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Shhhh. You Shouldn't Talk About THAT!
Okay, my lovely readers. You are all a very funny group.

Yesterday I posted two posts. One was on Hope Chests for your teens. The other was on s-e-x. Hope chests has 12 comments. S-e-x has none, and only one person participated in Mr. Linky.

So which post do you think had more readership?

If you said Hope Chests, you'd be wrong! Yesterday was this blog's busiest day, as links came in from all over for the "intimacy" post. You girls are reading it! You're just not saying anything about it.

I understand. When I was first on television talking about Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, I had to practice talking about sex in front of a mirror so I didn't look awkward. And my husband and I speak at marriage conferences, I had to practice saying even more explicit things than are on television. But you know what? People appreciate it. Nothing I'm saying is bad. It's all information we want. Which is why I get so sad that the church doesn't talk about it more. It seems that most of the sex info we get is from secular books or the media. And that's not right.

Part of the problem, I think, is that the media distorts sex so badly that it loses the beauty. Our culture has turned sex into something that is purely physical, where the relationship doesn't matter anymore. It's a search for that next big physical high, which I think is why people are trying weirder and weirder the things. The regular seems so tame when sex is only about the body.

But when there's an emotional and a spiritual aspect as well--which is how it is supposed to be--sex becomes beautiful.

I have a great talk that I give on sex that hardly anybody will hire me to do. In a way I understand. When I speak to women's groups, people don't want to exclude those who are single or widowed, etc. But I also think that women desperately need to talk about this. That's why I'm doing Wifey Wednesdays, and why most of those posts have to do with sex. We need good information, and we need a place to ask questions.

But at the same time, I think the church has largely ceded this ground to secular "sex experts". By not talking about sex very much, we've given the impression that we have nothing worthwhile to say. That sex really is better out there in the secular world than it is in our boring homes with one woman and one man for life. That we really have very little fun, and are quite prudish.

Actually, when you look at studies, the opposite is the case. Christians have better sex than non-Christians do. No matter what you may think of all those people gracing the covers of magazines in the grocery store, chances are you and your husband are more skilled than they are. After all, you have a lifetime to practice on just one person. They don't.

I wrote about how much better Christian sex is right here. But I still think we need a place to talk about it, and not just read about it.

Recently I conducted a teleseminar (a web conference) on sex. I talked about the difference between men's and women's sex drives, I talked about what sex was designed for, and I talked about all the things that could go wrong. It was great fun. But this teleseminar had a feature whereby people could type in questions anonymously that only I could see. As soon as I asked for questions, they came flooding in, faster than I could talk about them. It was great fun, and boy did I answer some that even made me blush! But where else are we going to get the information? We have to have some safe place to talk about this in a biblical way.

So given the response to the post yesterday, which was my biggest read one yet, I'd like to start offering some more teleseminars where we can talk, and you can ask questions. Anybody interested? If you are, all you need to do is sign up with your email address. I hope you can join me soon!

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To Love, Honor and Vacuum

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5 Comments:

At 2:35 PM , Blogger Nancy said…

I think because of the way the world views sex, the church has lost the Biblical view. We forget that it has been ordained by God and most tend to pretend that it doesn't happen. Obviously it does since we still have babies being born :)

 

At 3:07 PM , Blogger Mrs W said…

Lol I was wondering just yesterday why you called your posts "Wifey Wednesday" when they should be called "Sex Wednesday" since they are just about sex and there is so much more to being a wife than sex. Many more important parts of being a wife than sex, yet we focus on the sex.

In our battle to "fight" feminism, we decided to go to the opposite extreme and teach that women are nothing and if their husbands want sex, even if it physically hurts them badly, they must do it because apparently it's a "need". Never mind the need of the wife that is in pain!

I had reading about these types of topics because sex DOES hurt and while my husband understands, he also gets upset sometimes because he wants me to "feel good otherwise it doesn't mean anything". It's like he thinks I choose the pain!!! I don't!!! Isn't it enough that I willingly give it to him without him complaining that I didn't enjoy it? I'm giving up myself for him and it's still not good enough.

For a man, it never is...

 

At 7:47 PM , Blogger Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said…

I am going to continue to be your faithful linky friend because writing on those topics is really growing me as a woman of God. But I appreciate you mentioning that people read it b/c being your only linky gal was making me feel kinky LOL Happy Thursday!

 

At 1:50 PM , Blogger Mrs. Querido said…

@ Mrs. W:

Your comment made me so sad. My sister had issues with pain when she got married. She talked with her doctor about it. Now she is going to a physical therapist (I know that sounds weird) to do exercises and stuff to stretch certain areas more. Perhaps you could try talking to your doctor too.

Sex isn't all there is to marriage, this is true. But it is a vital, integral part of the relationship.

As a woman and wife, I do not base my personal value on what I can give to my husband. There is more to me than just my body. That being said, God gave me a body as well as a mind and spirit. He also gave me a husband who enjoys all said parts of me. I am more than just the sum of my parts :)! As Christian women, we need to remember that it was God who created the desire our husbands have for us, and He can help us honor and meet that desire.

I for one am not fighting feminism. Not consciously anyway. I guess in my role as a stay at home mom, homeschooling our children I am placing myself opposite of feminism. But I definitely believe in Biblical femininity. God made women to be more than doormats. But I can assert my strength in quiet ways. I don't have to be the one in charge. I choose to submit (ooo...that is a bad five letter word isn't it) to the leadership of my husband ONLY because I know he is submitted to the leadership of Christ. If I didn't have that assurance, I would definitely want to be the one in charge.

Sheila, I don't like linking to my own posts on other's blogs, but I wrote something a while back that really speaks about the "equality" of the sexes.

http://fiveinthepottershand.blogspot.com/2008/02/embracing-equality.html

I use to think that I had to be without opinion, quiet and do whatever my husband said. (Just for the record, he is NOT an overbearing, power-hungry man) That is what I thought a good Christian wife should act like. Okay, for starters, if I was supposed to be that way, why did God make me very strongly opinionated, strong-willed and loud? Answer: because I bring the balance to my husband just as he balances me! He doesn't want me to be a doormat, he likes the variety I bring to his life. And God knew that Mr. Querido would need certain traits of mine to complement certain traits of his.

Sorry, I guess this strikes a chord in me. Christian circles do tend to go to extremes Mrs. W, but it doesn't need to be that way. We need to learn to find out how God views femininity and practice what He says to do.

 

At 1:56 PM , Blogger Mrs. Querido said…

Oops..sumbit is six letters..not five...sorry..loL!

 
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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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