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Wifey Wednesday: Who Is Your Romantic Fantasy?
It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!

When I was 9 years old I was in love with Chachi. I used to dream that I was just a few years older and I was asked to star in his TV show, and he kissed me and decided that he loved me. I would work out all kinds of different plots for the show, all of which involved him falling head over heels for me, because he was so wonderfully cute.

Ever have those kind of fantasies? We all do. The problem comes when they don't stop.

Go Canucks Go!photo © 2007 Jennifer Stoddart | more info (via: Wylio)
I know many married women who would never dream of cheating on their husbands, but at the same time they have a "crush" on some big star--either a sports figure or a celebrity. They have pictures of that man all over their FB page. They have mugs of him. They make constant references to him.

Recently I received this email from a woman exasperated with her friends. She writes:

Can you please tell married women to stop falling all over themselves praising other men? I'm sick of seeing married women talk about how "hunky" some hockey star is, or how "hot" some star is, especially when their husbands are sitting right there.

We've told men that we women don't like it when they talk about how hot other women are, but we turn around and do the same thing! It has to stop.
I completely agree. I think something has happened to our society in the name of "sexual liberation". In the 1970s, when feminism really got revved up, one of the things that the movement tried to do was to end the idea that women and men were somehow different. And so they started praising women for acting all sex-crazed, just like men. And it became a sign of women's empowerment to say that a guy was "hot", or to openly talk to other women about how cute someone was. While men weren't allowed to do it, women were encouraged to do so.

We've now internalized that, so that we think it's fun and harmless to idolize hockey players or football players or actors. But it isn't. Even if your husband says it doesn't bother him, it's still wrong. The only one you should have eyes for is your husband.

We women often hear messages against romance novels, because these will wreck your marriage. But can I please ask married women to stop posting about hockey players on Facebook, too? And to stop buying jerseys of a particular player? And don't tell your children that you like him, either! Instead, tell your children how much you love and adore their father.

You should be your husband's biggest fan, not the fan of someone else. It isn't harmless, even if you're never going to meet the person in real life. It makes your mind go in the wrong direction, and it tells your husband and your kids that you're not truly committed to loving only him.

I'm working on a long post about what to do when your husband doesn't want sex as often as you do! It's the most common email question I get, and I wanted to do it justice, so I'll be coming out with a long video post about it next week!

Now, what advice do you have for us today? Do you see this trend on Facebook or among your friends? Or do you have something else to tell us? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!

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At 9:34 AM , Blogger ET @ Titus2:3-5 said…

I can't say that I've noticed too many women I know fantasizing about celebrities and athletes. I find that there's a whole lot of wishing our men were like someone else's husband, though.


At 11:16 AM , Anonymous Muriel said…

I agree with the previous commenter.
Most of my married friends seem to think that someone else's husband is way better than theirs, usually mine because I made the decision to only praise my husband in public and never complain about him (Not that my husband is perfect, only G-d is). I wish they would open their eyes and see the wonderful things about their own husbands and stop comparing, because you never see the whole picture of someone else's life.


At 11:19 AM , Blogger Sheila said…


That's awesome that you haven't seen what I wrote about! I have to admit that I have lately, especially with the Stanley Cup playoffs heating up. But perhaps it's mostly with my non-Christian friends (though the woman who wrote me was talking specifically about church friends).

But I want to pick up on something you said: you wrote that you made it a habit to never say anything negative about your husband in public. That is wonderful! I think if more women took that strategy, we'd be a lot happier.

We tend to think about what we talk about, and if we talk about the negative, then we fixate on the negative. Talk about the good, and that's what we'll think about! Much healthier.


At 11:20 AM , Blogger va_grown said…

I think it's very sad--especially since 99% of the time it's all about how this "star" looks because you don't actually know a darn thing about them. I find the "other husband" thing mentioned in other comments true and very destructive. Those men are not "out of reach" and it can wreck havoc...

We need to focus our time, effort, and emotions at home.


At 12:41 PM , Blogger Kate said…

I once subscribed to a blog I liked... married woman with children. Then I got so tired of, what seemed to me, an obsession with "Edward" from the Twilight series that I unsubscribed. I couldn't believe a grown, let alone married (!) woman would openly lust over a young actor like that seemingly with no shame. I have definitely seen what you're talking about here.


At 6:55 PM , Blogger Christi said…

Our pastor spoke out about the Twilight thing and pointed out that if middle-age men were behaving the same over young female actresses we would find it disgusting. There are several married women at my church that are "team edward" or "team jacob" but it has gone somewhat underground now.

There is a weatherman that if found hunky and I had to stop watching that news channel because I felt it was dishonoring to my husband. This is actually the first time I have mentioned anywhere it so it never got to my husband. I think it is probable that the weather guy got moved to a new station but since I rarely watch the news I don't know.

I do feel that we need to guard our minds and eyes just as much as we ask our men to do.


At 7:02 PM , Blogger Strong Man said…

Good points! This is the equivalent of P*rn for Women.

Imagine how much you would feel about your your husband watching closely and then verbally praising the way certain NFL cheerleaders look in their skimpy outfits.

It's essentially the same impact as your talking about other men.

Since you mention an upcoming post about the issue of men not desiring intimacy as much as women, you might appreciate a couple of my posts about this as you think about your entry: A glimpse into how a normal healthy man feels: Intimacy and Childbirth Or, about one possible intimacy-killer for men Tragic Evil Among Us .


At 7:06 AM , Blogger boxes said…

I get the feeling a lot of women want too much in their man, They want the perfect relationship in all areas, its unrealistic.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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