I was one of the 13 gazillion people who watched that video of Susan Boyle from Britain’s Got Talent off of YouTube. She blew my socks off. But she also made me a little bit sad.

Susan, by all appearances, is a wonderful person. She enjoys life in her little village. She has spunk and spirit. She likely makes people feel at ease.

And there she was, grovelling before three people who were her polar opposites. Sure they were beautiful and she wasn’t, but there was a bigger difference. The other three were shallow and just plain mean. They confessed that they were laughing at her and they wanted to hate her, but then she changed their minds.

I suppose it was big of them to admit that they had erred, but did they have to dwell so much on how awful she had seemed to them initially? And I suppose that she required their approval because she wants to be a star, but she didn’t seem sure of her performance until Amanda (“even you, Amanda?”) admitted that she was stupendous. She was amazing, but she needed them to tell her that.

I love Susan Boyle, and I hope she goes all the way on Britain’s Got Talent. But I still feel uneasy with the fact that in our society our worth is primarily based on such superficial things like whether we conform to what the popular people say we should look like, act like, and think like. Even when we are amazing, as Ms. Boyle is, we still don’t believe it until these popular people bestow their approval on us.

On another “talent show” last week a contestant took a different tact. Miss California, the runner up in the Miss USA contest, may have lost the crown because she answered honestly about her opinions on gay marriage. Perez Hilton, the homosexual judge who had asked the loaded question, admitted that he marked her low because of it.

Her answer was definitely not articulate. She was clearly thinking on the fly, aware of the ramifications of what she was saying. But in the end she stuck to her guns. Carrie Prejean said she thought marriage should be between a man and a woman. She was true to herself, even if it meant giving up the approval of those who could make her a star.

To me, this isn’t about gay marriage. It’s about people being allowed to think for themselves, dress for themselves, and be themselves, without others denigrating them for it. Sometimes when we speak our minds there are consequences, as Ms. Prejean discovered. But what would the world be like if we all tried to act like Perez Hilton?

It reminds me vaguely of high school. There we all were, trying to get the “in” people to like us, when really those kids probably weren’t worth our attention at all. As a teen, I dated many guys just because they liked me. I was so desperate to find someone to affirm me that I never really bothered to ask myself if I liked them back. In fact, I think I dated a lot of guys I didn’t like at all. What a pathetic life.

I hope I’ve grown out of most of my quest to be admired, but I know there’s still a little bit of an approval addiction in all of us. Ultimately, though, we all have to answer to ourselves, our families, and—for those of you who believe in God—our Maker. The Simon Cowells and Perez Hiltons of this world don’t matter. Maybe, if we all said that loudly enough, they’d go away and we could enjoy just being ourselves again!

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