It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up! Today I'm a little pressed for time, so I'm going to reprint one of my favourite columns on marriage here. Hope you enjoy it!
In my marriage, I wreck the cars. Keith wrecks the laundry, but that doesn't cost nearly as much.
Of course, Keith recently backed into a tree and shattered our van's windshield, but since this was his one and only infraction in our whole marriage, we viewed it as an aberration rather than a pattern.
Then, when he went to buy a new car this fall, he bought a standard. I can't drive a standard. So I can't drive his car. I'm still trying to figure out if there's some hidden meaning there.
Keith and I have other differences, too. Keith has the "all the lights in the house must be turned off if not needed" gene. I'm missing that one.
His idea of a relaxing afternoon is to do absolutely nothing. I like taking energetic bike rides. He likes war movies. I like Jane Austen. We're a strange pair.
And yet, what most often occurs to me is how alike we've become.
I tend to be on the shy side. Today I make my living speaking at women's events and retreats, often in front of large groups, which doesn't bother me the least. But parties, where I have to talk one-on-one are uncomfortable. It's not natural for me.
It's not natural for Keith, on the other hand, to be quiet. And as we've been married, he's taken me to so many parties that I've begun to open up. But he's also started to quiet down. Had we not married, he might have been even more gregarious, and I may have become more introspective.
Or take food. I crave sweets, but not fat or salt.
Keith, on the other hand, once drank a cup of bacon grease because someone dared him. If Keith hadn't married me, he'd likely be a lot heavier than he is right now. And I'd probably still never know how wonderful real butter makes everything taste.
Over the last I 6 years we have changed. I am not the same person who walked down that aisle, and he isn't the same one who was waiting for me, I loved him dearly then, but I love him much more deeply now. Just by being together, we change each other.
And isn't that how it should be? Think about it this way: marriage is supposed to reflect Christ's relationship with us. As Christians, when we walk with Christ we'll become more like Him. So that might happen in our marriages, too. As we walk together, we start to reflect one another. And I think that's a beautiful thing!
But it should also be a warning to those thinking there's that one perfect person out there – that one person that God made especially for you. I don't think that's the Christian view of marriage. Rather, it's God's wish that a husband and wife would grow to adapt to one another. God made men and women differently — yet made them to complement one another. Husbands may never find the laundry hamper and wives may never appreciate the importance of "the game's on," but they can both adjust to each other and learn to value those differences.
That's why I don't think marriage is a matter of finding the perfect person as much as it is becoming the perfect couple. And the more time you spend together, the more you just might find that you're made for each other after all.
Now, what advice do you have for us today? Have you grown together over the years? Or do you have something else to tell us? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!
Great post and I so agree. I often say love is more of a choice than a chance meeting. There is no one perfect person...just two people willing to grow together.
YES!!! This is so true. The first few years of our marriage were the hardest -- there was so much we did not have in common. But we were both committed, and both Christian, (plus we liked each other lol!) so the most important things were there. 23 years in, things are good!
I always say that people change after marriage. I know that I did and it was for the better! My husband was the "rules are meant to be broken" and I was the "rules are there for a reason" type of girl. We've both expanded our personalities so much and it's been incredible to "grow up" together. Another benefit to getting married young is that we BOTH has learning and growing to do and were/are open enough to do it. After only 6 years it's amazing how much closer we are (I even play video games with him!) and I'm always excited to know how much more that growth will affect us in the future. Bring on the next 50 years! :)
wow--as shameful as it is to admit, i was just having one of those "if I had married *that* person instead of my husband, life would be so much easier. Needed to read this truth. Thanks for putting things in perspective Sheila!
I enjoyed this post. It really connected with me when you said it's not so much about finding the perfect person as it is becoming the perfect couple. I've never thought of it that way before, but that is true.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
Stumble It!
I thinks that marriage is a great way to experience new thing!
I learn so much from my husband he from me I'm sure but be do belong together and work better as a team!
Blessing
Renee