Last year, my Mother's Day post was pathetic. I was not in a good place. Here's part of what I said:
I think the reason that I was so into presents as a child was because I was an only child and my mother was a single mother. I knew that if I didn't get her anything, no one else would. It was my responsbility. And I felt it heavily even at 6.
But my kids don't have that same feeling. They know that Daddy and I will come through and do the shopping in the end, so they just wait to be reminded. In a way it's a good thing, because they're not taking on an adult role. But in another way, I just wish that they would think of more things for me!
Is that selfish? I hope not. I do love my kids, and they really are awesome kids. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. But I don't always enjoy Mother's Day, because we make a fuss over my mother and my mother-in-law, but rarely does anyone make a fuss over me.
This year was a little different. The girls wrote me a really long card telling me what they love about me. And you know what? That's what I really wanted. I don't need presents. I just need to know they love me and they thought of me.
I actually don't like presents very much. I know for some people presents are their love language, but to be honest, I don't want that much, and what I do want I just go buy myself. So I don't need anything.
I know the point of a present is that you're not supposed to need anything, but I hate the thought that people spent hard-earned money on something that I don't need. I would really rather take that money and give it to the Kenyan orphanage we support. They desperately need funds for all kinds of really important projects--like providing clean water to a village--and I really would get more satisfaction knowing that the $40 someone was going to spend on me went there.
But my husband will never really believe me. He thinks I'm just saying that. So he always buys me something, which I do appreciate. Really. I have the best husband in the world. I just sometimes get uncomfortable with gifts because I'm not a gifty type person.
Can anyone else relate to this? But I did have a nice Mother's Day, and I did love my girls' cards!
I totally understand. My kids are wonderful & I wouldn't trade my husband for the world, but I feel like mothers day is for my mother or mother in law, not for this mother. I know I had a bad attitude yesterday (although I didn't let my family know) but I wasn't able to get any rest, no one fixed me breakfast, and I didn't get to just spend time with my family. In fact we spent the afternoon at my in-laws, my husband spent the morning making a huge mess in my kitchen cooking for his mom, & I had to get up with my 9 month old at 4:30am. My husband was already up but he didn't want to take care of the baby, instead he was on the computer.
My daughters were wonderful however. They both made me the sweetest cards, and have me the best hug's and kisses. Like you I really don't want gifts but my husband always wants to get me something so I try to have a suggestion or 2 for him when he ask. It doesn't matter though, he's going to get what he wants to get, and it always cost more then the item I ask for. It's always something he thinks I should want or need, not do something I want or need.
As I said I was in a bad mood and I'm a brat. But really all I wanted was a peacefull day with my family and maybe a couple hours of sleep.
Cultivating an attitude of thankfulness is something i am working on. Like your last poster, I too had an expectation (not communicated btw) and started feeling negative about what wasn't perfect or didn't go as I expected on my mothers day. luckily i shook it off, prayed for god to change my outlook and was able to enjoy the remainder of the day. how different things might be if we communicated our expectations of others.
My love language is gifts, so it is super hard when "we don't have money for any gifts" but we can still get my husbands mom something, because she will be upset if you don't because it's "not honoring".
But I tend to hate any holiday etc. We either never have money for my birthday, mothers day, valentines day etc, but we ALWAYS have money for my husbands birthday, and fathers day. It's just the way our pay schedule works though.
Then, my husband will ask for a list of things I like (he always wants an overabundance so he could pick from the list and still surprise me) but in the end he buys what he wants and it's usually something I neither want or need but I have to get excited about it because it's something his mom would love!
Why can't he learn what I love instead of just assuming I'll love the same things his mom and sisters do?
My mom always told us that presents weren't necessary that she would rather just spend the day with us, or get a great card...I think that's how you really show someone you love them...not always through physical things. I'm glad you had a great Mother's Day! Jen
We were travelling on Mother's Day, so I wasn't really expecting any sort of celebration. Instead, we had breakfast together in our hotel room, then went down to the pool to swim for a bit - a treat for my aching, pregnant back! A few days earlier, my 5-year old brought home a Mother's Day card that he had worked really hard on at school, and I was happy just with that.
When we got home, my husband surprised me with another card and a box of chocolates. Then this morning, my son pulled out a green tempra-paint handprint on a poster underneath the Handprint Poem, with his name signed carefully. I was so touched, I nearly cried!
In our family, we generally do gifts at birthdays and Christmas, but not for Mothers/Fathers day, Easter, etc. Partly it is a financial decision, and partly it's about celebrating without excess consumption of "stuff." The only time I mind not getting a gift is at Christmas when there isn't a thing under the tree that I didn't shop for myself. DH knows that I'm not expecting anything fancy or extravagant, just one small thing that he picked out that he thought I might like. I don't need to be spoiled, just remembered.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
Stumble It!
I totally understand. My kids are wonderful & I wouldn't trade my husband for the world, but I feel like mothers day is for my mother or mother in law, not for this mother. I know I had a bad attitude yesterday (although I didn't let my family know) but I wasn't able to get any rest, no one fixed me breakfast, and I didn't get to just spend time with my family. In fact we spent the afternoon at my in-laws, my husband spent the morning making a huge mess in my kitchen cooking for his mom, & I had to get up with my 9 month old at 4:30am. My husband was already up but he didn't want to take care of the baby, instead he was on the computer.
My daughters were wonderful however. They both made me the sweetest cards, and have me the best hug's and kisses. Like you I really don't want gifts but my husband always wants to get me something so I try to have a suggestion or 2 for him when he ask. It doesn't matter though, he's going to get what he wants to get, and it always cost more then the item I ask for. It's always something he thinks I should want or need, not do something I want or need.
As I said I was in a bad mood and I'm a brat. But really all I wanted was a peacefull day with my family and maybe a couple hours of sleep.
Toni