It's my big announcement day! And today I am about to sign on the dotted line a contract with Zondervan (one of the largest Christian publishers) to write The Good Girl's Guide to Sex.
I didn't exactly plan on becoming known as the sex lady, but over the last few years that seems to have been what has happened. I first wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, and then after that I was asked by different TV and radio shows to come on and be their "sex expert". I guess there just weren't that many people willing to talk about it.
Promise Keepers asked me to become their "women's sex columnist" for their Canadian men's magazine, and so that's what I've done. And now Zondervan wants me to write the definitive book for women, the kind that you would give at a bridal shower, or buy in your first few years of marriage (or later if you want to figure it out some more!).
I have to have it written by March, and I imagine it will be out in early 2012. So you won't see it for a while. But it's all I'm going to be thinking about for the next few months!
What I want to write is something that's more realistic than most of the books that are out there. When I was married, for instance, I read a book that focused almost completely on how to have an orgasm on your wedding night. I hated that book. I felt like it was so much pressure. And I've had 1000 women answer a survey about their wedding night, and I've discovered that hardly any actually do reach orgasm on their wedding night. So I figure, why add pressure? Why not treat sex as something that's a journey of discovery you go on together, that will take decades, rather than something that YOU HAVE TO GET PERFECT RIGHT OFF THE BAT OR YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG AND YOU'RE A FAILURE. I've never liked that approach very much.
It will be more of a chatty book than a medical book; the kind that represents the talk you'd love to have with your older sister or your girlfriends, but you never really can. And I hope you'll love it!
So that's what I'm devoting my time to these days! I'll still post on this blog, but I imagine that on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll have shorter posts, like links to things I find interesting or just quick thoughts to start discussion.
And now, I'd like to give away some prizes! I'm going to give away two copies of my audio download, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, to two people who commented on Tuesday's post. I picked two numbers at random from the comments, and they were Ellen from 2 Little Monkeys and Jennifer from Thinking Christian. Congratulations, ladies!
And remember, you all can help me with the research for this book! Have you taken my surveys yet? Here's the one on the wedding night, and here's the one on sex drives/initiating. Thanks so much, for your help and your support!
This sounds so interesting coming from a Christian publishing house. Very intuitive that Christian also need advice about these things in a well thought out decent manner.
Good for you! Can't wait to read it.
I filled out your surveys. They were quite interesting and enlightening.
Congratulations, Sheila!! That is a huge accomplishment!!
I think, as you said, there is such a huge need for good, christian books on sex that are...REAL! I think I read the same book you did, and couldn't agree more on all the "pressure."
I really believe we settle for so much less in our sex lives in part because nobody talks about it.
So thank you for talking about it, Sheila. I pray that God would inspire your writing and speak through you...his message of hope and healing and delight in our sexuality.
That is so great!!! Congrats! I will for sure be reading it when it comes out!
Can I just ask you something quick? The thing that drives me the MOST crazy about sex books for women is that NONE OF THEM address the VERY common flip-flop of attitudes that can take place in the bedroom. All but TWO books that I have ever read on the subject approach women about how they should be having sex with their husbands, even if they don't feel like it and they should be attentive and sensitive to how vital this is to the male psyche, that it makes them feel loved, blah blah blah. I KNOW THAT. But what about when the issue goes the other way?! What about when it's your HUSBAND who has a very low drive and you have a very HIGH drive? What about when you've done EVERYTHING as a wife to try to get him in the mood, but he's too tired, or too stressed, or not in the mood, or whatever, and YOU get the brush off? This is a really common problem in today's high-rush, high-stress society and NO ONE is talking about it!!!! I HATE it every time we get a new marriage book into our store (I work full-time at a Christian bookstore) and they completely ignore this problem. It makes me, and other women in this predicament, feel like failures or sex-perverts.
I agree with Gretchen - my husband is older and for the last 4 years our sex life has been going down hill...for the longest time I thought it was me and then I was gaining weight because of all of it...I didn't want to go that route so thankfully I got the weight back off. Interestingly enough, we switched doctors and she had his thyroid tested and his thyroid is low...he was back to his old self when he started on the medicine but now it has tapered off again...thankfully the doctor just confirmed yesterday that his bloodwork shows his dosage isn't high enough yet so maybe things will kick in to a higher gear when his thyroid gets to where it needs to be but like Gretchen...I have had the brush off and it sure doesn't feel pleseant experiencing that kind of rejection.
Dear Shila, I want to congratulate you! You are doing amazing work with your writing. I will be praying for you, knowing that your book will be such a blessing to many marriages, just like as your other books are, and blog. Thanks for your blog! It inspires me so much! And, BTW I know you are protestant, but I want you to pay attention to strong catholic movement theology of the body. It is based on writings of John Paul II. Worth to read. Christopher West is one of most prominent authors on that topic. In catholic church now we are having discussions on this topic, and is very, very valuable. Obviously it is time for profound christian sexual revolution - giving christian meaning to all this rudely uncovered and banalised human sexuality. I thank God for people like you, Christopher West and any of people who are willing to be open and truthfull. Merry Christmass!
For the love of all Christian women everywhere, Catholic, Protestant, Quiver-full and everyone else, PLEASE include an unbiased chapter on the good, the bad, and the ugly of family planning. Godly, thorough and honest information is very difficult to find.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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Sounds really exciting! Congrats on a BIG contract.