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Wifey Wednesday: The Honeymoon

It's time for Wifey Wednesday, when I put up a post about marriage, and then you put up one of your own and add your link! That way we can all participate in the conversation!

I've just returned from my "second honeymoon". We've been married for 18 years, and this year, while the kids were at a two week stint at camp, we decided to go away just the two of us. We haven't really been away alone since our honeymoon, except when we're speaking at marriage conferences, but that hardly counts because we're working. We've done weekends, but nothing longer than that. So this was a big treat! Of course, we did see the kids in the middle of the week for visitors' day, but I needed my kid fix anyway so that worked out fine.

This honeymoon was WAAAAY better than the first. After our wedding, we paid big bucks to go down to a resort in the Poconos. I had these dreams of an amazing trip, and we took it. But was it really amazing? I'm not sure. There was so much pressure to make it an amazing trip, and we were still getting adjusted to everything (and each other).

Also, it's kind of hard to go to a posh resort when you're in your early 20s. It doesn't feel right, and you're always nervous that you're doing something wrong. In your late 30s it's totally different. At the Poconos lodge, they had four course meals all the time (what fork do you use?!?), people to put napkins on your lap (feels weird in your 20s), and set seating for the entertainment at night. For the comedy night, we were ushered to seats in the back, likely because we weren't "preferred guests". Seats were still available in the front at this point. And when you're 21, you put up with it, but it was weird. The good thing was that the resort had lots to do: tennis, skating, dancing, etc. But in retrospect I think it was just too much.

And, to be honest, the sex is a lot better when you've had 18 years of practice.

After our initial honeymoon, we came back to our apartment and just stayed holed up for a week, not telling anyone we were home. We played games and rented classic movies and just had a grand old time. That felt more like a vacation, in some ways, than the honeymoon did.

This trip that we just took was amazing, and as much as I'm going to miss the girls during the empty nest years (and I'm dreading those years a lot already), I know we'll be okay. It reminds me that we do have to make an effort to get away more often. But I think it was also better because we had been married for longer.

So, if I were to give newlyweds honeymoon advice, (assuming money is tight, as it usually is), I think I would say this:

1. Take a weekend in a nice place.

2. Spend a lot of time just getting to know each other at home, without having to go to work. Keep the video games off (or else play together). Go for lots of walks. Work out. Do something active.

3. If you do go away, remember that you can't have sex all the time. Honestly. Make sure there's something else to do, like sports, or hikes, or games.

4. Consider doing the big honeymoon trip on your first or even fifth anniversary, rather than right after the wedding. You'll likely have more fun, and you'll enjoy the place better!

5. Remember that right after the wedding, the fun part is getting to know each other. You don't necessarily need to spend a lot of money to do that. I'd recommend spending the money when you're more comfortable with each other and things aren't so new.

Of course, all of this is assuming the couple has not been living together prior to the wedding, and honestly are "getting to know each other". I know that's not the case with very many right now, but that would be my advice.

Now, feel free to disagree, but what is your take? What would you do about this big honeymoon trip? What did you do? What do you wish you'd done differently? Leave a comment, or write your own blog post and link up with the Mr. Linky!

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At 10:42 AM , Blogger Miss. Candy said…

I am glad you had such a great time!! I really enjoy reading your posts!!


At 11:44 AM , Blogger Marian said…

I agree with you. A second, or third or fourth honeymoon is sure to be better than the first.


At 11:56 AM , Blogger The Happy Domestic said…

I'm so glad you enjoyed your "couple" time away together.

My hubby and I make a point to take a honeymoon every year on our anniversary - whether it's just a weekend road trip or a big vacation depends on finances, the point is to have the time alone together. We also set aside a date night every week. Our kids are very young still, so it does require some effort on our part to make it happen, but we think the best thing we can do for our kids is make the investment in our marriage. Plus, setting these habits EARLY ON (started when we were married 4 years ago) makes it easier to keep them as our family gets bigger.

Our first honeymoon was spectacular though - a whirlwind tour of western Canada, punctuated by a week holed up in a secluded cottage on the Sunshine Coast. And I dunno about other people, but I had no problem with having sex all the time... ;) Anyway, it was a memorable time.


At 12:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

I agree with you. We went to the Mall of America for our first honeymoon because my husband only had four days off. (he just started a new job) It was a nice time to just relax with each other and no pressure to get out of the hotel room. ;-)

And I know exactly what you mean about being young and getting seated in the back. Completely understand. They'd see our shiny 20 year old faces and immediately assume we weren't worth the time. Big mistake though...we are big tippers. :)

Last year for our 15th anniversary we did the resort thing in Puerto Rico. Wow it was soooo nice! I really don't think we would have enjoyed it the same way for the first honeymoon. It was so nice to relax on the beach with my best friend. To share long walks, yummy shrimp dinners and knowing looks across the that relationship didn't exist 15 years before. It just made it so much more special.


At 1:07 PM , Blogger Kate :-) said…

I remember feeling a lot of pressure about having "the best honeymoon ever". It was nice, but I was so young, nervous and homesick.

We went camping later that year and I enjoyed that so much more than our honeymoon.


At 2:03 PM , Blogger LauraLee Shaw said…

What great advice for new married couples! SO glad you had a great time. We're trying to plan our 20th for March...I know it will be better than the 1st one. OUr 15th will be hard to beat, tho, as we had a WONderful bonding and fun time in Maui.


At 2:34 PM , Blogger Berji's domain said…

While we didn't live together before we were married, we had known each other for 7 years already (and had dated for 3) so we didn't have a lot of that "getting to know you" stuff to deal with. We had a fun honeymoon- we went to the Bahamas (warmer than where we got married in January!) and took time to snorkel, sight-see and explore as much as our budget allowed. My parents actually deserve the credit for advising us to "do something" for our honeymoon, rather than assume all you'll be doing is laying in bed. We took their advice and had a fun time.


At 11:10 AM , Anonymous Jen @ After The Alter said…

I may have to disagree with you on this one. My husband and I decided that we wanted to take a big honeymoon and we did. We went to Greece. It was the best thing we ever did. I am anti credit card but we put the entire expensive trip on the credit card, and it was totally worth it. We paid it off in a year and I wouldnt' trade any part of it in. You never know what is going to happen in sooner than expected, loss of a job...if you don't do it then you may lose out on the chance. I think it's very important to take that time after your wedding. It was the best thing we ever did.

Ps...I'm glad you had such a great time!


At 10:17 AM , Blogger Bobble said…

Our honeymoon was 12 years ago and we had only known each other for less than 9 months, so there was still a lot of "getting to know each other". We went to Maine and just drove around and stayed wherever we ended up. It was NOT the best choice for us; we were exhausted from the wedding and needed to RELAX.

We try to get away for a day or two every year on or near our anniversary and have had lots of fun and memorable times then. Sometimes we go camping overnight, to a concert and B&B, or dinner and a hike in another town.

We're planning a big trip for a future anniversary though.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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