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Letter to Me
Every week I write a syndicated family column that appears in several newspapers in Canada and the United States. Here is this week's, which is a longer version of an earlier blog entry (in case you think you recognize parts of it!):

I am a complete sap for tear jerker country music songs. One of my current favourites is Brad Paisley’s “Letter to Me”, where he writes a letter to himself at seventeen, with all the things he wishes he could have known back then.

Thinking back on my 17-year-old days, I’ve come up with several things that could have helped me along the way, too. Here they are:

I know your biggest fear right now is being alone. You've been without a boyfriend for two years now and I know you feel desperate. You’re not going to believe what I’m about to say, but it’s actually better to be alone at this stage of your life, because
you can concentrate on who you want to be without a guy getting in the middle of it. So take this time to read, to work, to make friendships, talk to interesting people, and figure out what you like. You don’t need a guy to do that. Looking back, that hiatus was one of the best times of growth for you. So don’t cry. Your day will come.

But I don’t mean to be so callous. I know you feel lonely right now, and worry that your friends don't understand you. Most of them don't! But one day you'll be in a position to find friends that are more like you. You'll be able to choose your university, choose your workplace, choose your church. You'll find great people there, I promise. Right now you're stuck in a school you can't get out of. That's okay. It won't last forever. Just try to be a blessing to those with you now and make the best of it.

And when you do get to university and you do make great friends, keep in touch. Don’t let distance and busyness come between you. You’re going to miss them later on, and wish you’d written more letters.

You’ve got seasons tickets to the ballet right now, and you love all the restaurants in Toronto. Careful that you don’t become a snob. In about a decade you’re going to realize how awful the city really is, and you’re going to run as fast as you can to a small town. So get ready now! Learn to play cards. Learn to like barbecue. And learn to drive! Not every place has a subway, you know.

You’ve already been overseas once on a mission trip, but more are coming. Make the most of them. Take tons of pictures of kids’ faces. And don’t turn away because the poverty makes you uncomfortable. Look at it. Breathe it. Remember that most of the world lives like that, and you’re getting the chance to see it. Sear it into your memory, so that you never let your life become about money.

Sometimes family relationships get awkward and we don’t know what to say, so we don’t say anything. Open your mouth, especially to your uncle. You’ll find out why later. And your mother understands you more than you think she does. Give her a break. She’s done a great job raising you, so try to look at things from her point of view. One day you’re going to be great friends!

You know those kids with Down Syndrome at the camp you counsel at? Don't ignore them. I know they make you feel awkward, but you're looking in the face of your future son. Love them and have fun with them, and it will be easier for you when you hear the news in a few years.

You're going to cry more tears over the next ten years then you will imagine. But one day, you will see how those tears were used to build you into a strong person. So at your lowest points, believe that God isn’t going to leave you.

You're going to fall in love in a few years with a man you will think is perfect. Take a step back. Does he let you be yourself? Does he ask you about you? Relationships can't be based on hero worship. Run away fast. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache.

And by the way, while you're running away from your boyfriend, take another look at your best friend. Sometimes best friends really do make the best husbands!



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And Reality Check, the book, is filled with 85 of my favourite columns. Need a great bathroom read? Check it out!

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4 Comments:

At 2:41 PM , Blogger Terry @ Breathing Grace said…

This was great, Sheila. Thanks for linking to it.

I thought the boyfriend part at the beginning was especially interesting because I couldn't remotely relate to it. I wan't allowed to have a boyfriend while still in high school. But I got my heart broken promptly after graduation and figured out what my ogre daddy was trying to spare me from.

 

At 11:17 AM , Blogger Joyful said…

I wish I had listened to advice about having a boyfriend at age 17. I really could have waited til later to get married. I wasn't going to be an `old maid`. This is a good thinking post.
Thanks,
Joyful

 

At 5:40 PM , Blogger Courtney said…

I absolutely loved this. This could be one of my favorite posts you've done. I wish I could go back and tell myself a few things, too. I thought the boyfriend part at the beginning could have been directed at me...I felt the same way in high school and caused myself a lot of heart ache. Thanks for sharing and getting so personal. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas!

 

At 5:36 PM , Anonymous Kristen G said…

Ah, well, it's all in your perspective: I married the guy I started dating at 16, and after 7 years of dating and 22 married, that's one thing I wouldn't change!
I wish I had taken more risks, travelled more when there was time, taken more photos of my friends and my kids (way before digital!) and kept a journal more often.

 
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About Me

Name: Sheila

Home: Belleville, Ontario, Canada

About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.

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