It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!
Last weekend, my husband and I spoke at a "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference organized by Family Life Canada
. We always enjoy these so much. First, we get out of the house, just the two of us, which is something rare! But we also remind ourselves about what it takes to make a relationship work.
And so, with no particular order, I thought I'd share some quick nuggets of wisdom from that conference:
I think more marriages would survive if more people realized that the better often comes after the worst.
Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love. They endure when we love the one we marry.
In the book The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially
, Maggie White and Linda Gallagher looked at a huge large-scale survey of couples who rated their marriages as either a 7 or an 8 on an 8 point scale, with one being amazing and 8 being horrific. They followed these couples for five years, and found that those who split up were far less likely to be personally happy than those who stuck it through. Even more amazing, 78% of those couples who stayed together now rated their marriages as either a 1 or 2. Simply deciding to commit made your marriage better. So that tells me that if your marriage is in the toilet, it isn't necessarily time to flush it.
For a marriage to grow, at least 6 things should remain unsaid each day.
Find ways to say "I love you" that are cheap and easy to do (and have nothing to do with sex). Now just do them. Even if you don't feel love. Your marriage will change immensely!
For men, affection is optional, but sex is necessary. For women, it tends to be the opposite. So for us to get our primary needs met, we have to also meet the needs of our spouse. And it was designed that way for a reason!
Maybe marriage was meant not necessarily primarily for happiness, but instead for holiness.
And my biggest piece of wisdom: have fun together. Couples don't have enough fun. We spend our lives figuring out schedules, working, chauffeuring the kids, running to get groceries, playing on the computer. But what do we do together that simply builds a friendship? Try starting a new hobby. Take a walk. Talk. When we stop laughing together, nothing else is going to go right, either. Sometimes we get in this rut where we're assuming the worst in the other, and we're walking around with a chip on our shoulder. Instead of trying to resolve the issue we're mad about, why not let it go for a bit and just do something silly together? When we spend time together, all the rest seems to diminish in importance.
Those are my sound bites from last weekend!Now, what advice do you have for us today? Do you have any wisdom you want to share? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks! Subscribe to To Love, Honor and Vacuum