm supposed to be doing? Is there somewhere else God wants me? Am I really making a difference? Have you ever been there?
It's hard, especially if money is tight. Are you just doing what you want to do, or are you doing what God wanted you to do?
And it's true in whatever place we find ourselves. I used to second guess myself about homeschooling all the time. I don't so much anymore, but I certainly did. When we started homeschooling, we felt a definite call. Keith and I both did, and the first few years were great. But then I'd have days where I just couldn't get anything done of my real life, because homeschooling was there. So I'd have a writing deadline, or a speaking engagement, and I would be so stressed. And we'd wonder if I was really supposed to be doing all of this. Or there would be days when the girls would fight, or when Katie would refuse to do her work (quite a frequent occurrence for her when she was younger), and I'd wonder if someone else could teach them better. How could we be called to homeschooling if things were going so badly?
In retrospect I can see how wonderful it's been for our family, and how educationally beneficial (they're both about two years ahead now), but it doesn't always feel that way in the midst of it. And when you're frustrated, and you're tired, and things aren't going the way you envisioned, you start to wonder if maybe you misread God.
I certainly felt that way all last week. I was getting ready for a really big speaking engagement I had over the weekend, where I spoke at an Ontario-wide retreat for the Salvation Army women's division. Several hundred women were there, and it was stressful getting ready. I still had to homeschool. I still had to make dinner. I hate it when I'm too busy to do regular housework things, because then I feel like I'm letting down my family. I still had responsibilities at church that weren't getting done well. And it was hard.
I was probably feeling as low as I have in a long time in regards to my calling to be a speaker/writer. I just didn't have the time and energy for my family, and I figured something had to give. Something wasn't right.
Then I went and had probably the most blessed weekend speaking I have ever had. The response on Sunday was amazing. People dealt with some really difficult strongholds in their lives. I had more positive confirmation about speaking than I ever have. It was truly amazing.
And it reminded me that we can't rely on what we're feeling in the moment to determine what our calling is. If you feel a calling on your life from God, write it down. Write down the moment you heard it. Write down what you heard. Write down how you know. And then, when times get rough, go back to it. I think we base our idea of our calling too much on the day-to-day feelings. After all, just because we're called to something doesn't mean it's going to be easy. In fact, the more important thing we're called to, probably the harder it will be. You have to take time, I think, every year, just to get away with God, even for a few hours, and wrestle with Him about His vision for your life. Do it at a time when you're not depressed or anything. And then just listen.
If you don't feel peace on a daily basis, it doesn't mean you're not doing what you're supposed to do. Sometimes it's just real life, and life can be hard. I think we have this mistaken idea that if we're in the middle of God's calling, life will be easy, we will always feel peace, and we will always see success. It's not true. So don't second guess yourself. Instead, plan for specific times to hear from God during the year, and really listen. Otherwise we'll just be like that boat it talks about in the book of James, tossed to and fro with every wave.
Life is tough. Whatever you are called to is likely going to be tough. So don't despair! Just look for God's strength everyday, and remember:
There is always time in the day to accomplish God's priorities for that day.
So last weekend I was at Write Canada, a writers' conference for Christian writers in the great white north.
I did a lot of hard work, as you can see from this picture.
It's funny, though, because God really changed my direction after I came home. I thougth I was going to the writer's conference to talk about one thing (mostly ebooks), and I came home totally excited about the book proposal I've been putting off for several months. I finished it by Tuesday and sent it in to my agent.
But the other thing I got excited about was training others. I'm a speaker as well as a writer, and I think I get more energy and rewards from speaking. It's just one of my giftings. Here's a snippet of me:
We all need an online community if we want to write or speak, but even if you're online you may not be doing it in such a way that you build relationships. Learn how to blog in your niche, how to get traffic, how to use Twitter and Facebook appropriately, and what words like "StumbleUpon" and "Delicious" mean. The teleseminar is next Monday, but you can register and then listen to the teleseminar later!
And if you want to come on a journey with me to learn how to speak, find more information here. I think God is raising up an army of women to help other women focus on what's truly important. If you want to be one of them, join me!
I'm in Moncton as we speak, giving a talk on how to figure out God's priorities to a group of several hundred women!
I'm excited, because eastern Canada is where my husband's roots are, and I don't get out here nearly enough!
Anyway, the subject of my talk today is really about how to figure out where God is leading you. What really is important? It goes well with my column this week about dreaming the right dreams for ourselves.
But I think the problem that we as women have is that we put too much on ourselves, and then we end up feeling exhausted because we're not necessarily putting our energy into the things that God had for us. Of course we need to do laundry and get dinner on and get kids to dentist's appointments, but if we're not feeling like we're really in sync with what God has for our lives, then we're going to feel like something's missing.
Here's a little glimpse of the opening about how we sometimes worry about the wrong things:
If you're feeling like you're spinning your wheels and not really getting anywhere, I wish you could be in Moncton and join me today! But even if you're not, you can hear my talk. It's very similar to the one that I have on as my special download of the month! It's only $2, and it's 45 minutes long, filled with practical advice and spiritual insight. You can download right to your computer, or save it on CD or your iPod.
I'm in beautiful Kelowna, British Columbia, where my husband and I will be presenting seven talks this weekend. That's a lot!
Kelowna's a three hour time difference from home, but so far we're holding up okay. We're staying at a gorgeous resort. I think that's the best part of speaking; getting to travel and sample different hotels!
Tonight the two talks are on the Five Threats to Marriage. Keith and I are delivering the first one, and basically the two ones we're talking about are Unrealistic Expectations going into the marriage, and Difficult Adjustments once you're married.
And we all have unrealistic expectations, don't we? But the interesting thing about expectations is that we don't realize we have them. We think that's just the way the world works.
So naturally he will want to be affectionate all the time without expecting anything in return. Naturally once the kids come he will stop going out with friends and he will spend evenings playing with them. Naturally he will stop watching TV once we're married so we can take long walks together. Naturally he will do half the housework.
And then you get married, have kids, and he doesn't do any of these things that are "natural". And you think the problem is with him. But really you just came into the marriage with expectations he didn't share!
Chances are he has expectations about you, too. So how do you negotiate these things so that they're not problems anymore? How do you learn to love him and experience love from him, even if he doesn't act exactly the way you thought he should?
Well, here are some past posts that may help on that:
I'm co-hosting the Christian television show 100 Huntley Street tomorrow morning (Friday!). I think they show it at 9:00 a.m. and then again in the evening. Tune in if you can!
I've joined Twitter recently, and I'm really loving it! Neat people out there to follow.
Many of the women on my list are women who work at home so they can be with their families. And they have self-generated jobs--internet marketers, writers, editors, etc. The big question becomes: how do you find time to work when you're with your kids?
This is a huge issue, and I thought I'd share some of the things that worked for me when my children were smaller, in the hopes that they work for you, too. And then maybe you can share your tips.
1. Plan your Goals
I know everyone is always telling you to plan, plan, plan, but there is a point to this. Know what you want to accomplish and when you want to accomplish it by. And be realistic.
One of the problems I ran in to was that, as an author, there were countless things I could be doing, and indeed should have been doing, to market my books. I'd think about them, dream about them, read books about them, but I didn't have time to actually do them. I had time to do one or two, but not nine or ten. And I needed to realize that and stop beating myself up over it.
When you are at home with your kids, you are at home with your kids. You will not be able to work eight hours a day productively. But you may be able to do 2 or 3 hours. So given that, what is reasonable to expect of yourself? How long will each thing take? And what can you put off until a different season in your life?
I found small, manageable projects worked best, like article writing and column writing. I have only added blogging and other social networking lately, because they take a lot of time. I don't think I could do all of these and still write books if my children were still smaller. They're 11 and 13, so I have a lot more time now.
And my marketing is working better. A lot of you who read this blog have clicked on my Amazon links to mybooks (thank you!), and I've noticed a big uptick in people visiting my website. And that's great. But I don't feel guilty about not doing it earlier, even though it may have been more helpful when the books first came out, because I didn't have time.
So figure out what is most impotant to build your career. Is it writing? Is it starting a blog? Is it starting articles, or researching money-making techniques on the internet? Make a list of everything you want to do, and prioritize it. Then only do your #1 or #2 priorities for a time. And forgive yourself if you don't get everything on your list done!
2. Find Regular Hours
I know that sounds impossible with small kids, but it can be done. I used to use nap time for writing. Every day for two hours, even when I myself was tired, I would write. That was my work time. When the kids stopped napping, they still had downtime after lunch in their bedrooms. We instituted this early, and they stuck to it. That was their time to do puzzles, play in their beds, or look at books (and later, read). I was lucky if I got an hour eventually, but they stuck to the routine, and so did I.
Another time that works well is first thing in the morning, unless you have children who wake at 6:00. Try to stagger their bedtimes so that they do sleep until 7:30, and then you can start at 6:30 a.m. Or, if you're more of a nighthawk, do the opposite, and work after they go to bed for an hour. I'm not as big a fan of this technique, because I think we need times with our husbands. But once children reach the age of 4 or 5 they can also get their own cereal in the morning, and then this can be their video time. So they can entertain themselves while you grab an hour.
3. When You Do Work, Be Productive!
Don't check emails (unless they're business related). Don't check Twitter, or blogs, or news (unless that's part of your "job"). Only do what's on your list! Many people in offices who work 8 hours a day only do 2-3 hours of real work. If you can get 2 hours of real work in, you're ahead of the game!
Treat yourself seriously. If you are working at home to make money, then show up for work at your appointed time and WORK. Even if you're tired, or grumpy, or have PMS. If an employer were paying you, you'd show up. So show up, even if you yourself are paying you!
4. Find Things the Children Can do on their Own
A baby can stay in a playpen and entertain him or herself for half an hour, especially if that playpen is beside you or near siblings so they know they're not alone. Toddlers can play alone to a certain extent, too.
Keep certain toys, or the playpen, simply for Mommy's work time. Don't feel guilty if you're not playing with them constantly. They can be on their own for 30 minutes, as long as you're still supervising and know what they're doing! You don't have to interact with them constantly; kids do need some time to be on their own. This may only grab you 20 minutes to half an hour, but even that can be important.
5. Make Use of Free ChildCare
Libraries often have story hours, that last for half an hour. Do you have friends that go? Perhaps they can watch your kids while you work on the computer. Most libraries have wireless access!
Some gyms have childcare, too, and you can work out for half an hour and then do half an hour of work. Get creative. Kids like outings, anyway!
6. When You're With your Kids, Be With Your Kids
Finally, when you're not working, be with your kids. Learn how to switch on and off. Don't run to the computer every moment they're busy to see if you can "grab 5 minutes". You'll wear yourself out and you'll feel like nothing is ever done correctly. The kids will get into trouble or call for you and then you'll be annoyed.
So try to do something fun and active with them every day where they have your attention. Go to a playgroup. Take them to the library. Go for a walk, do a puzzle, or read some books. Have time where you really are with them, and not just supervising them in the same house, and you'll likely find they don't resent the time you take away from them quite as much.
If you're a stay at home mom, you are never going to get as much done as someone who is not with her kids. You're just not. But that doesn't mean you can't work. It just means you'll do it differently. But you're still being a great mom to your kids, and that's irreplaceable.
...My book giveaway! Every month I send a free book to whichever blog owner blogrolls me and then sends the most number of visitors to my site! So all you have to do is add my to your blog roll in your side column and you're eligible! I can check the winner easily to see who lands here, so why don't you try it? Last month Sophie from The Walcott Weekly won, and she loves her book! We have a new blog in the running this month, but I'll let you know on December 1!
...and don't forget my podcasts! They're really quite funny, and they're short! Subscribe for free through iTunes (search for To Love, Honor and Vacuum), or pick and choose what to listen to here.
...and why not subscribe? If you land here a lot and don't want to miss anything, just click on the link at the bottom of this post to add me to your feeds. If you're not sure what feeds are, click it anyway. It will show you, and a whole new world will become yours!
...and finally, do you twitter? I do! You can follow me here!
And you can join me on Facebook, too! Just search for "Sheila Wray Gregoire" and add me. Leave a note that you landed there through my blog!
Okay, that's it for now. I'm sitting in a hotel room on the road from a Girls Night Out tour, which went really well last night. I have another one tonight. So I'm getting a ton of work done keeping up my main website and organizing this blog. I have to edit a few things today and write another article, but I'm optimistic I'll get a ton done!
And the nicest thing? When I went to get dressed this morning, I realized that my youngest daughter had hidden some of her Hallowe'en chocolate in my clothes for me to find while I was way. Isn't that sweet? She knows chocolate gets to me.
Speaking of chocolate, for those of you who haven't seen it yet, here's video from my Girls Night Out tour. This is my favourite clip. It's pretty funny:
You can also sign up for my women's ministry newsletter here, so that you can keep up to date on the new resources I have for women's ministry, and new talks I'm developing in my speaking!
Thanks for joining me for this commercial! More regular blogging will follow shortly.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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