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Wifey Wednesday: What Your Bedroom Says About You

It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!

The end of the summer is just around the corner (I feel like weeping as I type that!), but many of us still have a few weeks before the new year hits us in full force. Which means that we can probably grab a few hours--or more--to do something vitally important.

And may I suggest something?

Take a good, hard look at your bedroom.

In all the busy-ness of life, we often use the bedroom as our fallback for "stuff". We don't know where else to put it, so it ends up in the bedroom! And that bed is so deliciously big, with a nice big surface at a good height, so why not sort laundry on it? Even if you'll never actually get everything folded today, because the kids will call, and you'll forget all about it until the evening, when you have to throw the laundry onto the floor to climb in!

I have known friends who have neat houses, but their bedrooms are atrocious. You can barely move in there, because they have so much junk stored that they can't part with. Or they focus on keeping the kids clean, that they completely ignore their own bedroom.

I think that's a mistake. Your bedroom should actually be the most important room in the house--more important than the kitchen, the living room, or the family room. The family functions well when the couple functions well. If you are hoping to entertain, that will always work better if you and your husband are on the same page. You will be a better parent if you and your husband feel intimate. And you won't feel intimate in a bedroom that's a mess.

So here are my quick thoughts on how to make your bedroom an oasis for your marriage:

1. Don't Use Your Bedroom as a Storage Room.

Keep things in other places of the house, or you'll start getting into the habit of throwing stuff in your bedroom so you can "deal with it later". Later never comes. If you don't have enough storage space, be brutal about giving things away/throwing stuff out. But don't let your bedroom become so messy that it's no fun to be in there!

2. Keep Kids out of the Bedroom

My children always piled into bed early in the morning, to wake us up, but they didn't sleep with us. When your children are young, help them to learn to sleep in their own beds. You and your husband need that couple time.

3. Choose decorations that work for both of you.

Most men don't care much about decorations, but they'd still probably feel more comfortable with solid colours than pink florals. Even if you got the comforter free from an aunt, it's probably best to chuck it so that the bedroom reflects the two of you together.

4. Don't Do Work in Your Bedrooom

This one's tough for me, because I like having the laptop in bed with me. But in general, try to keep household chores and work chores out of the bedroom, so that the bedroom remains a place of rest. Don't fold laundry in there. Don't pay your bills in there. If you start to do work in your bedroom, then work STUFF will start to accumulate in your bedroom. Do you really want that? Keep your bedroom for sleep, talking, and fun!

5. Think Carefully About a TV in your Bedroom

Many couples have a TV in their bedrooms. They love lying together at night and watching the tube. But it's not always a good idea. First, one person could drift off that way, and then you've never had a chance to talk. Second, it crowds out other stuff that could happen in the bedroom.

When my husband and I watch a movie at night, we do it in the family room. Then we have to get up, turn off the lights, and retire to the bedroom. We're both awake. We're both climbing into bed at the same time. And then we can talk, snuggle, or whatever!

But if there were a TV in there, I might decide to keep watching it after he fell asleep. And we might not talk much at all! So keep the TV out of your room, if possible.

6. Fill your Room with Romance

Make sure there are candles in your room (along with something to light them with). Keep a Bible handy--I've written before how there is little that binds you together more (and gets you in the mood) like reading a Psalm before bed. You feel close because you're spiritually close, and then you want to express it in other ways. Trust me.

Keep a little book you like reading aloud to each other. Or a notebook where you can talk about important things and jot things down. In other words, keep things by your bed that will help with communication, not hinder it (like a TV)! And then use them!

Show your husband that you value the time that you have together at night by putting some effort into keeping the bedroom nice. It really is just yours and his. You're not trying to impress anybody. But if you keep it inviting for him, then you show him that you actually want to be with him. That the room is important to you--as is what you do in that room!

Now, what advice do you have for us today? Do you struggle with keeping your bedrooom an oasis in a busy home? What do you do? What do you feel like you should be doing more of? Or do you have something else to tell us? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!


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At 10:19 AM , Blogger sherri said…

My room is an oasis...intentionally.

Problem is, sometimes I fall asleep on the couch!


At 11:25 AM , Blogger Tessa said…

I'll start by saying that my son sleeps with us and we LOVE it. I thought at first my husband would have issues but that's a parenting decision that we've made together and feel very good about. So I'm going ot disagree on that point. You can still have a bedroom and relationship in there even with children.
My problem is dirty clothes all over the floor and books stacked to the roof on our dresser. We even have a laundry hamper and a bookshelf (strictly for couples devotional books and Bibles, and about 3 bedtime stories for our son). My family LOVES bedtime because we get to spend some really focused time with eachother. I will admit that it would be really nice if our son went to bed before us and we really cherish those nights when he does go to be an hour or two before we do (when he does this he's in his own bed most of the night). But we also love the family snuggle time. Just seems like a good way to end the day.
As for the oasis part... we really should work on that. We don't live in our bedroom so we tend to focus on other rooms. I'm hoping that we will be able to get our butts in gear to get some work done in there though. It would be nice to have that little retreat.


At 2:21 PM , Anonymous LaShaunda said…

I have to say that I so flunked this. My bedroom is a hot mess and I say this with a shamed face. Our third child,got my office space, so all that junk moved to the bedroom. However he is still in our bedroom, so I gave up my space for nothing.

Thank you for this post, it has opened my eyes, to making my bedroom the important room. It has never been the important room just a place to sleep.


At 4:47 PM , Anonymous Tricia @Hodgepodge said…

I read somewhere that you should make your bedroom like a vacation spot. Clutter free and restful. We've put a #8 on the door of our master bath. Because that was the number of our honeymoon cottage and our master bath is a beach theme.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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