All over the British papers, people are debating whether Heather Mills deserves her $42 million which she has just been awarded after her divorce from Paul McCartney. She wanted more.
The judge argued she hadn't contributed that much, etc. etc.
This whole thing makes me so mad. It's wrecking the whole notion of marriage. So here's what I think.
It doesn't matter how much money each had when they came into the marriage.
It doesn't matter how much Heather contributed.
It doesn't matter whether she was a good wife, a bad wife, or an insane wife.
The point is, she was a WIFE. And that's what marriage means. When we get married, there isn't "his" and "hers". There is only "ours". And if you get divorced, you have to deal with that. You don't go back to square one and figure things out from there because square one no longer exists.
It is marriage itself that changes these financial obligations, not whatever they may have agreed to. Why are we letting the nature of marriage be negotiated and argued and debated away?
Personally, I wish they had worked it out. And in cases where one partner has an affair, I think they should pay restitution. But in general, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter who made the money. Marriage is marriage. Your stuff is yours together. That's what marriage is.
And maybe that's why more marriages don't work. They don't see themselves truly as a unit. They still see themselves as two separate individuals that are just out for their own personal happiness. No wonder marriages so often collapse.
Am I sorry for Heather Mills? Not really. I don't know her, and from everything I hear I'm not inclined to like either one of them. But I am sorry for what this whole debate is doing to the whole idea of marriage. We're making it into something that can be negotiated, and it can't. Marriage means the two are one. Full stop. End of debate.
Labels: divorce, loving, marriage