|
My Life this Week
|
|
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
|
Hello everybody! Great comments on yesterday's post on children's rooms. Keep commenting and reading if you haven't already.
I thought I'd fill you in on what I'm doing this week. On Sunday I flew out to Moncton, New Brunswick, because all this week I'm speaking at "Girls Night Out" events in various churches in the Maritimes. Last night I was in Summerside, PEI, and tonight we're in Charlottetown. Later this week we return to New Brunswick and then Nova Scotia.
I love speaking, and I love meeting people. But at the same time it can be rather stressful. I had a huge Saturday the day before I left, because my kids, who are in Bible quizzing, had a quiz meet three hours from my home. I run the quiz program for the 20 youth who participate at our church, so I was responsible for getting 20 youth to Ottawa and making sure they actually quizzed.
Our kids did great, but one of my daughters had a few disappointments. But then, at the end of the night, I had to hug them goodbye for a week, instead of getting back on that bus with them and heading home so we could talk about her disappointments.
My husband also wasn't feeling all that great, and I knew he'd have to deal with things while I was gone. He'd have to make sure Katie and Rebecca got to piano; make sure the milk and eggs were bought; make sure that Katie finished her Science assignment; and make sure that some laundry got done.
Rebecca, of course, will likely end up doing a lot of that, but Keith's ultimately in charge. I haven't left for a whole week before, and it's a new thing to me. And I'm feeling a bit guilty.
To make it worse, my husband and I didn't really communicate well that I was going. I thought he knew, since everyone else seemed to. I had told him (I'm sure I had), but it didn't stick. Then I began to pack all last week, since the airplane lets you have 2 50 pound bags, and I need to make sure I use all that 50 pounds (I have to bring my books to sell, you see). So I was packing for a good three or four days, the suitcases all over the floor. I thought that would have been a clue that I was going somewhere, but it seems like Keith didn't really realize it until I started making the list of all the things he'd have to attend to the week that I was gone.
He was gracious about it; they all were, because they support me. But it's hard, because I feel like I've left them in the lurch. I guess that's just what mothers feel. I don't think I'm wrong, of course, because let's face it. I homeschool my kids. I'm home with them all the time. If I'm away for a week, they'll survive. And Keith has gone to work or gone on a 48-hour shift many times when I wasn't feeling well, and that was par for the course. So it's not that this is wrong. I just always feel pulled in two directions.
I spent an hour and a half on Skype on Sunday night, once I landed in Moncton, talking to my daughter who had the bad day. We sorted a lot of things out, and I think she's all set to go now. I'm so glad we can keep in touch. But this being a mom thing is hard.
I know Keith can look after the kids. I know Rebecca can handle the house. And I know Katie will be all right. But I still feel like I should be there, managing everything and making sure everyone is happy.
What is it with mothers, anyway? Even when I'm doing something I know I am called to do, I feel vaguely like I'm letting people down.
Last night, when I was sharing my story, I encouraged the women to ask themselves, "Is God Enough"? Usually when we hear that question we answer glibly, "of course He is", but is He? Because a lot of us are holding things back: I love you God, but I really want a baby. I love you, Lord, but I really need that job. I love you, God, but I can't live with this pain. And I told them how to wrestle through that question.
After the break a woman came up to me who had only recently lost a baby, in a similar situation to the way I had. We talked for a bit, and I hope that I encouraged her. And I realized: this is where I'm supposed to be.
But my heart is in a house in a different province, where a 15-year-old girl is doing laundry, and a 13-year-old girl is healing her heart, and a 40-year-old man is trying to pull it all together. Life can be tough, can't it?Labels: speaking |
Add to:  facebook |  Twitter |  Del.icio.us |  Stumble It! | Digg | Technorati |
 Subscribe to To Love, Honor and Vacuum
posted @ 8:33 AM
 
|
|
|
|
I can totally relate to you're always feeling torn when you're away, like you should be home making sure everyone is happy. I struggle with that always. I'm not able to figure it out if it's guilt for no reason or if it's an uneasiness from God because I really shouldn't be leaving. This Mom thing really is hard! I am seeing the rewards from a lifetime of pouring myself out for my kids though.... oldest daughter is newly married and establishing a wonderful Godly home with her new husband!!!