This weekend is my 18th anniversary. It's my husband's, too! Neat how that works.
Anyway, I've been agonizing over what to get him, and on Wednesday, when I was feeling particularly like a worm of a wife, I received a phone call confirming my appointment at the spa for today. I didn't know I had an appointment. It seems my husband booked one, and was going to surprise me.
Surprise over!
But I was still happy he took such care of me, and that he wanted to pamper me. Really, I was.
But I'm not the pampering type. I try to be, but I find it very hard to relax. Nevertheless, this was a gift, so dutifully I went.
After preparing myself, of course. You can't go for a manicure and a pedicure and a facial and a massage without making sure your legs and underarms are totally shaved, and that your nails aren't gross, and that you smell nice. I basically gave myself a manicure before I left home so the manicurist wouldn't see how gross I am.
It's like tidying before the cleaning lady comes.
Anyway, I arrive, and the masseuse asks me to take off all my clothes from the waist up and lie on this nice table with lots of pillows. I guess she's used to naked women. So she leaves the room, undress, and lie there, with my head in the funny face pillow, thinking I'm going to suffocate.
She came back and gave me a wonderful massage, although I turned my head like you're not supposed to because I just couldn't breathe in that pillow.
All the while strange Indian music was playing. Do people not like Beethoven anymore?
Next it was the facial, manicure, and pedicure all at the same time! I felt like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. Remember that scene? "Eyebrows: There should be two!". The three workers all look like nurses, and I'm in what looks like a hospital bed, except that there's this little opening in it for a foot bath. They really should put that in the Emergency Rooms. It would help people calm down.
So I feel like I'm getting some MAJOR PROCEDURE done, like a hyseterectomy or something, it all looks so official.
And then, as they start, I remember something very important. I don't like people touching my feet. Especially people filing my toenails. So I had to concentrate really hard to avoid kicking the pedicure woman. She really didn't deserve that.
But while the first foot bothered me, by the second foot I was fine with it. I think, however, it was because the woman working on my face was at that time doing what she called an "extraction", which is the same thing that we called "popping blackheads" when we were 13. Remember when you used to pop them just to see how much stuff you could get out? Well, it doesn't hurt when you do it to yourself. It does hurt when someone else does it to you. So it made me forget all about my little pinky toe!
At the end one of the girls was massaging my hands, one my feet, and one my neck. It was so relaxing. And all I kept thinking was, "you know ladies, I have my knitting in my purse. Maybe it you let me sit up I could knit for a bit." But I guess that would have wrecked my nails.
And then I figured something out. I don't like people giving to me. I feel guilty relaxing. I really do. It's not just that I would rather be knitting; it's that I can't sit still.
That's not a good thing. There's nothing wrong with relaxing every now and then. There's nothing wrong with being pampered. And it was so sweet of my husband to order this, so I really should just relax.
And I did, for the last five minutes. And it was nice.
When they let me get dressed again, I looked around the room, and I saw this: Apparently electrolysis for transgendered people is big business. I suppose it is, but then I got this creepy feeling in that little room. And since I had my cell phone, I took a picture. So I started to snoop around, and I saw this little gem, too. They do electrolysis on adolescents who may be embarrassed about unwanted hair. Isn't that a little bit much? Relaxing is great. Going overboard and getting all creepy is not. So let's keep it all in perspective, and maybe do each other's nails every now and then. Mine do look great, and I've only wrecked one so far!
You know that saying, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing?".
Or, another way to look at it, "major on the majors; minor on the minors."
Too often in our homes we major on the minors. We concentrate on cleaning and laundry and looking like we have it all together and don't focus on God, and relationships, and the things that ultimately matter.
So let's talk today about how to "major on the majors".
We're going to look at Chapter 4 in my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum, which focuses on Balancing Tipped Scales.
Heart of the Matter Online has been doing an online book club of the book this fall, and I'm following along with them. Even if you haven't read the book, or the other synopses, do read with me today, because I think this will help you!
Here's what Lori, who's running the book club, says to start off:
This week as we make our way through the book, we are looking at “Balancing Tipped Scales.”
I had to laugh out loud. It’s in the first paragraph of this chapter that Sheila speaks of, “sitting down relaxing, you may stare off into space and, in the process, notice that your walls need cleaning.” HA! It’s not the walls that I noticed in a recent “relaxation” moment, but rather the glass on the front door. The sun was shining in so perfectly that it ENHANCED its desperate need to be cleaned! I could mind you, clean from dusk to dawn. Dusting, mopping, wiping, Swiffering, but I will certainly not be any happier, right?
We all want contentment really. How can we balance those scales that tend to tip us in the direction of constant cleaning? SCHEDULES, is what Sheila suggests. Schedules will ultimately free us from the “bondage” of housework. It will free us to explore the other gifts and talents that God has so generously bestowed on us. Not to use them is a waste.
The New Priorities Model
What exactly is the “New Priorities Model?” Shelia suggests that if we begin “block at least fifteen minutes throughout the week in three different renewing areas- two from “Relationship Care,” two from “Personal Care,” and two from “Spiritual Care,” then we will begin to see a balance approach to our lives. (page 71)
Now I know that scheduling may be the last thing that you want to do. Does that make it sound like I'm making you even more into a drill sergeant than anything else?
But that's not the aim. Instead, I think it's liberating.
Here's the point: if we don't schedule stuff in that's important first, it won't get done. If you decide that at some point today you're going to read your Bible, you won't. Something will always get in the way.
If you say to yourself, sometime this week I will go to the gym, you won't. There will never be a free moment.
If you say, "I will play a game with my child this week when things are quiet", you won't. And then you'll feel guilty about it afterwards.
Do you see what I mean?
And if you don't do these important things, you're going to start to feel very exhausted. Because it's these important things that feed our souls. When we're not caring for ourselves, and caring for our relationships, but we're only caring for our homes, we're never going to feel fulfilled.
So here's what I want you to do with your schedule: Don't write in everything you have to do. I don't care when you do the laundry or make your dinner or vacuum. What I do care about is that at least a few times a week you write in when you will talk to God; when you will spend some quiet time with your hubby; when you will relax (because that's important too!), when you will have fun with your kids. Plan these things, and fit everything else around them.
Let the important things have prominence. Know when you're going to do them. And everything else can follow.
Major on the majors.
That's not so hard, is it?
So what have you been putting off doing? Exercising? Talking to God? Spending time with friends? Decide today that you will do it this week, and then plan it!
And in the book I also offer creative ways to meet some of these needs. If you're not a Bible reading kind of person, there are other ways to hear God's word. If you want to relax but you're not sure how, I have some great ideas in there, that don't cost money and that don't take too much time! And I have strategies for how to exercise, even with small kids!
But I have a special offer for you: If you purchase To Love, Honor and Vacuum from me today, I'm going to give you a copy of all the charts that appear in the book so that you can make your own Priorities Schedule! And I'll even throw in the chore charts, too!
It's just $11 US + S & H. That's less than the usual price of $13, but I'm giving a discount for those of you reading along with this online book club!
If you've been wanting To Love, Honor and Vacuum, but you haven't gotten it yet, why wait? I really think it will help you feel more fulfilled and purposeful as a mom!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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