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Wifey Wednesdays: Sex is all in our heads! Really!

Here it is! The launch of Wifey Wednesdays.

Every Wednesday I'm going to give a tip on how to make our marriages great. But I'd love to hear your tips, too! So if you want to participate in Wifey Wednesdays, copy the picture above to your computer, post it in a post of your own, and then, after you've created your post, copy its URL and type it in the Mr. Linky below. Maybe we'll launch a new generation of great marriages!

For the first Wifey Wednesdsay, I'm going to start with something really basic. Men want to be wanted. They don't want to be placated.

So when it comes to intimacy, I think we women need to step up to the plate a little bit more. You may think you're meeting his needs because you're making love a few times a week, but he won't feel it as love unless you put some energy and enthusiasm into it! And that can be hard for us women.

I wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight to talk about this, but in a nutshell, here's what I think: for women, sex is in our head. We don't need it physically the way men do. So if we wait for the urge to hit us, we may be waiting a long time! But, because it is in our head, if we decide to throw ourselves into it, our bodies will likely follow!

But so often we lie there in bed, with this running conversation through our heads: "Do I want to? Does he want to? Will he be upset if we don't? Am I too tired? If we start now, what time will I actually get to sleep? How much sleep do I need tonight, anyway? But maybe I do want to and I'm just wasting time? Or do I need the sleep?"... And it goes on and on and on.

If we put a stop to that conversation and decided to jump in enthusiastically, chances are our bodies would follow, as would our husbands! I don't mean every night. But enough that you both feel connected and close.

So rest up, get the chores done, and destress your life so you have energy for him. In the end, it's amazing how much nicer your marriage will feel!

Here's a snippet of my talking about this at a recent marriage conference. Hope you enjoy! (Hint: turn the volume on your computer up before hitting play).

I know this can be a challenge if sex is physically or emotionally difficult, or if your husband is addicted to pornography and it feels degrading. I deal with all of this in my book. Let me just say that God doesn't want you to degrade yourself. And if your problems are more healing from past issues, God is big enough for that, too. Just commit yourself to not losing hope, and let your husband know you want to enjoy intimacy, too! That's the best gift you can give to both of you in your marriage.

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At 10:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

My husband and I have different schedules for everything! When I am not particularly in the mood for intimacy, I pray and ask God to change that. When I take my focus off of me and put it onto glorifying the Lord in my marriage, it works! I have never regretted it. Suddenly being with my husband becomes the only thing I'm interested in.


At 11:14 PM , Blogger Becoming Me said…

Excellent post. If I'm really not in the mood for immediate intimacy, I ask my husband for a few minutes. Then I go in our bathroom, brush my teeth, pray and do something to make me feel sexy like put on some shimmery lotion. Sometimes just taking a 3-5 minute breather goes a long way to get the romantic juices flowing and it makes my husband feel special like I took time to really prepare for him.


At 1:47 AM , Blogger Nadine said…

Great post. What women don't realize how much better sex gets with your spouse as time goes on. Love, tenderness, passion, gets better like fine wine with time.


At 1:29 PM , Blogger 24/7 MOMS said…

Than you for BLOG post..great words


At 10:51 AM , Blogger Kathleen said…

Awesome posts Ladies! I can relate to Sheila's talks on "Loosing your Wife in Bed", I am guilty of having made grocery lists, planned dinner parties and made a mental note to check the baking soda in the fridge after we are "done". After attending a marriage conference, I learned alot about myself and my husband and all the things we never really discussed before. Any way, I now have a little brain tool that brings me back to reality, I will say something out loud, be it a whispered thank you or a shouted I Love You, I am bringing the focus back to the moment and it makes my husband feel like I am connected.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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