Last week I posted on the phenomenon of "night nannies
", where wealthy parents hired nannies to get up with their babies in the middle of the night so they could sleep.
We got talking about this at the dinner table, and I mentioned that Katie was one baby who would have slept better if we had had her in bed with us. I think she just needed the human contact. The problem is that I can't sleep like that, so it just wasn't possible. I've always been a light sleeper, and if she were there, I wouldn't have slept at all.
Keith did his whole pediatrician thing and informed me that babies who sleep with their parents are fifty times more likely to die than those who don't. I'm not sure if that's entirely true, but the death rate is certainly dramatically increased.
Now, I don't want to start a debate on whether babies should sleep with their parents. I really don't. But it got me thinking about what a parent's bedroom is for.
It seems to me that the bedroom should be a sanctuary for you and your husband. That's how we've always seen it. That doesn't mean the kids can't all jump in in the mornings, or you can't curl up and read in the big bed sometimes. But on the whole, it should be your room.
What does that mean?
It means no laundry to be folded all over the bed and the floor. It means kids go to sleep in their own rooms. It means toys are kept out. It means that you actually make an effort to clean the bedroom, instead of leaving it because after all, guests don't see it anyway.
Does that sound mean? I hope not. But if you want to feel relaxed in your bedroom (which is what we women need to feel romantic), laundry isn't going to cut it. And kids' Polly Pockets underfoot aren't going to cut it, either.
I would also think about ditching the television. Do you really need to watch TV together at night? It just intrudes on couple time. Why not let the bedroom be where you snuggle, pray, talk, and cuddle? Why not let the bedroom be just for your relationship, and keep other stuff out?
I think if we show that we prioritize the time with our husbands by keeping the bedroom free, we'll reap rewards.
Of course, that also means that you need a lock on your door. Once, when Katie was 6, Keith and I were having a good time when we heard the pitter patter of little feet. Freeze. She rattled the doorknob. "It's locked!" Keith yelled. "Oh, that's okay," she replied. Pitter patter pitter patter. We resumed. And all of a sudden the door flew open. Grab the sheets.
It seems that 6 is old enough to know how to pick a lock, but not old enough to know that you don't want to pick it.
So do what you can to keep kids out. Keep the springs on your bed oiled so the bed doesn't squeak. Tighten the screws periodically, if you have them, on the headboard so that it's secure and doesn't rattle. Invest in comfortable sheets and a nice duvet. Get some candles. It doesn't have to be expensive, but doing little things to help you feel comfortable and stressfree in your bedroom will help you to relax in it, and then maybe more will happen!
Here's what I said in Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight:
In a study done by Paul Pearsall, one woman stressed the importance of privacy this way: "If you're not careful, [kids] will take custody of your marriage." She explained tha ttheir marriage had gone through plenty of Vaseline--rubbed on the doorknob so little hands couldn't turn it...
Privacy also means minimizing the chance your children will need you. Giving children set bedtimes is one of the best things you can do for your sex life, to ensure that you have time alone together at night. When kdis are older, consider setting a time they have to be in their rooms, even if they're not sleeping.
So what do you think? Is your bedroom a haven?
I'd love to know! I can't set up a Mr. Linky this week because I'm automatically scheduling this post since we're on vacation. So leave your links in the comments, and leave us your thoughts!
My book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, has lots of advice for women on how to make this aspect of their marriage fun! You can also purchase a download of a talk that Keith and I gave on how to increase romance in your marriage. If your marriage needs some heating up, don't wait. Do something about it!
Labels: intimacy, marriage, wifey wednesdays