I'm going to be brutally honest today. Some weeks I'm just not in the mood.
I'm sure you don't know what that's like, right? :)
But here's what happens. My mind gets whirring at a hundred miles an hour because I'm planning things. Especially when I go on speaking tours, as I did last weekend, I have a lot that I have to think about: what I'm going to pack; what I'm going to leave for the family to eat; what time I should leave. And when I'm back my mind is still churning: what I sold; what I need to order more of; how God worked; how I should change my talk.
Plus there's all the regular stuff I'm thinking about.
And for women, sex is all in the brain. It's the first chapter of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. We're hard wired to make love only if our brains are engaged. If our minds are otherwise occupied, our bodies aren't going to follow his to ecstasy. He can do the exact the same thing to you that had you absolutely melting one night and tonight, if you're preoccupied, the only thing going through your head will be: "when is he going to get it over with?"
Am I right?
So yesterday I realized that I had been being rather selfish with my husband for the last few days. I was away, and then when I came back I've just had so much on my mind.
He was called in to the hospital early last night, and I decided I was going to get rid of all the stuff I was thinking about. So I finished up at the computer and got in the bath and just relaxed. And I concentrated on my husband, and what I loved about him. And I refused to let myself think about all the stuff that I was trying to plan.
And by the time he came home, I was fine!
Many nights I don't need to make love. Sure, I'd love to cuddle, but I don't need it. Men do in a totally different way. And they need us to be engaged. So lying there while you're thinking about what colour you should paint your bedroom ain't going to cut it.
If you've been distracted lately, that's okay. It happens to all of us. But you need a decompression chamber so that at night, you can let it all go. If we go through our day with that attitude--that at night, I'm going to put all this behind me, so I can be there for my husband--our marriages will totally change.
Instead, what often happens is the evening approaches and he wants to get romantic. And we become resentful because he doesn't understand all that we're concerned about. He doesn't realize all that is going through our heads. But you see, if it were him, sex would be a great way to deal with all those worries! They don't understand how we work. But not only that, he doesn't understand why we don't get him. We're mad because he's not thinking of us, but we don't realize that we're doing the exact same thing. We're focusing on ourselves rather than our husbands.
So where is your decompression chamber going to be? The bathtub? The scrapbooking table? A pair of knitting needles? A cup of tea? A Bible? How are you going to put your cares behind you? Find a way, make it purposeful, and watch what happens!
Labels: honey I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, intimacy, loving, marriage, wifey wednesdays