My one prayer that never seems to get answered is, "God, give me more time!" There is no more time. There is only what we have; and each day has enough time in it for what God wants us to do. If we don't feel like we're getting everything done, then we need to do something about it. Here are some thoughts:
1. As much as possible, sleep to a schedule
Last year my husband starting getting up at 6:30, every single day. Even on weekends. He found that if he trained his body to wake up at the same time each day, he felt far less tired because his body knew when it was supposed to be awake. But if you're going to get up at a certain time everyday, you've also got to go to bed at a certain time, too.
I know that's rough if you have kids who still wake up in the middle of the night, but as much as possible, establish a sleep routine. You'll find you get to sleep faster, and you don't feel as tired during the day!
2. Start your day a little earlier
Not a morning person? Just try it for a month! I find that when my day starts earlier, and I can get the major things done by 9:00 (shower, devotions, exercise, breakfast), then I have three hours to work before lunch. On the days that I get a late start, I often don't get much done before lunch and that causes panic in the afternoon.
Even if you're a stay at home mom, set a time for the day beginning, when you will commence housework, or play group, or story time, or an outing to the library, or something. Stick to it, and you'll find that you feel like you accomplish more! I'm finding this one hard right now because I'm still a little jetlagged from my trip to Alberta. But I'm going to try to start getting up at 7 again, because I know that's best for me.
3. Set a limit on your time wasters
Do you check email every 15 minutes? Update Facebook throughout the day? Check out your blogs? Don't stop all together. That's not realistic. But you can put parameters around it.
Think about it this way: if you check email every 15 minutes, you're spending a lot of time checking when there's likely nothing there (or maybe just 1 thing). Start checking just at lunch and then before you make dinner, and you'll find a whole bunch of things that you can take care of all at once. You don't miss anything, but it takes less time to go through them! It's the same thing with Facebook or blogs. Read your blogs in a reader (I love NewsRack for my iPad!). I just check once a day now, and I can skim all the blog posts to see only the ones I want to read. It's awesome!
What about television? Do you really need to watch it? I'm not trying to be a purist here; I got rid of the television about 15 years ago, but I've simply replaced it with the internet. It's not that I never waste time anymore; I just waste it differently, and I'll be totally honest with you about that. But one thing that's great about getting rid of TV is that we can watch all the good shows all in one setting once they're out on DVD! It doesn't matter that they're old; we never saw them in the first place. So instead of being glued to a TV, why not try to move your TV viewing to DVD or the internet when you control the time?
4. Put first things first
Part of the reason that we feel frazzled is that often at the end of the day we climb into bed with that unsettled feeling because we know that we have left important things undone. When the big stuff doesn't get done, it doesn't matter how much else you accomplished during the day. You don't feel fulfilled.
So what is your big stuff? I'd put having meaningful time with God and with family high up on that list. Having dinner together, if possible. Instead of making a to-do list every morning, of all the possible things that you think you should get accomplished, why not make a "must do" list? If you had to narrow your list down to three things today, what would those three things be? What is most important to you?
Often the things that are actually most important don't show up on our to-do lists because errands and busy-ness crowd them out. But that's absolutely lethal to our sense of well-being. Instead, wake up in the morning with this question for God: "What three things do you absolutely want me to do today?" Then get those three done for sure! You'll feel far less like a failure, and more like you've accomplished your main purpose in life.
I think we go about things backwards; we often feel best about ourselves when we can cross off a ton of things off of our lists. But I think spending more time on fewer things is actually better for us in the long run.
So ask yourself: what is MOST important? And then do that! You'll feel much better at the end of the day!
Which thing is hardest for you? Let me know in the comments!
This post is also being linked to Homemaking Link-Up at Raising Homemakers! Head on over there for more links on raising the next generation to care for their families!
Here at Simplify Your Life month we've been talking about paring down all month.
And today I want to let you dream a bit: what's the one thing you would get rid of in your life, if you could?
Hockey games that you have sitting at, but feel like you have to because you son loves it? All the volunteering you do at church? Laundry? Baby-sitting someone else's kids? A part-time job? In-laws? Grocery shopping? What?
What is your biggest source of stress? What is the one task which, when you have to do it, you groan inside and you have to steel yourself against all the negative feelings that you have?
If you had only one month to live, chances are it would be the first thing that you get rid of, because it's not worth it. There's too much negative energy there, and not enough positive, God-given joy.
Today I want to help you dump that one thing without having to resort to a cancer diagnosis to do so. Don't be scared; it's easier than you think, and it's not going to hurt that much.
1. Identify Your One Thing Think hard about what you do that gives you the most stress. Sometimes we're afraid to admit it to ourselves because it's such a central thing in our lives. But be honest: what is the one thing that drives you the most crazy?
2. What Purpose Does that One Thing play?
What is the purpose of that one thing in the lives of you and your family? For instance, let's say we're talking about hockey for your 9-year-old son. You're sick of getting up at 6 in the morning every Saturday and hauling small children to a cold rink so they can watch their brother. The expense is killing you. You don't like the other parents. But what is the purpose of hockey? It's to give your son competition, fun, exercise, and a social life.
Take a look at those four things for a moment: competition, fun, exercise, and a social life. Can he meet those needs somewhere else? Does it have to be through hockey? Maybe he can join a different league that doesn't play as often. Maybe you can have him go out once in a while when friends rent the ice. Maybe he can join soccer in the summer to get competition, and in the winter you all can go skating together as a family, or take up cross country skiing as exercise. Or maybe you can go for hikes and go tobagonning once the snow comes.
Or what if your one thing is your part-time job. What purpose does that serve? Giving money for the family, right? Can you meet that purpose in another way? Maybe you can save more money by smarter grocery shopping. Maybe you can get a different job, or find a way to make a small amount of money online. Maybe you can help your husband make more money.
Once we figure out the purpose, it's easier to see if the activity itself is necessary, and if there are alternatives to whatever is driving you crazy.
3. Can Others Do It?
What if the thing that is driving you nuts is grocery shopping, or laundry, or keeping the living room clean? Can others do that? Can you divide up the chores and assign these to someone else? Can you hire someone to do some basic cleaning? Can you change the way your family works so that the kids do their own laundry, or fold while they watch TV? Does it have to fall entirely on your plate?
4. Can You Develop a Different Attitude?
Let's say you've tried all that and it doesn't really look like things can change. You can't get rid of it; it's an essential part of your family, even though it drains you.
So the next question is this: can you change the way you think about it? I'll grant you that it's draining, but can you tackle it in a new way?
Let's say, for instance, that the thing you can't get rid of is visiting your grandmother in a nursing home every Saturday. It saps up your time, it's horrendously boring, you get little gratitude, and you feel guilty the whole time you're there because you don't want to be there and you feel like you're letting your children down. But there's no one else to go, and you feel like you need to help her with basic groceries and other things once a week.
Can you instead embrace it as time to yourself to pray? Can you give yourself twenty minutes, while you're shopping for her, just to do have some alone time? Can you bring a book and sit in the food court and read for a few minutes before you go back with her groceries? Can you bring your journal and as you're sitting with her, make that your time to process what's happened this week. Can you read out loud to her, and focus on reading something that you've wanted to read.
Can you simply think of that time and task that you can't get rid of as a chance to give an offering to God of your time and energy?
Some things in life we can't get rid of, but that doesn't mean we have to hate every minute of it. Maybe there's a way to start seeing the blessing in a small amount of time away from the family, or in the quiet space sitting with an older person. It's never going to be the most fun thing you do, but you may be able to change the way you do it so it fits with your style a little bit more, and so that you can derive some intense satisfaction from it, too.
When we're feeling overwhelmed, the tendency is to think that we are trapped: our lives are exactly the way they need to be, and we can't change them. But that's usually not true at all. You always have power to make different choices. So I'd invite you to take a good, hard look at the things that sap your energy the most, and ask yourself these questions. Can something else serve that purpose in our lives? Can somebody else do it? Can I change the way I think about it? You just may find that you have more power than you think after all!
Have you ever had to get rid of your "one thing"? What did you do? Let's talk about it in the comments!
Last week I started my week thinking about busy-ness. I was too busy. But I concluded that the "busy" feeling was largely one of my own making. It wasn't only that I had too much on my plate--though I did have a lot--it was also that I was letting the computer steal a bunch of my time.
So what's the alternative? Right now, I'm sitting at my kitchen table with five days in front of me. And the question is, how am I going to make those five days count? How am I going to make sure that what needs to get done does indeed get done?
I've done the to-do list thing. Many of us have. And I don't always find them helpful. Sometimes they can just be stifling, because there's so much on there it gets discouraging. When you go to make a to-do list, you often think of all the things you wish you would just complete, and those go on the list. And then your to-do list stretches a mile.
I think there's a better way to handle it, and so today I'm going to sketch out what I'd like my days to look like. I'm not saying I always achieve this, but this is the aim. And if you would like to comment and add your thoughts, too, that would be great! Maybe together we'd figure out how to use our days more productively, but also how to savour the downtime and just enjoy being with those we love. So here goes:
1. Have a morning routine. I've written about this before, because mornings are my test. If I can start the morning off right, the rest of the day tends to go well. If I dither or start too late, I become discouraged and often give up on my plans for the day! So I suggest that everyone adopt some sort of a morning routine. When we have a routine we don't need a to-do list. We know what to do, when. It becomes habit.
So, for instance, I often get up, write a blog post, read my Bible and sip hot chocolate, exercise, shower, and make my bed, in that order. It takes about an hour and a half. Now my children are older now, so I don't have to get up with them, or get them dressed, or even get them breakfast. They can get their own. I know it's tough when you have smaller children. But even then I did have a routine. I would often put on a certain video, or put them in the playpen, while I showered. I tended to have breakfast at a certain time. When we had a routine, the kids knew what to expect and didn't complain too much.
What do you do in the morning to get your day off right?
2. Put first things first. Part of my morning routine involves reading the Bible. I need to have that time just talking to God and praying, and having some quiet, peaceful time before the day begins. For a while I tried to do this before blogging, but I gave up, because frankly I'm too tired when I first wake up to have productive time being quiet. And quiet time can definitely be productive! We think things through, we pray about important things. But I can't do that when I'm almost falling asleep. So I try to do something else first that wakes me up, so that I can concentrate more and give my full attention to God.
It's important to be quiet, at least for a little bit, at the beginning of the day. Assess your priorities. Bring your worries before God. Examine your heart. When we do these things, the day tends to flow better.
3. Get active. I can't tell you how much happier I've been since I started working out in the morning! It was always something I wanted to do, but getting to the gym was so impossible. With the Wii Fit Plus, I can just workout in my own home. I'm probably not getting as strenuous a workout as I would at the gym, but the point is that I'm doing it. And I've been really consistent for about a month now. It does mean that my school day (since we homeschool) begins about a half hour later than I would otherwise, but because I've exercised I tend to have more energy!
4. Figure out what your "one thing" is. I read a great article on time management recently that said that successful people don't make to-do lists. They simply know what the one biggest priority is, and they work that priority. So their to-do list is only one thing long. I think that's brilliant, and to tell you the truth, it really does work. My one thing right now is my column. I need to get that written and sent in. When that's done, I'll have another one thing. But I find that I can worry about one thing far better than I can worry about twenty. So I try to figure out what the one thing is that is causing me the most stress and worry, and work on getting that out of the way first.
5. Have routines for "routine" things. Sounds basic, but few of us do it. You have to do laundry. You have to do grocery shopping. You have to do ironing (even if you try to reduce the amount of ironing you do as much as possible). You have to change your sheets and mop the floors. I don't think of these as to-dos, really, because they occur all the time. So do you have a routine for laundry? I throw a load in everyday when I get out of the shower. I make my bed everyday when I get dressed. I change my sheets every Friday. I iron every Tuesday. Since I know when I do these things, I don't have to think about them. They automatically get built into my day.
The more we have routines for the routine things, the less busy we feel. You know everything will get done on its day, and you don't have to do everything all at once. The problem with not having routines is that often things get out of control, and then you try to tackle everything at once. That truly is exhausting. So, as much as possible, work routines for these routine things into your week. Then they're not a source of stress. If you want some planning charts to plan your housework, I have some free ones here.
6. Be disciplined. No one likes discipline. It's not fun. But it really does help. You know what needs to be done. You know what you should be doing. Don't work too hard. Your house doesn't need to be spotless. But when you know something needs to get done, just do it. Carve out time in your day when you will get necessary things done. Don't spend your life on a computer or in front of a screen. When we're disciplined, work doesn't have to take that much time. Discipline isn't boring; it actually lets you have more fun because you live in a more organized environment and life is not so chaotic.
So there you are. My pointers for how to have a more peaceful week. I'd love to hear yours! What makes you feel more peaceful? What makes you more organized? Let me know!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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