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Sometimes Motherhood is Lonely
I'm having one of those lonely days.

It probably mostly stems from the fact that my husband snored last night, and I didn't want to wake him because he's been on call a lot lately and he needs his sleep, but I couldn't sleep either.

But moving to the guest bed wasn't an option because it's too cold in this house, and the really warm comforters are already on beds!

So I crawled in with my 11-year-old, who may not snore but she sure does flail. So I got no sleep.

Anyway, I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself, and I need to know that I'm not the only one! So you all have to comment on this post after I spill my guts. Deal?

Here's the thing. I have turned myself inside out for the last few months trying to create a great home for the family. Our meals have been great. I've been exercising again. I've kept up with the homeschooling. I'm really trying to invest myself in my nephew (whom we also homeschool).

And I've left my writing to "whenever I can fit it in", which is basically never, or at 7 a.m., because I'm trying to make my family my first priority.

But in the process, it seems as if people now expect that of me. The kids always have one more place they need to be chauffeured to. My extended family wants me to do various things, and seems upset if I have to speak on the weekend they wanted. Friends need me to do things.

But nobody ever asks what I'm writing these days, or what I have planned, or if they can do some stuff for me to give me some time to focus on my dreams.

My primary dream is for my family. Of course it is. But I am also called to write, and I wish that some of my family members would support that really and truly. They always say they support my writing, but they hate it when I get distracted the day before I have to leave for a speaking engagement. They don't like it if I take time at night to write when I could be doing something with them. They don't offer to pray for me, at least not on a consistent basis.

I don't need it. I really don't. I have God, and that's enough. I would just like it sometimes. Does that make me selfish? And does that make any sense?

I just feel like I give and give and all anyone ever wants is more. Because what I'm doing isn't good enough.

Now I feel guilty for writing this because it's there for everyone to see. But that's just how I'm feeling today. I'll probably be better when I get some sleep, but for now Diet Pepsi is going to have to do it. What about you? How are you doing?

To Love, Honor and Vacuum

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At 11:53 AM , Blogger Tracey said…

This too is inspiring...knowing that someone a together as you has really bad days too!'s gives all us struggling people hope! God Bless!


At 12:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

I get this way when I am tired as well. My husband is a snorer as well, and we don't have a guest bed, and two toddlers, so sleeping anywhere else is out of the question. When I am tired I am def. more irritable, then I feel guilty for being that way.

Yesterday I got so mad because I was outside raking the leaves and had to stop every five seconds to take care of the kids. I got mad that my husband doesn't want to get a leaf blower because "he" would only use it once a year. Well this year I have been the one raking the leaves not him, he just hasn't had time. I was mad that I was stuck doing this with two toddlers in tow while he was warm and toasty inside. Then I felt guilty because he hasn't been able to rake because he is working like crazy the last few weeks.

so you are not alone.



At 12:23 PM , Blogger Terry @ Breathing Grace said…

No, Sheila, you are not alone. We're all human, and we all have days when we take life and all its challenges with a shrug and a smile. And there are those days such as what you are experiencing, when it's tough to tolerate just about anything. We have those too. It'll get better. Stay encouraged.


At 3:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

I was, and still am, dealing with something very similar. I am starting to get into website design and other computer graphic type things. But I feel so guilty sometimes because it does take me away from other things. Its nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for your transparency. :)


At 3:10 PM , Blogger Phyllis@Aimless Conversation said…

Although I know that motherhood is a season, it seems to be an extended one which can be suffocating in its weariness. Without an outlet that doesn't focus on kids/school/parenting/responsibilites/etc, I truly feel as if I will wither away.

There are certainly good days and I do love my family. I take joy in serving them and enjoying them! BUT, in order to fulfill those expectations well, I must take some time to refill my soul. ...and so should you. =)


At 3:24 PM , Blogger Amy said…

I feel this way so often.

I read something yesterday that was helpful here:

"God is a clever designer of crosses. Some are as heavy as iron or lead. Others are as light as straw. He constructs impressive crosses of gold and jewels. He uses all the things we like best. In spite of their great variety, crosses have two things in common. They are hard to carry, and they crucify.
...One may be crucified while the world envies his good fortune! Prestige can be more painful than arthritis.
--Francois de Fenelon,
Meditations and Devotions"

What I loved about it was that it reminded me that it's OK when the good things (kids, dh, writing career, etc) seem crucifying. It's God sanctifying me, and it's not just me "messing up" or being "worthless" because no one seems to care.

Just knowing I need to let the cross I carry do it's job makes it somehow easier to bear. A little. :)


At 3:26 PM , Blogger Shaun and Holly said…

Yah, the thought that came to me was: Moms do need to be "filled" in order to serve their families. Know what I mean? We can't run on empty for long...We need to take care of ourselves!!


At 3:38 PM , Blogger pedalpower said…

Don't feel alone...sometimes it would just be nice if someone realized all the things we are doing and maybe appreciated it a little. I'm like you, I tell myself I only need to know that God knows what I'm up too...but of course I still think it would be nice if my family realized it too.

I think you will have to carve out time to do something for yourself...usually that's the only way it will happen. And it will make you fresher for mothering too. I know, easier said than done.


At 10:46 PM , Blogger Megan said…

Hugs and commiseration to you, Sheila. I get really depressed when I don't even get support for things I'm doing for OTHER people, much less myself. Thanks for having the courage to be so honest about the rough moments!!


At 11:19 AM , Blogger Joyce said…

I'm new to reading your blog, and want you to know that I enjoy you, and what you have to say. :)

What you are saying here is very honest, which is a good thing.

Another message I am getting (perhaps I am wrong, though) is that you feel obligated to serve your family (a true and good thing), but that they aren't really obligated to serve you and one another, though that would be nice.

Isn't it true that, as Christians, we are to submit to one another in love, serving one another, considering the other person as better than ourselves?

In addition to serving our families, part of being a mom is facilitating responsibility in our children. (You probably already know this, I'm sure.) That means that we provide learning opportunities for our children, so that they help with the family's work, and so that they lay aside selfishness to serve one another.

I think the principles taught in Love and Logic can be quite helpful with this.

Hope you get the rest, help and encouragement that you need. :)


At 11:58 AM , Blogger Jennifer said…

Huge cyber hugs from Michigan being sent your way! I have been known to climb in bed with my 9 year old when DH is snoring up a storm also and it isn't much better sleep there with her laying all over me. I pray that you get a really good night sleep and wake up feeling rested.


At 6:06 PM , Blogger momstheword said…

I've noticed that people seem to need me more when I'm having a crisis. Like when my dad passed away, or when my mom was ill and going in and out of the hospital. Someone would say "I know you just lost your dad and all and I hate to bother you but...."

I just figure it has to be God growing me in grace, because it does seem to happen alot when I'm feeling extra stressed. Somebody always needs something during those times it seems.

I'm surprised that people don't look at your writing like a job. Surely people could understand that. Once people started realizing that our homeschooling was like a job, they gave more grace. It also helped that I screened my calls and/or said "no, sorry! No time."

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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