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Wifey Wednesday: Breaking Patterns

I spoke this weekend at a retreat just west of Ottawa. We were in the middle of nowhere, and it was quite breathtaking. And the weather was lovely. I really needed that time away from my daily life. I had been preparing for quite a while the talks that I was to give, but they were new to me. Yet I think because they had been so much on my mind for the last few weeks they just flowed perhaps easier than when I repeat talks I've already done!

Anyway, my text was the book of Ruth, though I talked more about themes than dissecting every verse. But to me one of the big themes is Ruth leaving behind an extremely dysfunctional and violent culture (Moab) and doing a 180 degree turn in her life, so that she left a great legacy (King David was her great-grandson).

So we talked about what it takes to do such a 180 in our own lives, and to break some of these negative patterns that we inherit from both our culture and our family.

I don't know where I got it from, but I am an angry person. I didn't grow up in an angry household, but I lose my temper quite easily, and I let other people rile me up. I'm not proud of this; it's simply a fact.

My husband is also very angry, though God has done incredible things in his life so that he's not nearly as angry as he was when he was a teenager.

But now we're raising two daughters who can also lose their cools quite frequently. I don't know where they get it from :).

This is not something I'm happy about, or something that I want to put up with. I want it to stop with me. And so while I was in the middle of nowhere this weekend, talking about breaking patterns, I spent quite a while praying and thinking about my own.

I let myself get annoyed by my husband way too much. We have a great relationship, but there's always room for improvement, and this is one of the areas where we there's a lot of room for growth. I think, somewhere inside my head, I believe that Keith's job on this earth is to make my life easier. And when he fails to do that, I get annoyed.

Because it's all about me, you see.

That's the root of my anger: the fact that it is all about me. It's basic selfishness. What if, instead, the reason Keith is put on this earth is to help me become more holy? What if, by loving him, I am going to grow?

That's really the point of marriage, isn't it?

We don't have a hard time loving our children. It's natural. We know they need us, and we don't resent them for that. In fact, we rather like being needed. But if our husbands need anything, it shows that their weak, selfish, or just plain wrong. And that's what's got to stop.

Why can't we love our husbands as much as we love our children? We may feel love to our husbands, but do we act it? Do we show them grace when they do little things that bug us, or do we snap back at them? Do we encourage them, or do we correct them?

I want to start encouraging and honoring my husband just by showing how grateful I am that he is here. But I can't do that alone. I need God's help, and that's the focus of my prayer life right now. If I can stop sniping at my husband, then I think much of the anger in our household will be diminished.

So what about you? Do you show grace to your husband, or do you snap, too? Do you let yourself become annoyed too easily? Why not pray for the grace to let little things go. After all, God lets so much go with us. Why not pass it along?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on marriage! To participate, just copy the picture at the top of this post and post it on your blog. Write something about marriage, and then come back here and enter the URL of your post in the Mr. Linky. And we'll visit you!

If you need to revive the romance in your marriage, Sheila and Keith's talk Light My Fire is a great start! Download it here, or purchase the CD!

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At 8:48 PM , Blogger Cassandra @ Tripping Around The Sun said…

Oh my goodness this is where I am. I so needed to read this. I appreciate your honesty and openess. I will be back to read some more for sure and add you to my blogroll. :)

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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