I don't know if it's just their ages, but I have found that my daughters are becoming more negative. It may be hormonal, but I'm not putting up with it. I hate the negative tone that our house sometimes gets.
But I couldn't find anything that would really help, and I didn't want to just get angry (see my Wifey Wednesdays post for that!). So I came up with an idea that's working really well.
I divided up the things that the children do and receive in this house into rights and privileges. So for instance, meals are a right. Desserts are a privilege. Youth group and church are rights; computer time is a privilege.
And the privileges can all be taken away! I don't see why I should have to go out of my way to make them happy when they are not obeying me. So I have made an elaborate chart so that they have to earn points to get their privileges. And the best part is that points can be taken away for acting negatively.
Here are the privileges:
1 Hour TV
1 Hour Internet
Visiting with Friends
Ice Cream Out
Lunch Out
Dinner Out
Field Trips
Room Decorating
Pick What Mommy Makes
Desserts
And here are the points:
Morning Routine (1)
Dishes/Dishwasher a.m. (1)
Dishes/Dishwasher p.m. (3)
Make your lunch day (3)
Do your school a.m. (2)
Do your school p.m. (2)
Good attitude throughout day (5)
Getting along (5)
Random act of kindness (3)
Good attitude with piano (4)
Praise Sister (2)
Here are the penalties:
Bad Attitude (-2)
Fighting (-1)
Fight where you were the problem (-5)
Trying to do minimum (-4)
Teasing (-3)
Insulting sister in front of others (-2)
The points are for one day, and they aren't transferable. So at the end of the day we have a total. The next day we start all over again, so that we can figure out what they earn for several days running. We keep the points sheets on the fridge for reference, and then in a binder with our homeschooling stuff with me for the rest of the day while I reward them (or penalize them!).
I haven't written down the costs for the privileges, but for instance for Dinner Out they have to have no penalties greater than -5 for a whole week, and to pick what I make for dinner they have to have 25 points in one day. You can assign whatever you want.
This may seem rather complex (my family works with complex), but you can do the same thing and make it easier to figure out. The kids now enjoy keeping track of their points, and they're always trying to do random acts of kindness and praising their sister so that they get extra points. They've caught on.
I think this only works with older children, but I know that it has transformed my house!
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This has got to be the greatest idea ever! Now I wish my stepdaughter could read--we could really use a system like this right about now!
Thanks for sharing; I may have to implement this one later on!