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Wifey Wednesday: Getting into a Frisky Frame of Mind

I'm going to be brutally honest today. Some weeks I'm just not in the mood.


I'm sure you don't know what that's like, right? :)

But here's what happens. My mind gets whirring at a hundred miles an hour because I'm planning things. Especially when I go on speaking tours, as I did last weekend, I have a lot that I have to think about: what I'm going to pack; what I'm going to leave for the family to eat; what time I should leave. And when I'm back my mind is still churning: what I sold; what I need to order more of; how God worked; how I should change my talk.

Plus there's all the regular stuff I'm thinking about.

And for women, sex is all in the brain. It's the first chapter of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. We're hard wired to make love only if our brains are engaged. If our minds are otherwise occupied, our bodies aren't going to follow his to ecstasy. He can do the exact the same thing to you that had you absolutely melting one night and tonight, if you're preoccupied, the only thing going through your head will be: "when is he going to get it over with?"

Am I right?

So yesterday I realized that I had been being rather selfish with my husband for the last few days. I was away, and then when I came back I've just had so much on my mind.

He was called in to the hospital early last night, and I decided I was going to get rid of all the stuff I was thinking about. So I finished up at the computer and got in the bath and just relaxed. And I concentrated on my husband, and what I loved about him. And I refused to let myself think about all the stuff that I was trying to plan.

And by the time he came home, I was fine!

Many nights I don't need to make love. Sure, I'd love to cuddle, but I don't need it. Men do in a totally different way. And they need us to be engaged. So lying there while you're thinking about what colour you should paint your bedroom ain't going to cut it.

If you've been distracted lately, that's okay. It happens to all of us. But you need a decompression chamber so that at night, you can let it all go. If we go through our day with that attitude--that at night, I'm going to put all this behind me, so I can be there for my husband--our marriages will totally change.

Instead, what often happens is the evening approaches and he wants to get romantic. And we become resentful because he doesn't understand all that we're concerned about. He doesn't realize all that is going through our heads. But you see, if it were him, sex would be a great way to deal with all those worries! They don't understand how we work. But not only that, he doesn't understand why we don't get him. We're mad because he's not thinking of us, but we don't realize that we're doing the exact same thing. We're focusing on ourselves rather than our husbands.

So where is your decompression chamber going to be? The bathtub? The scrapbooking table? A pair of knitting needles? A cup of tea? A Bible? How are you going to put your cares behind you? Find a way, make it purposeful, and watch what happens!

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At 10:10 AM , Blogger Dena @ Green Acres said…

I recently ordered your book and I'm so glad I did (and I can't wait for it to arrive). Turning off that switch in my brain is the hardest problem I have. I have a really hard time getting myself to stop thinking about "stuff" and concentrating on what's most important.


At 2:24 PM , Blogger Megan said…

I may order your book for my husband's birthday that's coming up. I think he might appreciate it more than another coffee mug (that he'll lose anyway).

I downloaded the $2 podcast last week, and enjoyed it immensely. Just yesterday I explained to my husband that when he "shows interest" the second I close the door on our little one's nursery for her nap, the reason I'm not interested is because I haven't yet had even 5 minutes for myself, while he's had the last couple of hours to check e-mail and sports articles. It helped him understand that my resistance has nothing to do with him, personally. We're working together to help me feel more...energized. :-)


At 9:40 PM , Blogger BarbaraLee said…

I know I have been relaxing and setting myself up for time w/dh but if it is a day or two before my monthly nothing is going to work. So sometimes it just isn't going to work. Otherwise I have been enjoying my hubby.


At 6:24 PM , Blogger Mrs. Querido said…

I don't have a decompression chamber and that might be the! Although, I do think that relaxing in the tub sounds heavenly. As long as I am not in there thinking about when the last time I scrubbed the tub was! So perhaps my Bible is a safer decompression to do lists there! Plus, it energizes my soul and my body will follow :)

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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