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Really, Really Crappy Parenting Advice
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Friday, July 10, 2009
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There is a lot of garbage out there masquerading as parenting advice that sounds really profound but if you actually do it you will end up with Dennis the Menace. Here's one:
"Kids naturally WANT to behave. Nurturing their goodness and guiding their behavior is the best way to help empower kids to make the right choices on their own."
I got it from here. It's a parenting site delivering all kinds of "wisdom" on positive parenting techniques. But most of it looks pretty stupid to me.
Interestingly, just after that I went on a blog of a mom who gets it. She says we need to "overthrow the kindergarchy", because kids are taking control.
When did the children take over? Did they sneak into my purse while I was watching "All My Children" and lift the car keys? Did I unknowingly sign over my power of attorney thinking I was ordering a school t-shirt?
I don't think I'm the only one who's troubled by the mounting evidence that there's been a power shift in our society from the grown-ups to the children. In fact, enough people have registered this shift that it now has its own pop-culture handle, as defined by WordSpy:
Kindergarchy n. Rule or domination by children; the belief that children's needs and preferences take precedence over those of their parents or other adults.
She goes on to list how Kindergarchy is taking on a role of its own, growing in our vocabulary because people are starting to notice that kids are taking their parents hostage.
These two things are related.
Kids take us hostage because too many parents and "experts" believe that top quote: kids naturally want to be good. So instead of disciplining them, we negotiate, cajole, and let things go. We don't set limits, because we no longer believe in our own authority.
And then we wonder where these monsters came from.
The truth is that children need those limits. If kids don't have them, they're going to feel very insecure in life. They'll push and push and push because they're trying to come up against a limit. It's like they're a ping pong game, and they'll keep bouncing until they hit a wall. But if there are no walls, they'll just run and run.
Walls are what define our children's lives for them. When they know where those boundaries are, the world is easier to figure out. It's easier to navigate. And when it's easier, then they're free to explore, to learn, to be creative, to love. If they don't know where those walls are, then they spend their lives trying to find them rather than trying to grow.
And that's why they become monsters. They don't have the emotional stability to let them mature and learn to treat others properly.
Boundaries are a natural part of life. The very first thing God did when He made people was He gave them boundaries. He created a garden for them to live in, and He made rules of what they were to do there. When they crossed that line, He expelled them from the garden, and created more boundaries about where they were to live and how they were to live.
Boundaries are important, and we're not stunting children's spirits or creativity if we give them boundaries. On the contrary, if those boundaries are loving, we're actually helping them be creative, because we're putting one of their big worries to rest. We define the world for them, so they don't have to worry about it.
Kids don't naturally want to obey. They naturally want to test the limits, just like Adam and Eve did. We need to show them that the limit is the limit. It's only then that they learn what the world is about, and that they develop the maturity to live well in it.
So don't be afraid to say no to your child. Don't be afraid to set up a schedule. Don't believe the child-centred parenting experts. Kids have no maturity. They have no wisdom. Why would we let them run their lives? We do know what's best for them, so let's enforce that rule, rather than letting children decide. They're kids, after all. That's the whole point. I wonder when experts starting forgetting that?
Labels: discipline, parenting |
posted @ 8:00 AM
 
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Agree....children have a sinful nature just like adults...and we are there to show them a better way.