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When Sleeping Together Drives You Apart...

I love my husband. I really do. He's my best friend.

We even sleep in a double bed because I like to curl up right beside him. No queen or king size for us! Last time we went to buy bedroom furniture they guy at the store commented, "wow, you must really like each other." And we do.

But I don't like it when he snores. Now I snore too, sometimes, but he can sleep through snoring. I can't.

It used to be a lot worse before he lost some weight, but now, when he's overtired, he can snore a lot, and then I can't sleep.

So last night I bailed and slept in the guest room until 3:00, and then snuck back into our room and spent the rest of the night there. I really don't like the guest room very much.

I wish I could sleep with snoring, but I can't. I am just never going to get used to it. I can't sleep in dormitory settings with a whole bunch of women, either, because someone inevitably will be snoring. When I've been in those places I just haven't slept, even if it's been for a week. It is terrible.

So I suppose I should be grateful we have a guest room. But I'm still tired this morning!

Here's the intro to an article for Marriage Partnership I wrote on this subject a couple of years ago:

Heather threw off the covers in frustration and propelled herself out of bed. For the last 45 minutes she had repeatedly shoved her husband, Rick, to roll him over and stop his snoring. Her efforts had met with temporary success, but as soon as she would fall asleep again, his snoring would wake her. In defeat, she grabbed her pillow, yanked the blanket off of Rick with a smug smile, and trudged bleary-eyed downstairs to begin another night on the couch.

When we marry, we dream of contentedly drifting off in each others’ arms. Yet
numerous culprits conspire to rob us of this bliss. Snoring is by far the most
common, affecting close to 30% of all marriages. Other people flail their legs in their sleep, leaving their beloveds black and blue. Still others work staggered hours, or are repeatedly paged throughout the night. And then there are the little ones, flailers extraordinaire, whom one parent, much to the chagrin of the other, may insist share the bed. Few things disturb sleep more than the presence of a two-year-old.

Every night, for countless couples like Heather and Rick, the sleep wars begin anew. Yet unlike traditional marriage conflicts, one side of this war often doesn’t even realize the battle is waging. Oblivious to the havoc they’re causing, they doze peacefully as their spouses fume.

You can read the rest here. And I hope you got more sleep than I did!

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At 8:44 AM , Blogger Heather said…


In our family it is the opposite problem. I am the one who snores, so I end up sleeping in our guest room, which happens to be my old bed when I was single. I feel terrible that I keep him up. However, we have found that when he wears ear plugs at night that it does make a difference. The big rub now is that I am used to sleeping on my softer bed in the guest room and sleeping in our bed is so uncomfortable! I toss and turn and that too wakes him up! I just can't win! We are hoping to get a new bed one of these days, hopefully a sleep number variety so that we can both be comfortable. I have also heard from a friend that the product called "Snore Stop" really works. I bought some, but can't use it until I am finished nursing I discovered.

And I am sure you realize that your poor hubby really can't help it. It actually stresses me out that my hubby is such a light sleeper and I think it makes me more restless knowing I can't really move or whatever thinking it will wake him up.
Here's too sleeping together peacefully!!


At 9:27 AM , Blogger Sheila said…

I totally know he doesn't mean it!
Poor guy. He feels really guilty, and I don't want him to.

I really feel like it's mostly my problem--if only I weren't such a light sleeper things wouldn't bother me and we could do a lot more things, like help on youth retreats. Instead, I just don't sleep so I get grumpy so I don't go.

I wish it could be different.

I do wear the ear plugs. I got used to them in university and now it's hard to sleep without them!


At 10:40 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

DH and I haven't slept in the same bed in several years. I think if we both lost about 20 pounds each it would improve things greatly, but for the sake of our relationship and the necessary sleep for both of us, we chose to sleep separately.


At 11:00 AM , Anonymous Amanda said…

Oh, do I understand the snoring issue. LOL My husband actually has sleep apnea and sleeps with a c-pap machine. Now instead of sleeping with a snorer, I sleep with Darth Vader. :D



At 6:06 PM , Blogger Becoming Me said…

My husband had back surgery in Feb. and is still recovering...he also has jumpy legs in the middle of the neither one of us are sleeping well these days


At 1:42 AM , Blogger Jai said…

I am afraid I didn't! This is an ongoing issue in my home and bedroom!


At 8:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

Help!!! I didn't see you in our house when writing this!!!!

I have had such back pain for years. Since going to Physical therapy in the pool for 4 months now I have gotten some relief and have slept the best in the last couple of months. So...pain, can keep you from a deep sleep I think and keep you on that sleepy train!

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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