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Wifey Wednesday: What About Christmas?

It's Wifey Wednesday, when we talk marriage! I introduce a subject, and then you all comment, either by creating your own blog post and linking up, or by leaving a comment here.

It would be appropriate to talk about gratitude for one's husband, since Thanksgiving is tomorrow for all you Americans, but I've done that quite a bit lately, so I thought instead I'd bring up something that's on my mind, since this is, after all, my blog! :)

So here's my quandary: what do you do about Christmas with your hubby? Let me explain. I'm not really into gifts that much. I'm honestly not. If I really really want something, I buy it for myself. Most of my hobbies are very specialized (like knitting), and someone who wasn't active in that hobby couldn't buy me something that I'd like. And my husband is not great at buying me clothes. Besides, I really feel quite blessed already, and I don't want a great deal of money being spent on me. I'd rather it go into the kids' college fund or to charity. I really would.

So a few years ago, we agreed that we wouldn't get each other gifts.

I made the mistake of assuming that agreement was binding. Turns out my husband thought, "there's no way I'm not buying my wife a Christmas present", so he bought me something big (I forget what it was now), and I hadn't bought him anything. I looked quite small in comparison.

To make matters worse, our anniversary is December 21, so I've got TWO gifts to buy, not just one. And I know my husband is going to buy something regardless, even if I tell him not to, so I'm stuck.

My husband presents similar dilemmas. He has very specialized hobbies, and I can't really buy for him. He needs clothes, but he doesn't particularly like them, so he doesn't consider them a gift. So what do I do? I'm really at a loss.

What do I want for Christmas? I don't want a gift per se. I want someone, either my husband or my kids, to take all our VHS family movies and transfer them to DVD. I want someone to organize my digital photos. I want someone to make a movie out of all the family movies we've taken over the last two years. That's what I want. But no matter how hard I actually say that, I don't get it, because people insist on BUYING me something.

I suppose I'm complaining a lot when Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but I do find this time of year a little bit stressful because I don't know what to buy, and no one takes me seriously that I honestly would rather not have anything (because it's true, I honestly would rather not have a gift that was purchased).

What about you? What do you do with your spouse for Christmas? Any brilliant advice I should take (like be grateful you have a husband who wants to buy you something, you ridiculous woman?)? Let me know! Just leave a comment, or go write your own blog post and then come back here and link up in the comments section!

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At 8:01 AM , Anonymous Kathryn Lang said…

My husband is not a gift giver or receiver. He was BEFORE we were married (when I didn't appreciate it) but now finances get in the way.

I'm focusing my energy on the kids. I'm trying to teach them it is the thought that counts (they make many of the gifts that they give - including jewelry, candle holders and coupon books).

As for GIVING him gift, the last three gifts he has received are still in the boxes in his closet. I don't even win there when I give him something that he says he wants. Let me know if you figure out the secret. :D


At 8:22 AM , Blogger Mrs W said…

I know one couple who had a budget on what they could spend on each other. Then, the wife would go out and buy something SHE really wanted with the money, and gift wrap it. He would go buy something HE really wanted with his money, and gift wrap it. On Christmas day, he'd pick up the one she bought and wrapped, and give it to her. She'd pick up the one he bought and wrapped for himself and give it to him. That way, they both got what they wanted, and both got a gift. Would your husband try something like that?

About your digital pictures, VHS to DVD etc...mail them to my husband, and have your husband pay my husband to do it, that way you get what you want, and he bought you something. :D HAHA.


At 8:23 AM , Blogger Mrs W said…

My husband tries so hard, but knows that he is not the greatest at picking gifts I like, and this can be upsetting to me (remember I've been pregnant the last three Christmases). So this year he said "what stores do you want gift cards from?" That would surely make both of us happy. LOL.


At 8:37 AM , Blogger Sheri said…

I wrote a post about a "list". You can read it here: (I'll link up to Mr. Linky when it opens in 10 more minutes). But we aren't really gift givers.


At 10:18 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said…

If I am very specific, ie. tell him where to shop because that store/person has a list. Some years we will buy something we need for the house. We always do a stocking for one another. But, I agree, it is very stressful and there is alot of pressure to get people the perfect gifts. And, how do you get extended family members to LISTEN to what it is you are asking for!?!?!?


At 10:25 AM , Blogger Lorrie said…

I can understand completely, why you don't want someone to BUY you something. I run into a problem where extended family doesn't want to buy gift certificates for services/consumeables. I would far rather get a gift certificate for a haircut or hilites, for example, than a sweater I don't really like or need!


At 2:26 PM , Anonymous Mrs B said…

Neither hubby or I are gift givers either, however we feel it is important to exchange gifts on Christmas day with the children, because it is a demonstration to THEM of our love. Some of our children are gift givers, and if we were to skip that part with each other, it would mortify them.
We just feel it is part of expressing love languages to our kids, and showing them that we love each other...
I *do* need to give him a better list this year, though. It is VERY hard to pretend that his gifts are wonderful when they are...not very!!


At 3:59 PM , Blogger Sara said…

My Hubby always gets his Christmas bonus after the holidays- go figure. So we wait until the extra money shows up and usually end up shopping for our gifts together. Personally, I'm hoping for a Nook (eBook), and I know he's wanting a flat screen for the bedroom.


At 8:03 PM , Blogger Sam said…

This year we aren't doing gifts for each other...we just don't have the money plus it's easier. It doesn't help that within 2 weeks we have Christmas and 3 birthdays(out of the 5 of us). So we tend to just get for the kids and then go out for my birthday.
We used to just give ideas of things we'd like to get. And it worked out still had a surprise since there were a few things on the list, but you also got what you wanted.


At 10:24 AM , Anonymous Jennifer said…

My husband and I have never officially talked about gift giving. We exchange gifts, but I agree, it is sometimes hard to think of things for one another. I usually tell him what I want, pointblank, and tell him where he can buy it. He doesnt always get what I've suggested, but he usually does pretty well. I, on the other hand, have a tough time. He won't tell me what he wants, and he has specific hobbies that I cannot buy stuff for. Also, his birthday is one week before Christmas. I think it is important to exchange something, doesn't matter what or how much, just to show that you are thinking of the other person. This year I have found such joy in buying presents for others, and I don't really want anything in return. I know it sounds cheesy, but seeing their expression when they open my gift is enough of a gift for me....however, if someone decides to give me a diamond, well hey, I'd be over the moon!


At 11:49 AM , Anonymous Tessa said…

My husband and I do gifts some years but didn't last year. Last year we put all our Christmas money into a pool with my side of the family to buy a couple of World Vision cows. That was much less comlicated!
But he LOVES to give gifts. He always goes over budget and I know he love to get them as much as he loves to give them. This year.... I have no idea what to get him. He plays an online game on computer so he doesn't need anything else for that. I had thought maybe we could give eachother a weekend away.
I've just accepted the fact that I'm not very good at giving gifts. And he realizes that giving gifts is his love language but not mine.
It's possible that most of your husband's joy at giving you a great gift is not in what he recieves but in seeing your reaction. Hope that helps!


At 11:54 AM , Blogger Shaun and Holly said…

My husband and I usually write a small list of things that we would like. That makes for not many surprises, but we alway love what we get. We do surprise each other with "stocking stuffers" though and have lots of fun with that. Last year he did mine with a Kitchen theme (which I adore)!
This year we gave each other a small budget of $40. for a gift(s) under the tree and $30. for stocking stuffers.
Works for us!


At 7:32 PM , Blogger lv2scpbk said…

We don't fill stocking stuffers anymore and now have a budget with each other. We are the same way, we can go out and get it when we want it if we have the extra cash. It's hard after your married so many years to figure out what to get someone. I'd rather spend the cash on a nice vacation somewhere and that's what we set a limit. What about that? Set a limit and tell your husband to save for a nice vacation instead.

I did post mine on my blog on my Barb's Blog.


At 9:09 AM , Blogger Tonia said…

My Husband and I are very pratical. We either buy a "joint" gift such as a new t.v., bed set, ect... Or we ask what the other wants and buy that (or I do). For instance this year I bought my husband a new chain saw that he wanted/needed for the work he does on the farm. It was pricy but he will use it for years.

He always tries to get me something, but he doesn't make the best choices. For instance he bought me a video game consul for my birthday(?). I really appreciate the thought but I wish he had saved his money. I don't really want to spend my time playing video games. And no, He doesn't play it either. I really did ask him for the gift of time. I wanted to have dinner with him or have him help with some projects, but he thought he needed to buy me a gift.

Maybe some day I will be able to suprise him with a wonderful gift, and he will be able to give me the gift of time that I really, REALLY, want.

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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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