So many movies today have everything backwards. The couple sleeps together, and then they decide if they want to be together. They start hanging out to see if they really click. In other words, the sex comes first. The relationship is built on sex.
In reality, sex is a reflection of other parts of your relationship. It isn't the base. You cannot build a relationship on sex. You need companionship, spiritual intimacy, and trust first.
So if your sex life isn't stellar, it probably isn't because of sex. It's probably a sign that there's something wrong with other parts of your relationship.
And in the same vein, if you want your sex life to improve, you should probably concentrate on other things first.
Now that's the opposite of what most advice in secular bookstores will tell you. They'll try to get you to try the latest sex toys, or the latest techniques, or whatever. Don't. That's not the point. What you need to do instead is build the other parts of your relationship. Work on your friendship, so that you feel companionable, and want to be together. Connect with each other on an emotional basis throughout the day and throughout the week. But most of all, work on your spiritual intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy and sexual intimacy are very closely linked. Often the times I feel the most amorous towards my husband are after we've prayed together. There is something about coming to God together that makes you want to really connect in other ways. And yes, I'm being serious! I know it's hard to think about God and sex in the same sentence, but He did make it and He does know what you're doing. So you don't have to be embarrassed!
Anyway, I think this has repercussions for how we handle sexual differences and difficulties. Sex is never the cause of anything; it is only the reflection of other problems. If you want to rebuild your relationship, don't focus on anything sexual. Focus instead on the spiritual.
Pray with your husband. If he doesn't want to pray with you, then at night, while you're lying in bed, put a hand on his head and whisper prayers. Read a Psalm out loud before you go to sleep. Read Song of Solomon together.
And if your problem in your marriage is that your husband seems distant to you in every way, work on your own relationship with God, too. You grow close to God, and go to Him with your very legitimate needs for sexual fulfillment and intimacy, and He will help you with those needs. And your husband will likely see the difference.
I truly believe the best thing a couple can do for their sex life is to do a Bible study together. I know it sounds insane, but I'm speaking from experience.
So what do you think? How do you build your spiritual intimacy, especially with a husband who doesn't feel like being a spiritual leader? I'd really like your insights!
Unfortunately, Mr. Linky isn't being reliable at the moment, so we'll have to leave links in the comments section. But if you want to participate in Wifey Wednesday, just write your own post on your blog, link back to here, and then come on over and write in the comments the link to your post. And then you'll build your own blog traffic!
Need more resources for your marriage? Here are some you may find helpful:
Light My Fire:
Audio download on how to enhance the romance quotient in your marriage
Labels: loving, marriage, wifey wednesdays