I've been thinking about my post below a bit more, and I've got another thought.
I think getting a realistic portrayal of our parents is necessary to forgive them. If we keep trying to make excuses for them, and say that they really weren't as bad as they actually are, how can we come to a place of forgiveness?
When we're still holding on, and hoping that our fathers will miraculously decide to love us and have a relationship with us, then we're letting our fathers--who don't deserve it--pull the strings in our lives. They still have too much power.
But when you can say, "My father failed me. He was an imperfect human being. But that does not reflect on me because God is my real father", then we can start to make progress. And that's when we can decide to forgive and cut those strings.
It's not mean to say that your father failed you. It's the first step in becoming your own adult. It doesn't mean that you're angry about it, or that you're bitter, or even that you're somehow broken. God can heal anything, after all. All you're saying by admitting that your father failed you and admitting that he is not perfect is that you're letting go of this fantasy that he will somehow change.
That's what I feel that Obama still had in his book, and that's what I feel many of my friends have: this fantasy that ties them to their past and prevents growth. I know that's just me psychoanalyzing, but I do think there's some truth in there. We need to see others around us with open eyes. Let's not yearn to have others heal us; let's go to God for that. What your father did or didn't do doesn't have to reflect on you. It only does if you let it.
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