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Wifey Wednesday--How to Show Your Hubby Love

It's Wifey Wednesday time again--the day when I share some thoughts on marriage, and hopefully you share some of your thoughts, too!
So today's question: How do you show your hubby love? And no--I'm not talking S-E-X. Although, as I say in Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, men make love to feel loved, and women need to feel loved to make love. So it really is a recipe in major frustration unless you can decide to love your spouse no matter what.

But I think in every marriage you need to find non-sexual ways of showing your spouse that you're thinking about them and you care about them. And one problem is that both spouses tend to experience love differently. Certainly there's the love language issue, but I think it goes farther than that. I love backrubs. I really do. There's nothing you can do to make me swoon more than rubbing my back, mostly because I have such horrendous posture.

But my husband, when he's thinking, likes to be left alone. So if I go over and rub his back, I'm annoying him. It's just a little thing, but we can think we're showing someone love when really we're not. So we have to figure out how our spouse interprets kindness.

One thing that we've done is made lists of 20 things the other person can do to make you feel loved. We each fill them out with these caveats: they can't be sexual, they have to be easy and quick, and they can't cost a lot of money. Examples might be: praising me in front of the kids, giving me a backrub, hugging me as soon as I'm in the door, etc.

Then we exchange lists and try to do two things on the list each day.

I know it sounds hoaky, but often our spouse doesn't know exactly what we need. Make the list, and it's more likely to get done!

The neat thing about this is that it works so well especially when you're going through a hard time. After our son died, we tried extra hard to do these things for each other, because we knew how important it was to keep the marriage together. And when we've been in the middle of a hard conflict, we've tried to keep doing these things while we sort it out, as a way of showing each other that we realize the relationship is still important, still solid, and will certainly withstand whatever we're going through.

If you're having communication issues with your husband, or not seeing eye to eye, why don't you try it? Ask him to make the list, and you make your list. It's actually fun! And then see what happens!

I would love to hear what marriage advice you have! Here's how you share it: go to your own blog and write a post about marriage, and include the "Wifey Wednesday" picture at the top of this post (just right click on it to save it to your own computer). Then find the URL address for that particular post, and come back here and enter it in the Mr. Linky below! Thanks for participating!

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At 1:15 PM , Blogger Mom2fur said…

Ooooh, I'm first! This is such a nice idea for a 'blog carnival.' I don't have too much trouble communicating with my husband, but years ago when I couldn't say what I wanted to say, I sometimes wrote him letters. That usually did the trick to turn things around!


At 6:44 PM , Blogger Org Junkie said…

Such a great idea!!


At 7:32 PM , Blogger Sandra said…

Love this Sheila :)

You know my husband and I pretty much know what the other likes and we tend to use that to show we love each other. It may be as simple as buyin ghim something for his computer, or a game he's been wanting to get or movie or something.

Lot of times, just a homecooked meal that he loves is enough for him :)


At 11:10 PM , Blogger Wifey said…

Great advice! Not only do men and women have different likes, but people in general. It's important to know your spouse's likes, so that you can make sure to do them - especially when words aren't working.


At 10:06 AM , Anonymous Susan B said…

I linked my post about blessing our husbands without saying a word to them. Blessings! Susan


At 5:17 PM , Blogger Julie said…

I LOVED this idea. I just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary. I think the thing that struck me the most about what you said is how when you are working through conflict you still do those things that show you are still loving even when your words aren't saying it.

It's easy for my husband to go silent in the midst of tense conversations. It would make a world of difference for me if he did one of those things that show me love in the midst.

I am sure it would do a world of good for him too as I showed him love in the midst.

I found your blog through Heart of the Matter.
I am a home school mom finishing my 16th year.
I loved the article you wrote at HOTM.

Have a blessed day.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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