I'm in transit Monday returning from a conference I was at this weekend, so I won't be posting like usual.
I was out near Vancouver at the headquarters of Family Life Canada, at a speakers' training weekend. My husband and I have been speaking at marriage conferences through them for about four years, and it is such a good time! We just love it! It's fun getting away together for the weekend, and having someone else pay for the hotel. It's fun sharing our story, even the really hard parts. But the best part is that we feel like God is touching people through us, and that's such a privilege.
I was in a session on Saturday about counseling couples who are in crisis due to an affair. We may be called on to do crisis counseling (though we're not trained for anything else), and they gave us some really useful pointers.
But one neat statistic was that 80% of couples who actually come for help after an affair make it. If they don't come for help, only 20% make it.
I talk to so many couples at these conferences who seem totally messed up. You hear the women talk about their husbands, and their husbands sound like total jerks (though it's really doubtful that they're as bad as the women say). But you think to yourself, these are the good couples. They at least came. The ones who didn't are even worse.
Most couples who come to a marriage conference, of course, aren't doing that badly. For them it's like an oil change; it's routine maintenance to make sure they're staying close. But many are in crisis.
And that crisis could be avoided if more people took the time before something bad hit to make sure they had the right tools for marriage. We spend so much time planning the wedding but so little planning the marriage. And marriage is hard. You have to decide to put someone else's needs first. You have to decide to love, even if you don't feel it. You have to decide to have compassion, even if they don't deserve it. It's not easy.
But it is so rewarding. There really is nothing better than an intimate marriage. We're going to be starting some premarital counseling with a couple that we know who will be getting married in May, and I'm so excited. To be able to talk to people before the problems come up is so exciting.
If you're in a marriage where things are going well, rejoice. But don't just coast. Make it better. Buy some great books on marriage. Go to a conference. Learn how to really love.
We survived a lot, including the death of our son, some major trust issues, and some intimacy issues early in our marriage. But we're stronger for it. And for that, I'm very grateful.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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