My oldest recently turned 16. It feels so weird to have a 16-year-old! I still remember the day she was born so vividly, and if I close my eyes I can still feel what she was like as a baby.
But she is developing into her own person, and that has meant certain changes in our family. To understand some of those changes, you have to understand our different personalities.
I believe there are three types of people in this world: people who are late, people who are early, and people who show up at 1 minute past the designated time.
I am the latter. I am never early because what's the point? There's too much to do! So I time everything down to the last detail, so that I can leave at the last possible moment. Hey, you can always throw another load of laundry on, right?
I know the schedule for all the traffic lights in the area. I know which ones to avoid at what time. I don't even take the same route around town, depending on the time of day, because it may shave off a minute or two. I'm a little bit neurotic.
But I'm also rarely very late.
My daughter is early. She is always early. She has friends to see, and she wants every minute she can have with them! It drives her nuts that I don't want to leave when she is ready, even if I'm ready, too. This throwing one last load of laundry on is completely beyond her comprehension.
So she is extremely responsible. Nevertheless, that does not always stop her from being late. When she's with friends, she doesn't want to leave. Such is the lot of teenagers.
Let me explain.
Recently our girls were both out for the evening. Our junior high daughter was with friends at church, but our senior high daughter wanted to go with friends to the mall (they were accompanied by an adult). We said sure. They said they'd be back at 9:00. We should have known better.
So we dutifully showed up at 5 to 9 to collect said senior high daughter, but she wasn't there. We waited for a while, and then decided to go get gas. We got back, and still no Becca.
Then Keith's cell phone rang. They were running late, and she gave us instructions on where they were. We picked her up. No problem.
It wasn't that she was in any danger, it was just aggravating. We knew she was with responsible people.
But nevertheless, we decided that, since she was now 16, it was time to get her a cell phone to ensure that these late things no longer aggravate us. We bought a cheap plan that allows unlimited texting, and the deal is we pay half and she pays half. That way I know she's safe, and she can call or text me when she wants to spend that extra twenty minutes with friends, so maybe I can even get a load of laundry folded, insted of waiting for her in some parking lot.
Obviously this will be easier on me to let her have a cell phone--and I do think that as teens age, and are out on their own more, it's a matter of safety. Nevertheless, I can't say I'm happy about it. It seems that so many people spend their lives texting, and a phone becomes a big time waster--and an expensive one at that.
I'm not particularly fond of cell phones. I have one and I hardly ever use it. We never use up all of our minutes. I just use it for emergencies, or if I need to check in at home while grocery shopping. Only about three people even know the phone number.
I think that's mostly my generation, though. When I'm out of the house, I'm AWAY from the phone. That's the whole point! I don't want to be receiving phone calls on it. When I'm out doing errands or riding in the car, I spend time thinking and praying. I'm away from my usual head space. I don't want the phone interrupting that.
Teens, however, as soon as they have them, seem to be on them all the time. They text people constantly (HIYEEE :) :) :)). It gets really annoying. And I absolutely hate seeing teens text during church.
What do you think? Are you ambivalent about cell phones for teens, too? Do you have rules about phone use within the home (or at church)? Let me know!
Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario. Here's this week's!
In downtown London, England, the city government has installed padding on the lampposts so that texters don’t bash themselves while walking and texting at the same time. Tokyo has painted footprints on the sidewalk to direct texters where to walk. I’m sure chiropractors will be pretty busy over the next few decades dealing with all the people who spend their days texting, chins bowed against their chests. All too many of us have adopted the habit, but that can’t be good for your spine.
As a society, we have forgotten how to look up. We have forsaken eye contact in favour of paying attention to such all-important text messages as “wassup?”. We’re spending all our time communicating inanities with all our pseudo-acquaintances, rather than smiling at strangers. That little bit of courtesy that brightens people’s days is becoming all too scarce.
I often see teens outside the local high school during breaks, texting nonstop, while simultaneously chatting. Some believe this is a badge of multi-tasking honour. I wonder, though, about what kind of relationships are being formed, when one is never giving 100% of one’s attention to another human being? How does this bode for future relationships? Will our children grow up to be able to look their spouse in the eye when they rarely look anyone in the eye now? Not just that, but are we losing the ability to pay attention to one individual at a time, if conversations in real time have to be punctuated by checking for new text messages?
Tuesday nights are our technology free family nights. No computers, no televisions, just our family, huddled around the table, playing board games. I have to admit I didn't really want to participate this week, because I was busy. But we had decided at the beginning of the year that nothing would interfere with family night, and so I took a deep breath and shut down my computer. And I have not laughed as hard in a long time. That night, while playing the Game of Life, I landed on the square which required me to shell out $5000 to decorate the nursery, even though I spent the rest of the game driving around the board without ever actually having a child. I held out hope for the twins, but it was all for nothing. Nothing, that is, except a new inside joke in our family, and tons of laughter, culminating with various individuals falling out of chairs.
It’s that same atmosphere that makes me love family dinners—minus the falling out of chairs part, of course. When we sit down, even if it's just for ten or fifteen minutes, we all connect. Looking straight into my loved ones’ faces, I see any tiredness that's there. I detect sadness. I can see excitement or triumph. And we share and laugh. How can this happen if people bring cell phones or iPods to the table? You're not connecting. You're ignoring, even if there is conversation going on.
We are losing the ability to look people in the eyes, and as we do that, we give the message that "I only pay attention to what is important to me. And you are not important." Modern communication seems to have little to do with common courtesy, or kindness, or respect anymore; it is simply about entertainment and my own personal desires. That makes for an extremely selfish society.
Yes, cell phones and iPods are fun. But it’s ever so much more rewarding to spend time with real, live people, eye to eye. Let's not forget that, and let's make sure our loved ones are forced, at least during some of the day, to look us straight in the eye.
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About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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