It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!
Last week I posted a question on my Facebook page: Do you struggle with praying with your husband?
Had a whole lot of comments, because this is obviously a deeply emotional subject for many women. So I thought it would make a great Wifey Wednesday post!
First, let me say that prayer is incredibly intimate and incredibly important. I've never completely understood prayer, even though I've studied it a ton. I have prayed for a lot of very important things in my life (including my son to be spared death) that God did not choose to answer the way I wanted. So I have struggled with the question: does prayer do any good?
And yet I know that prayer changes me, and that when I pray, I just feel better. I see things happening.
When we pray with another person, there's even more power, and I think there's a deep joining of the spirits. It's a lovely, intimate experience, whether it's praying with your children or your husband or a friend.
Nevertheless, many of us struggle with it because we struggle with praying out loud in the first place. We feel awkward, and so it's awkward to pray with our husbands. Even if we want to, and even if we know it would help our relationship, we're reluctant to push it because it's easier to live in the status quo and not have to face our own insecurities.
Or perhaps we don't push it because we're afraid he'll say no! Some of us aren't married to men that are strong Christians, and even though we may want to pray with them, it seems as if that's not going to happen.
Here, then, are some thoughts on how you can bring prayer more into your couple life:
1. Start with reading Scripture. If prayer is a stretch, try reading a Psalm together at night. Most of them are phrased as prayers anyway, and after reading it, you could always choose one verse to read out loud again as a prayer. That's not as intimidating, and as you get more comfortable with that, you'll likely be able to lead up to something more!
2. Ask if he would mind if you prayed about something specific. Saying "can we pray together" is more intimidating than, "can we take a moment and pray about Johnny's bullying situation at school?" The former sounds like anything from "I want to pray for two hours on my knees with you" to "I want to pray that our marriage will completely turn around." He may not know what to make of it. Start with something specific, with boundaries around the request, and he may be more likely to say yes.
3. If he's uncomfortable praying out loud, then when you pray out loud, don't be too flowery. Just be honest before God. You don't need to embellish or try to fill in a lot of time to make up for what your husband isn't doing. Try to be on the same level; if he's more comfortable with just a few sentences, then utter just a few sentences yourself. That way it doesn't seem as if this is something that you are primarily doing and he is along for the ride; it's something that you do together. And remember: there's nothing wrong with praying a few sentences out loud together, and then praying silently together.
4. Touch when you pray. My husband and I have made it a habit to hold hands every time we pray together, whether it's at night or for grace before meals. Prayer is a time for us to touch and focus in unison on God. It makes prayer more intimate, and it draws you together!
5. Pick a consistent time to pray. If you pray every night over the baby's crib, for instance, or every night in bed together, then you're more likely to keep doing it! You can always pray at other times of the day, too, but trying to develop habits makes it more likely to keep going!
6. Buy a book of prayers. I know my ultra-evangelical friends will be turned off by this, but hear me out. For a time our family attended an Anglican church, and the prayers in the prayer book really are beautiful. We left that church when we moved and go to a more traditional evangelical one now, but both Keith and I miss the depth of the prayers. Keith has bought a few books of prayers, and every now and then leads the family in them, especially when we're on holidays together.
There's nothing wrong with a written prayer, as long as your heart is in agreement. You may prefer that prayer be spontaneous, but if people are more comfortable reading it, is that really so bad? If your both feeling so awkward that you can't pray out loud together, then think about the option of buying a book of prayers, or using an Anglican/Episcopalian prayer book. They really do have lovely prayers!
Another option is to buy a book of devotions that you and your husband can do together. These usually have great discussion starters, and often include some prayer points that make prayer easier. Look for these at any Christian bookstore.
UPDATE: I'm getting comments by people who usually don't pray with their spouse, so I'm wondering...do most of us? Or is this a challenge for many couples? Can you take my poll and tell me! Thanks!
Now, what about you? Do you have any suggestions on how you can encourage more prayer in your marriage? Let me know in the comments, or write a post of your own and then link up!
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We don't generally pray together, but hubby will ask ME to pray when he has a problem... the other day the wheels on the semi trailer were frozen and he'd spent about 3 hrs. trying to get them unglued. Finally he called me and said he was about ready to give up and come home for dinner and forget the work for the day. I said surely if he had gotten 5 of the 6 "unstuck" that he could get the last one working and John replied, "That depends on how much praying you do!"
And so after we hung up, I called over my 11 yr old son and got him to pray with me. And then we phoned my parents and asked them to pray.
Suddenly the phone rang and John said he'd gotten the rig rolling! I just laughed and said maybe he should have tried PRAYING 3 hours earlier!
This is a great post! I have personally found that prayer as a couple is very important and have addressed this in my blog. Thanks for the topic! http://kristinemcguire.com/?p=5501
I am still new to praying with anyone else, however my children and I take turns praying before a meal now and the other morning I asked my sig. other to pray with me (I'm trying to quit smoking) and we both enjoyed praying together so much we are making it a daily thing we do. He lives 2 hours away so most days it will be via phone before he goes to work and I get the kids up but I am already feeling the joy from doing this!
Hi ladies! Thanks for your comments. Tami & Artsy & Alisdair: this is really interesting that prayer is still a relatively new thing as a couple--but glad you're thinking about it/trying it! I think I should put up a poll and find out how many people do pray together as couples....
And Kristine, thanks for that post! I might put the link in my Wifey Wednesday links...
Good things to think about. We have prayed together but not very often. Well, we always pray at meals, but that's just one of us or one of the kids. As a couple, it seems to be when there's an urgent matter at hand. This is a great reminder to be pro-active about praying together more. Thanks Sheila!
So the poll's been open for a while, and the results are interesting.
But it occurs to me that perhaps I'm missing an important element. So here's a question for those of you who don't pray with your husbands often: do you see this as a problem? Maybe I'm assuming everybody sees it as a problem, and you don't! Let me know, and take the poll! Thanks!
I did broach the topic once and felt pretty vulnerable doing it. I think he felt awkward too and we never did. I've never prayed out loud with people, so it would be pretty different. I pray outloud when it's just me, so Im working up to it again. You had some really good ideas and I think we'll work up to it by easing into it, thanks for the great ideas!
My husband and I pray together as he is about to walk out the door in the morning. I hug him while I am praying. He asks me to say the prayer. He prays with the whole family right before that in our living room. Lately, our 3 y.o. ds wants to join in, he wants momma to hold him during it and sometimes even our 7 y.o. dd joins in too.
A lot of times when we are about to take a trip in the van we pray too. On the night that we were going to the hospital for our baby to be born, I asked that we could pray, so we did. I was so thankful that we did, because we had an accident on the way, we hit a deer. Thankfully, everyone was fine and we named our baby Elijah (which means the Lord is God) because he kept us and him safe. He was born in the ambulance on the way. Infact, our little one just had his 1st birthday on Halloween.
Don't let pray make you nervous. Just say a short prayer or ask him too. Mine is usually short and about the same. I ask God to keep him safe, to give him wisdom throughout the day and to keep the kids and I safe at home and to help me be a nice Momma.
I'll echo your recommendation to use a collection of prayers if your husband is uncomfortable with praying extemporaneously aloud. We have a book of about 30 evening prayers that my husband chooses from each night and another collection that I made for other occasions. It does feel mechanical sometimes, but without it, I know that we wouldn't be praying together at all. After two years, he is even talking about writing a few of his own to include.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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My hubby and I don't pray together. I'd love to, but the thought of it makes me nervous.
Thanks for sharing!