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My Life this Week
Hello everybody! Great comments on yesterday's post on children's rooms. Keep commenting and reading if you haven't already.

I thought I'd fill you in on what I'm doing this week. On Sunday I flew out to Moncton, New Brunswick, because all this week I'm speaking at "Girls Night Out" events in various churches in the Maritimes. Last night I was in Summerside, PEI, and tonight we're in Charlottetown. Later this week we return to New Brunswick and then Nova Scotia.

I love speaking, and I love meeting people. But at the same time it can be rather stressful. I had a huge Saturday the day before I left, because my kids, who are in Bible quizzing, had a quiz meet three hours from my home. I run the quiz program for the 20 youth who participate at our church, so I was responsible for getting 20 youth to Ottawa and making sure they actually quizzed.

Our kids did great, but one of my daughters had a few disappointments. But then, at the end of the night, I had to hug them goodbye for a week, instead of getting back on that bus with them and heading home so we could talk about her disappointments.

My husband also wasn't feeling all that great, and I knew he'd have to deal with things while I was gone. He'd have to make sure Katie and Rebecca got to piano; make sure the milk and eggs were bought; make sure that Katie finished her Science assignment; and make sure that some laundry got done.

Rebecca, of course, will likely end up doing a lot of that, but Keith's ultimately in charge. I haven't left for a whole week before, and it's a new thing to me. And I'm feeling a bit guilty.

To make it worse, my husband and I didn't really communicate well that I was going. I thought he knew, since everyone else seemed to. I had told him (I'm sure I had), but it didn't stick. Then I began to pack all last week, since the airplane lets you have 2 50 pound bags, and I need to make sure I use all that 50 pounds (I have to bring my books to sell, you see). So I was packing for a good three or four days, the suitcases all over the floor. I thought that would have been a clue that I was going somewhere, but it seems like Keith didn't really realize it until I started making the list of all the things he'd have to attend to the week that I was gone.

He was gracious about it; they all were, because they support me. But it's hard, because I feel like I've left them in the lurch. I guess that's just what mothers feel. I don't think I'm wrong, of course, because let's face it. I homeschool my kids. I'm home with them all the time. If I'm away for a week, they'll survive. And Keith has gone to work or gone on a 48-hour shift many times when I wasn't feeling well, and that was par for the course. So it's not that this is wrong. I just always feel pulled in two directions.

I spent an hour and a half on Skype on Sunday night, once I landed in Moncton, talking to my daughter who had the bad day. We sorted a lot of things out, and I think she's all set to go now. I'm so glad we can keep in touch. But this being a mom thing is hard.

I know Keith can look after the kids. I know Rebecca can handle the house. And I know Katie will be all right. But I still feel like I should be there, managing everything and making sure everyone is happy.

What is it with mothers, anyway? Even when I'm doing something I know I am called to do, I feel vaguely like I'm letting people down.

Last night, when I was sharing my story, I encouraged the women to ask themselves, "Is God Enough"? Usually when we hear that question we answer glibly, "of course He is", but is He? Because a lot of us are holding things back: I love you God, but I really want a baby. I love you, Lord, but I really need that job. I love you, God, but I can't live with this pain. And I told them how to wrestle through that question.

After the break a woman came up to me who had only recently lost a baby, in a similar situation to the way I had. We talked for a bit, and I hope that I encouraged her. And I realized: this is where I'm supposed to be.

But my heart is in a house in a different province, where a 15-year-old girl is doing laundry, and a 13-year-old girl is healing her heart, and a 40-year-old man is trying to pull it all together. Life can be tough, can't it?



At 9:52 AM , Anonymous BC said…

I can totally relate to you're always feeling torn when you're away, like you should be home making sure everyone is happy. I struggle with that always. I'm not able to figure it out if it's guilt for no reason or if it's an uneasiness from God because I really shouldn't be leaving. This Mom thing really is hard! I am seeing the rewards from a lifetime of pouring myself out for my kids though.... oldest daughter is newly married and establishing a wonderful Godly home with her new husband!!!


At 1:18 PM , Blogger trish adams said…

Girl, you are preaching to the choir :) and we're singing the same tune. Although your girls are much older than mine, I totally understand, and yes you are doing the right thing. You're doing what you're called to do. Speak to women, speak to them about what will carry them for a life time. Yes, a life time.
Your family will be fine for one week, just think if you did not make this sacrifice for the One you serve you would have never met that one woman that needed to hear what you had been through and encourage her.
From what I can tell, you give so much to your family and you will continue to but this week is a special week for many many reasons.

God Bless you my dear sister.
You encourage many!!

Hugs, and Blessings,
Trish A.


At 6:10 PM , Blogger Susie said…

Oh, Sheila, I can so relate!! lol! Isn't it so nice to know we are not alone in our jumbled up feelings? My latest away-from-home time has been ministering to my good friend who has been in the hospital for 3 weeks and to her family. The hospital is an hour away from my house, so it does take chunks out of the day... but I know it is what the Lord wants me to do for sure, and we are not done.
The bonus of it all is children who think serving the Lord with all you've got is just the normal way to live. :) And so it should be. :)

Thanks for showing me I'm not alone.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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