I have just returned from a women's retreat where families of all shapes and sizes were represented. Some were girls just struggling to raise their babies. Others were struggling with their marriages. And others had withstood the struggles.
And I've been hearing on the news about the polygamous compound that was raided (thank goodness!). In England, a Muslim man was arrested for speeding as he was zipping between the homes of his two wives. And in the news in Toronto I hear of more gang violence, mostly caused by kids who are growing up without dads.
I'm not trying to be judgmental. But I wish we could express pride in marriage in the same way that people express pride in being single parents, or in being homosexual. They want to flaunt it in everyone's faces, yet we're somehow not supposed to do that, because it would be, in turn, judging them unfairly. I'm not sure how society ever thought that, but that's the position we're in.
Meanwhile, if we're honest, we would all admit that the vast majority of problems in society would be fixed immediately if people simply started getting married wisely and staying married. Heck, even if the environmentalists would be happy because divorced people use up more energy since they have two homes!
Here's an excerpt from a column I wrote on the subject a few years ago:
People who are married are happier, healthier, live longer and earn more money. (They also have more satisfying sex lives!) They suffer less depression, less substance abuse, and fewer instances of suicide. Children whose parents divorce, on the other hand, are more depressed, do worse in school, and experience more poverty and abuse. Even among upper class, white families, children whose parents divorce have a 25% chance of experiencing serious social, emotional or psychological problems twenty years down the road (double the risk of intact families), and are five times more likely, if girls, to become teenage mothers. The stress from divorce even seems to affect our bodies. Thirty-five percent of girls whose parents divorce start menstruating before age 12, compared with 18% in intact families. These kids are also twice as likely to drop out of school and to become chronic criminal offenders. Marriage matters.
Marriage does matter. And it is hard. But it is good for us, it is good for the kids, and it is even better for society. Marriage teaches you to be selfless, rather than selfish, and a society full of people who are being refined to think of others first is an immensely better one than a society where people form relationships on a whim, and discard them when they're no longer happy.
So do I sound judgmental? Perhaps I do. But marriage is better. Marriage, in fact, is best. I am proud that I waited until marriage to make love to my husband. I am proud that we are raising our daughters together. I am proud that we work at our marriage. I am proud that we encourage others to work at theirs. I am proud that my daughters are growing up understanding what sacrificial love is. I am proud that they know the meaning of commitment, and security. I am proud because I believe this legacy will continue in them.
So I am proud to be married. I wish more people were. I think, then, that our culture would be infinitely better off.
I, too am proud to be married!! Thank you for saying what you have. It seeems that honest-to-goodness FUNCTIONAL families have to apologize to the rest of the world for living a healthy life, for making the hard decisions, for paying the price. It would be nice to hear, "Well done!" every now and then...I'll be content to hear it in eternity!!
Love this post, I too am so proud to be married :)
Thanks for the tips on Prince Edward Island, I would SO SO love to visit one day...I'm just completey engrossed with the "Road to Avonlea" series, they are amazing.
I thank God daily for blessing me with parents who were committed to God and in being so committed to their marriage and that God has blessed me with a husband who shares similar beliefs and loves God.
Another great post, Sheila. I believe the epidemic of singleness, single parent homes, and divorce are the root cause of many modern problems. As goes the family, so goes society, I always say.
I too am so proud to be "married" at the same time I am proud to be lesbian, I dont think it matters what type of family a child is growing up in be it hetro or homo, as long as the child sees and knows love and respect for felow man/or woman whatever the case may be, that was a wonderful post!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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I couldn't agree more!