My one prayer that never seems to get answered is, "God, give me more time!" There is no more time. There is only what we have; and each day has enough time in it for what God wants us to do. If we don't feel like we're getting everything done, then we need to do something about it. Here are some thoughts:
1. As much as possible, sleep to a schedule
Last year my husband starting getting up at 6:30, every single day. Even on weekends. He found that if he trained his body to wake up at the same time each day, he felt far less tired because his body knew when it was supposed to be awake. But if you're going to get up at a certain time everyday, you've also got to go to bed at a certain time, too.
I know that's rough if you have kids who still wake up in the middle of the night, but as much as possible, establish a sleep routine. You'll find you get to sleep faster, and you don't feel as tired during the day!
2. Start your day a little earlier
Not a morning person? Just try it for a month! I find that when my day starts earlier, and I can get the major things done by 9:00 (shower, devotions, exercise, breakfast), then I have three hours to work before lunch. On the days that I get a late start, I often don't get much done before lunch and that causes panic in the afternoon.
Even if you're a stay at home mom, set a time for the day beginning, when you will commence housework, or play group, or story time, or an outing to the library, or something. Stick to it, and you'll find that you feel like you accomplish more! I'm finding this one hard right now because I'm still a little jetlagged from my trip to Alberta. But I'm going to try to start getting up at 7 again, because I know that's best for me.
3. Set a limit on your time wasters
Do you check email every 15 minutes? Update Facebook throughout the day? Check out your blogs? Don't stop all together. That's not realistic. But you can put parameters around it.
Think about it this way: if you check email every 15 minutes, you're spending a lot of time checking when there's likely nothing there (or maybe just 1 thing). Start checking just at lunch and then before you make dinner, and you'll find a whole bunch of things that you can take care of all at once. You don't miss anything, but it takes less time to go through them! It's the same thing with Facebook or blogs. Read your blogs in a reader (I love NewsRack for my iPad!). I just check once a day now, and I can skim all the blog posts to see only the ones I want to read. It's awesome!
What about television? Do you really need to watch it? I'm not trying to be a purist here; I got rid of the television about 15 years ago, but I've simply replaced it with the internet. It's not that I never waste time anymore; I just waste it differently, and I'll be totally honest with you about that. But one thing that's great about getting rid of TV is that we can watch all the good shows all in one setting once they're out on DVD! It doesn't matter that they're old; we never saw them in the first place. So instead of being glued to a TV, why not try to move your TV viewing to DVD or the internet when you control the time?
4. Put first things first
Part of the reason that we feel frazzled is that often at the end of the day we climb into bed with that unsettled feeling because we know that we have left important things undone. When the big stuff doesn't get done, it doesn't matter how much else you accomplished during the day. You don't feel fulfilled.
So what is your big stuff? I'd put having meaningful time with God and with family high up on that list. Having dinner together, if possible. Instead of making a to-do list every morning, of all the possible things that you think you should get accomplished, why not make a "must do" list? If you had to narrow your list down to three things today, what would those three things be? What is most important to you?
Often the things that are actually most important don't show up on our to-do lists because errands and busy-ness crowd them out. But that's absolutely lethal to our sense of well-being. Instead, wake up in the morning with this question for God: "What three things do you absolutely want me to do today?" Then get those three done for sure! You'll feel far less like a failure, and more like you've accomplished your main purpose in life.
I think we go about things backwards; we often feel best about ourselves when we can cross off a ton of things off of our lists. But I think spending more time on fewer things is actually better for us in the long run.
So ask yourself: what is MOST important? And then do that! You'll feel much better at the end of the day!
Which thing is hardest for you? Let me know in the comments!
This post is also being linked to Homemaking Link-Up at Raising Homemakers! Head on over there for more links on raising the next generation to care for their families!
Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of papers. Here's today's "Reality Check":
Knock Knock. Who’s there? The Interrupting Sheep. The Interrupting Sh----BAAAA!
That joke is guaranteed to cause all five-year-olds to collapse into fits of laughter—once you explain it to them, of course. And the best part is that there is an endless array of barnyard animals you can use when the sheep lose their appeal. The Interrupting Cow. The Interrupting Horse. The Interrupting Pig. You get the drift.
What really bothers me, however, is not the intrusion of the occasional farmyard occupant, but rather the everyday intrusions of technology. I have never figured out, for instance, why the telephone should take precedence over face-to-face interactions.
Let’s say that I’m relaxing with my husband. We’re chatting, or laughing, or enjoying a movie together, and the phone rings. Why answer it? I am doing exactly what I want to do; I am spending quality time with the man I love. But inevitably that ringing causes us to jump to our feet, endure a momentary panic as we try to ascertain the location of at least one of our three portable phones, and then abandon each other for the urgency of technology. Even if it’s actually a friend or a family member, why should that person rob me of time with my husband? Yet inevitably one of us ends up chatting, and our time together is lost. I figure the measure of true friendship is when you can tell a caller that you don’t want to talk right now because you were busy doing nothing. You’ll get back to them when you’re done.
I once had a university professor who told our class that he never answered the phone. To him, a phone call was like someone interrupting your conversation. Instead, he installed an answering machine, and simply returned the calls he felt warranted his time. In general, he thought life would be better if people went back to writing letters. Then we’d only communicate if we had something pressing to say.
Perhaps he has a point. Over the last decade communication has gotten so much easier. Not only can we phone people; we can text, email, skype, or use internet chat. Just because the quantity of our communication has increased, though, doesn’t mean the quality has. Read the most common text message—WASSUP?—and you quickly realize that while we say a lot, we’re just creating noise. If you had to mount up a horse and then ride for an hour before you could deliver a message, you’d make sure that message was vital. Today, we throw out so many messages because it’s easy. Then we become so addicted to this instant reach-out-and-touch someone that it makes us stupid. Last month nineteen-year-old Jonathan Parker was arrested for burglary in Pennsylvania because after rooting through the victim’s jewelry box, he decided to update his Facebook status. And he left his page open on his victim’s computer.
Now I’m not a technology saint. In fact, despite my abhorrence of being interrupted, I do my own fair share of interrupting others. I’m a Twitter addict. I use Facebook. I wade through hundreds of emails a day. But sometimes, every now and then, I just want to sit on the couch and cuddle with someone I love without hearing the phone ringing, or without having to subdue the overwhelming urge to check if something new is in my inbox.
We live in an interrupting world, and sometimes I wish everybody, altogether, would shut up, just for a little while. Imagine how peaceful that could be.
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Whether you work outside the home or you're busy inside the home, the question always is: what can I squeeze into the morning? What should I squeeze into the morning? How can I start my day off right?
I often get up around 7, but I'm tired. So I tended to gravitate to the computer and check emails and post something on this blog and check Twitter and surf, and soon an hour would be gone. Then I'd scramble to shower, get dressed, get some breakfast, do my devotions and start homeschooling. And chances were I didn't get going for the day until 10, and I just didn't feel that that was acceptable.
Of course, when the children were younger it was even harder. I remember when they were really little I'd get up with them, put a video on, and go back to sleep on the couch, sitting with them, so I was right there if anything bad happened. And then I'd stick them in a playpen and go have my shower. It wasn't easy.
But now that my children are older, I should theoretically be able to get a good start to my day. The problem is that I want to start my day with too many things. Exercise, devotions, shower, breakfast, time on the web. And recently I've just decided that exercise needs to come first, because it helps me wake up anyway.
I'm one of those people who has always been relatively slim. I've never been skinny, but I've never been big, either. But the last few years I've gained about 3 pounds each year, so that I'm 12-15 pounds up where I was a little while ago. And while I still look fine, and I'm not upset about it, I'm worried about the trajectory. I don't want to get heavily overweight. My metabolism is simply slowing. That's life. But it means I do have to exercise to stay healthy and stay in shape.
So I've decided to exercise first, check email and post on this blog for 15 minutes, have my shower, and then sit down with my Bible and hot chocolate (it's heavy on the cocoa and low on the sugar). I know some people think you should do the Bible first, but if I do that I'm not really awake.
The problem is, now that I add exercise my day really doesn't start until 9:45 or 10. And that bugs me. But it's not realistic to get up at 6, not for me. I know some of you can do it, but I can't. So I feel a little bit badly about that, but I don't see how to change it. At least I know at 10 that I've done the important things for the day.
What do the rest of you do? I'd really like to know. Sometimes I just feel like it's so hard to fit in everything we're supposed to do. I don't know how people find the time.
By the way, I'm working out the Wii fit and getting a really good workout! I figured out how to use it so it does some real good. Anybody want to know the routines? I'll post them if you'd like.
I have a daughter who is very talented at figure skating. She pretty much taught herself, watching YouTube videos of famous skaters and then practising during our homeschool skate times.
We've been trying to put her in lessons, but the clubs near us are always full. I'm going to make the effort next year, though, because she is very committed to it.
When she was younger she had the opportunity to do competitive gymnastics. She's always been really flexible; she often sits in the splits while she reads.
And we said no anyway. My cousin was in competitive, and she had a great time, but it's not that she ever got to the Olympics or anything. And so she spent 15 hours a week doing a hobby that made her parents rush her around everywhere. I'm not saying my aunt and uncle were wrong; I don't think they were. It's just that for our family I didn't want that. And maybe I could have handled the lessons during the week, but the kicker for me was the summer. They expected you to be there for 75% of the lesson times anyway, and we like to go camping and get away in the summer. I just couldn't give that up.
I think children should have the chance to do well at sports, and pursue hobbies and dreams. But too often today these things take on a seriousness which I don't think they warrant.
I was browsing some blogs lately, and I came across one woman at the United States of Motherhood who was bemoaning her child's competitive swimming. He had actually made it into the top 38 in the nation, and so he was on his way. But listen to their schedule:
He loves swimming. His friends and social circle are there. It's his thing. But he used to love to read? He used to get great grades? Where did that boy go? .... Was I wrong? Am I wrong to let swimming take over our life?
Swimming seven days a week. Some days we leave for swimming at 3:30 and get home at 9 PM.
Dinner is eaten on the run most nights.
Homework is done in the car, in the stands of the pool, or at the nearby library.
She ended up threatening to take away swimming this summer because of his grades, which is a worry. But I think there's a bigger worry. Here's my take, and what I would say to her:
When your son is older, what will ultimately matter is not swimming lessons or swim team, as beneficial as that may be. What will matter is that he has a strong relationship with you which grounded him in his identity, his faith, his integrity, and his character.
Swimming is fun, but it is not the main thing in life. The main thing is your character and what you will become. Swimming can play a role in teaching discipline, but what he really needs is to anchored in his family, and for that you need time to be a family--to eat dinner together, to play together, to walk together.
Seven days a week is just too much, even if he's Olympic material. The Olympics are not worth sacrificing your family over.
So you need to find balance. The thing that is most correlated with academic, relational, and emotional success in life is eating dinner as a family. If you have no time, that's a problem.
I look at some of these girls who have won Olympic medals in gymnastics or skating, and I still think it wasn't worth it. So they've got a medal. They've wrecked their childhood. And it's your relationship and stability with your family that you only get during those childhood years that helps them form the morals and values, and acquire the faith, they need later in life.
I know that sports teaches you morals, but it can't replace a family just hanging out together.
So my advice to you this summer: don't overschedule it. Now's the time to quit a lot of outside involvement. Hang out together. Escape together. Talk together. Read together. Be together again without having to nag about homework, or piano practice, or getting to bed early. This is your chance just to have fun and rediscover family. Don't waste it!
Every now and then I go on a rampage on how I just need more discipline.
I can see all kinds of areas of my life which would be more productive and effective if I did things better. I need more discipline in my homeschool. I need to make healthier snacks. I need to spend more time in prayer. I need to jog more.
You know the drill.
But I also know that's not God's voice. God, I don't believe, is up in heaven saying, "You should just try a little harder." No, God is calling us to a relationship with Him.
Self-control and discipline are fruits of the spirit. We are called, for instance, to abstain from gluttony, and sexual excess, and drunkenness, and laziness. We are called to abstain from excess of any kind.
But that doesn't mean that self-control can be the goal for our lives. I don't think you can pursue self-control any more than you can pursue any others of the fruits of the Spirit, like love or joy. Can you pursue joy and be joyful? No. But you can pursue God.
And I think that's the point. The reason I sometimes feel out of whack is not because my schedule is wrong or I'm not trying hard enough. It's because I don't have enough time in prayer.
Look at Jesus. He was disciplined. He was effective. But He didn't have a schedule which said that He was going to spend this much time on one thing, and then this much time on something else. You get the feeling that He didn't have much of an agenda. Instead, He spend a lot of time in prayer, and then went where God moved.
I am not saying we shouldn't have schedules. I think they're necessary for many things, including responsible homeschooling and homemaking, and I even some free organizational charts you can download here!
What I am saying is that my problem is not so much with discipline as it is with dedication. I need to be more dedicated to God, because I believe that if I spend more time just in prayer, I will be led more by Him. I will be able to hear His voice. I will waste less time, I will be more effective with what I do have, and I will not feel that I have wasted my day if I haven't reached my goals, because I will know I have reached God's goals.
Rick Warren once said that there is enough time in the day to do everything God wants you to do today, and I think that is so true. If there are too many things on your plate, and you can't possibly get them all done, then realize that God knows that. He doesn't want you to get them all done. But the ones He does want you to concentrate on He does give you time for.
The trick is to be able to hear His voice. And that means spending more time in prayer. I am very disciplined at blogging, and having my shower, and making my bed. I'm not disciplined at listening enough to God. I don't want to add something else to my "to-do" list, but I don't think prayer is actually adding to a to-do list. I think it's subtracting. Because the more we pray, the more our priorities are clarified, and our spirit is renewed.
But prayer isn't spending five minutes listing all the things that we need. It has to be an interaction with God that we take some time with. I believe that God speaks the deepest when we have spent the time and energy to listen. So that's my new spring and summer goal. I'm going to pray, instead of surfing all kinds of blogs. I'm not going to be more disciplined and try harder; I'm simply going to be more dedicated to Him.
What do you think? How do you hear His voice? And do you struggle with feeling like you should "try harder"? How do you reconcile that? Let's get the conversation going!
Mother's Day is just around the corner, and so I think it's time for a Mom's Reality Check!
Sometimes we moms feel too much like we're spinning our wheels!We work constantly, but are we heading in the right direction? Are we really getting anywhere?
In this week's podcast we look at a specific way to measure whether what we're doing is really God's best or not. When we focus on what He wants us to do, we'll always feel energized. If we fill our lives, though, with the "merely good", we'll always feel drained.
I know being a mom is tiring. I've had an exhausting couple of weeks! But every now and then we need to take stock, and ask God if we're concentrating on the right things in our lives. Today might just be that day!
So listen in to this encouraging podcast! It's just a few minutes long, but it may just help you to aim for the best, and feel more purposeful in the process!
UPDATE: Catherine made a really good point in the comments, and I was going to answer there, but I thought maybe it would be better to put the answer here so everyone can see.
I think I used my words too flippantly, Catherine, and you're right. So let me take another stab at it and say what I really meant to say.
I believe that God gives us energy and ability to do WHAT HE HAS CALLED US TO DO. Sort of like the verse in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says that there is no temptation taken us that we won't be able to handle, because He always gives us a way of escape. When He calls us somewhere, He provides.
That doesn't mean we don't get discouraged; look at Elijah. But if God calls us to something, He similarly equips us for something. He doesn't expect us to do it in our own strength.
But He doesn't just equip us physically; He also equips us spiritually by giving us peace that we are right where we are supposed to be. Like He says, His burden is light.
I think part of the problem we have is that we take on more than God asks us to. We spend our energy in too many things that He doesn't want us to spend our energy on. And when we're doing what I call "good" things, but not the best, we end up feeling like something is wrong. We don't have that satisfaction that comes from being in the middle of God's peace.
And that's when we often make things worse by trying even harder, instead of just stepping back and re-evaluating. I talk about this concept more in today's podcast, but I hope that explains it well.
If God calls us to something, it is up to Him to equip. If He doesn't, then that's not where He wanted us anyway. Now that doesn't mean that we won't have obstacles, but it does mean that when God puts us somewhere, He says that He will provide. But if we're wandering around somewhere where God hasn't placed us, chances are we're going to waste valuable energy and emotional resources. And I think that's what many of us are doing, running so hard in our daily lives, but missing out on the truly transformational moments that come in relationships.
Does that make sense? I hope so, but if not, comment again and I'll clarify!
Some of you may know what that means, but many of you probably don't. I only figured it out a month ago, but I'm hooked.
Are you on Facebook? It was the big thing of 2007, I think, and I signed up then. I do love Facebook, and keeping up with people.
But Twitter is even better at that. It's sort of like a Facebook with only the status updates. You can only post 140 characters at a time, so it's a challenge to stay in that limit. And while on Facebook people may only post once a day, on Twitter it's far more frequent.
The weird thing about Twitter is that you tend to be friends with people you don't know. On Facebook I started out only with people I had some sort of a relationship with. On Twitter you find people with similar interests and follow them. I have searches always open for homeschooling and Christian writers and Christian speakers, for example, and whenever someone puts up a Tweet on those topics, it shows up on my Twitter application. I can then look at these new people and decide if I want to follow.
And I've found some great people that way!
It takes up time, but I don't read all the Tweets that come my way. I only read when I happen to buzz over there. I have about 350 followers right now, and I'm following I think around 315 (I haven't checked yet this morning), which sounds like a lot, but many people are following in the thousands. You just learn to filter out only what you want to read.
I've discovered awesome websites, and great recipes, and neat people.
But the best part is that when you have a problem, you get instantaneous replies. Over Christmas someone sent me a gift certificate in Microsoft Publisher that I needed to print out to give to my mother. Only I don't have Microsoft Publisher. By the time I realized this mixup it was Christmas Eve and I couldn't call the office to have them fix it.
I put up a Tweet about it, and within twenty minutes four different people had pointed me to online solutions that worked! It was great. I would never have known what to do otherwise.
As a writer, I also find Twitter great for publicity, but that's not the main thing it's for. I just find I can ask questions about homeschooling, or speaking, and someone is going to know something and reply really quickly.
Are you on Twitter yet? You can always give it a try! Just join up at http://twitter.com, and then you can always follow me! If you go to http://www.tweetdeck.com (my favourite way to use Twitter), you can search for terms you're interested in, and discover new people.
Make it your preferred time waster for 2009! I love it.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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